Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
98 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
For most of my life, I've been kind of serious. It's not that I don't have a sense of humor, as much as it is that my sense of humor doesn't line up with most peoples... or doesn't appear when I need it the most. I constantly find myself in situations where I feel like "if I had only said this, things would have been different." I've come to the conclusion that most of my problems dealing with people day to day stem from my inability to find things funny.

I think a big part of it has been my insecurity and the fact that the idea of looking foolish always frightened me. I've realized lately that turning the tables on other people and making a joke out of things people say, may be the best way of avoiding that very same stigma. Having a sense of humor (especially when it comes to yourself) may be the best shield against criticism because it takes away the fun in other people messing with you when you recognize your own faults. Or better still, making fun of other people when they make fun of you.

Any thoughts or suggestions?
 

·
Day Of The Dead
Joined
·
945 Posts
Well, there's a ton of different humor out there. You need to find what kind suits you. There's anything from genital jokes, to the dry, or 'deadpan' humor, to making people laugh when you string cuss words with insults. Once you find your 'type' of humor, then if you find an acceptable situation to use them in, it can be pretty funny.

For someone with a very 'old' sense of humor, then after anything someone says, they say "That's what she said" or "Your mom". No offense to anyone, but that died out a few years ago. Insult humor is a type that can be funny, but risky. Say for example, someone said "your mom" after something someone says, but the person on the recieving end's mother is actually dead, it turns into a personal thing, and it kinda feels like getting made fun of.

But, with everything comes a risk. Jokes don't always come across as good/funny as they do on the internet than real life, but sometimes just take a chance. If you're with a few friends, or even just a few acquaintances, it can't hurt to try humor. If you fall flat on your face with it, then either modify your punch line, or find and try a new type of humor.

Hope I helped.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
322 Posts
Making people laugh is the only social skill I have ever possessed - not that it is something I am very good at, but since various people have described me as "funny" over the years, I take it that I am better than average at this.

For me, at least, having a sense of humour, or rather - being able to make people laugh - which is a different thing altogether, has not really helped with S.A. - in fact I probably developed this dubious "talent" in childhood as a coping mechanism for the social isolation that resulted from my SA and dyspraxia - that's what a freudian psych would probably have me believe anyway.

On the other hand, it has helped me develop some pseudo-friendships and can enable you to "break the ice" with people, and as you suggest, it can help you brush off criticisms of yourself. The flip side is that, as stated above, many people don't actually have a sense of humour, and so that social bonding mechanism (I just made that phrase up) merely offends them and then they decide you are beneath contempt and it's not good. This is a particular issue on the internet, where a sarcastic comment could easily be taken the wrong way and land you in the proverbial excrement.

Furthermore, most "friendships" developed solely on the basis of humour are incredibly shallow and tend to become meaningless and tedious very quickly - and when humour is your only social skill, you tend to fall into this trap a lot.

I don't think humour is really something that can be learned, it is either absorbed from your environment or genetic, in my opinion. If I had to give an explanation for my so-called "wit", I would probably say that its a combination of my autistic-esque memory provided by dyspraxia, and the fact that, lacking social contact, I spent most of life reading and watching films, TV, etc - which allows you to subconsciously absorb a lot of things which can be deftly recycled to seem like an original joke or humourous comment in the right situation with the right timing. But then, trying to scientifically analyse jokes or humour is quite pointless, it is, as one journalist wrote, about as useful and entertaining as carrying out an autopsy on a clown.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
492 Posts
A HUGE part of my social existence is making people laugh, telling jokes. When I find that the person I'm with doesn't get my jokes it is very hard to deal with them. All the friends I have have my type of sarcastic dry humor so we get along fine. I actually went to a mini high school reunion party type a thing, nothing grand just a few people I used to know and some new faces. Of course at the beginning of the night i was kinda quite, but when i loosened up (easy to do when you know most of the people) I was cracking jokes making people laugh it was a fun night. I love making people smile and laugh it gets in the way sometimes because not everyone likes to joke around with you.
As for you idk man, try ...fake laughing make, joke around more.
prob didn't help
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
i dont know...most the questions around here dont have answers

your either funny or your not....perhaps you dont know your own humor very well and havent found a way to use it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,216 Posts
Making people laugh is the only social skill I have ever possessed - not that it is something I am very good at, but since various people have described me as "funny" over the years, I take it that I am better than average at this.
.
Booya !
I hate small talk. I am either telling jokes , or in some long philosophical discussion. I don't know how to explain the jokes but by this: its very sarcastic.

Alas, I have often used jokes to cover up conversational weaknesses with girls. Often the opportunity to make a date passes because I rather "play it safe telling jokes" than ask her, what I really want to ask her.

But, that's all water over the bridge now.
 

·
HaloOfDarkness
Joined
·
608 Posts
Alot of the people at work joke around about things that I don't find very funny. I feel weird sitting there in my work station and being the only person who is not laughing hysterically. I have a sense of humor, I have a great sense of humor but I think my problem at work is that I'm not involved in their humor. Even though everybody else is laughing with them, it would be weird if I laughed to. Some of their jokes I get and some of them I have no idea what they are talking about because I missed something somewhere. One thing that I really don't find funny though is when they make fun of other people. Why is it funny to do this? Is it really all that funny or are they just laughing because it makes them bigger and taller and better?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
283 Posts
Humor, or lack thereof, has played a big role in my SA. I grew up very sheltered and never had enough social interaction, so I never learned how to relax and laugh during unfamiliar social situations. It's only when I am very comfortable, and I know the people well, that I can lighten up. I need to understand their type of humor in order to adjust my humor accordingly. I still can't tell a joke.

How you described yourself is something I can relate to very well. I take things far too seriously, in conversation, and when judging myself. It's hard to laugh at yourself when you don't have any self confidence to fall back on. If I'm already beating myself up because, for example, I have no friends and no one likes me, how could I possibly laugh at something stupid that I did? That act of stupidity reinforces what I already believe about myself.

Lack of friends can be a very vicious cycle... you need friends to feel better about yourself and make more friends... but you can't make friends until you start to develop confidence... or so it would seem.

But I'm straying here. I think that even when I'm feeling humorous, most people don't share my type of humor.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
322 Posts
Booya !

Alas, I have often used jokes to cover up conversational weaknesses with girls. Often the opportunity to make a date passes because I rather "play it safe telling jokes" than ask her, what I really want to ask her.

But, that's all water over the bridge now.
Yeah, I have had that problem - though generally I just use humour to cover up conversational and social weaknesses full stop. But hey, its a good cover - social masking tape :b

And er, I never understood that expression, but I thought it was supposed to be water under the bridge? If the water is over the bridge, then surely you built your bridge too low, yes?
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top