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Making People Feel Uncomfortable

3K views 22 replies 10 participants last post by  melancholyscorpio 
#1 ·
I make people feel uncomfortable for simply being an unattractive/ugly female.

I'm mostly invisible. Sometimes I get treated as a subhuman.

I work in a warehouse and usually the roller shutter is up but due to covid we now have it closed and people have to ring the bell.

When I come into work I ring the bell and usually the 2IC opens the side door. But he just pushes it open because he knows it is me and he is always pissed when he has to open the door for me. He will turn around in frustration. I would say morning and he would say morning with an agitated tone.

It makes me feel terrible. I try to not let it bother me but it does. I will ask him to leave the door a jar from now on.
 
#2 ·
Nothing wrong with you he’s just plain rude! He could open the door and not be moody about it. He’s probably being that way because he sees you lack confidence so he thinks he can get away with being rude because you won’t hold him accountable. Get a bit of self worth about you, hold your head up and look him right in the eye.
 
#4 ·
He's probably just an irritable person and maybe hates his job/life. I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with you.
 
#5 ·
Yep, I'll my voice to the chorus: he's just being a jerk. I mean, I wasn't attracted to a lot of people at my workplace and I still managed to be perfectly civil to them. This guy clearly just has poor manners. In my experience, the sort of people who treat you better if they think you look good are not the ones whose opinion matters anyways.
 
#7 ·
Maybe he's just annoyed because he's right in the middle of something and has to stop and open the door. Doesn't necessarily mean he's pissed at you personally.

I understand how you feel though as I also feel that I make people uncomfortable with my presence because of how anxious and awkward I can be. I often feel bad about that, I feel bad for the people who are forced to associate themselves with me. I have this guilt about it. I feel like the world would be a better place without me. It would be free of me.
 
#10 ·
Yeah he sounds like he’s in a bad mood. Have you seen him interacting with other employees? Is he short with them too? If so it’s nothing personal but it is unpleasant to deal with.
No he is pissed because he has to open the door for me. He is normal with the guys.

I completely understand how you feel about making people uncomfortable. I often feel bad that they have to associate with me.
 
#12 ·
Why would someone’s appearance make someone uncomfortable? I don’t think that’s true. It seems illogical to me like personally I wouldn’t be uncomfortable with a person based on what they look like- would you? I think it is more likely you are worried that is the case rather than it actually being true. I think “I make people uncomfortable” is a lie. He could try be a bit more friendly to you not your problem that he’s making it out to be some big inconvenience for him to open the door for Covid reasons! X
 
#16 · (Edited)
It happens for sure, but usually it's how people are dressed and not their basic physical appearance eg: goths and people who dress in other alternative styles can make people uncomfortable, and you can get chucked out of places for dressing in that way including peculiarly art museums..:



^ my view of Paris mostly comes from this and my dad who has worked there several times and absolutely hates the city lol. He was ranting about it again last week when I saw him. In the early half of the last century it was a place where non-conformists often fled to to escape the conservatism of other regions of Europe.

Edit: This is an older video she travels a lot so has had multiple negative experiences (authority figures usually behave this way though kind of assholes):



related comment:

I was stopped in 1990 at the U.K. border basically for being a goth. He had to let me in though because I was US military at the time stationed in Germany, and therefore had permission to travel freely through all NATO countries. It was rather fun to see his face fall when I'm there in makeup and all and give him my military ID instead of a passport. You have my sympathies.

In another video I watched recently that I guess I won't link here just in case because it has some discussion of someone's eating disorder another goth/alternative person (they're involved in the goth subculture but often have very brightly coloured hair and play around with their appearance a lot not classic goth.) They're non-binary. In the video they're sitting in a cemetery talking and talk about how they often like to go there because it's peaceful but they went there and people commented negatively or something because they were dressed in a more masculine alternative way. They concluded that they can get away with it when they seem female/feminine but not alternative + masculine.

I've also had lots of comments based on my own presentation in the past mostly my alternative clothing styles/hair (worth noting I was never as extreme as the person in that video either because I've never really worn makeup or been into makeup.) I'm also non-binary and never shave my body hair anymore, in the past I'd also go through periods where I wouldn't shave. That's attracted comments from people in my family mostly confusion but one guy also really freaked out and made a big deal out of me not removing my leg hair when he noticed and I wasn't highlighting it either I was wearing trousers at the time but he noticed because the rode up a bit and he was sat on the floor in front of me.

Throughout my life I have had people talk negatively about several features of my physical appearance too - height (being short,) nose (sometimes misdirected racist comments about it I'm white but some people felt my nose 'looked black' I don't think it's just me I mentioned this on this site and someone once years ago also from the UK said the same thing happened to them weirdly,) there have been other things too. But I wouldn't say they made them uncomfortable.

More generally I know some people feel threatened by the presence of men/masculinity too but that's another matter.

That being said I can't remember anyone sticking in my mind as making me uncomfortable with their physical appearance. It's only ever been their behaviour. Not to say OP does make people uncomfortable that way just pointing out that it does happen. If it's important to you that you don't make them uncomfortable then I'd avoid being gender non conforming or dressing alternatively unless it's important to your identity/self esteem. That's not always possible though.

On that note timestamped video:



edit: Obviously this topic is more expansive and you can get into race as well I don't have personal experience with that being white but yeah.
 
#13 ·
I make people feel uncomfortable for simply being an unattractive/ugly female.

I'm mostly invisible. Sometimes I get treated as a subhuman.

I work in a warehouse and usually the roller shutter is up but due to covid we now have it closed and people have to ring the bell.

When I come into work I ring the bell and usually the 2IC opens the side door. But he just pushes it open because he knows it is me and he is always pissed when he has to open the door for me. He will turn around in frustration. I would say morning and he would say morning with an agitated tone.

It makes me feel terrible. I try to not let it bother me but it does. I will ask him to leave the door a jar from now on.
Try to be extremely nice to that guy,smile, ask how he doing, say something like.. Thank you for opening the door for me, I appreciate it, it make him feel uncomfortable and like **** for being rude to you ;)
 
#23 ·
The backstory is that I had a few surgeries on my eyes.

The combination of double eyelid surgery and repair surgeries afterwards have made my eyelids look unnatural.

I regret having double eyelid surgery. I was naive and impatient and went ahead with the surgery without proper research.

I can understand why people would be uncomfortable making eye contact with me.

Usually people are nice or okay with me. They just feel uncomfortable sometimes and I don't blame them, even though it hurts me.

I ignore the people who disrespect or are rude to me. How they treat me is a reflection on them.
 
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