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SAS Member
Public Universal Enemy
43,339 Posts
Yeah that makes sense. Formula ****hole town + 2010-14 = different experience from what I had in London in 2016. The society has gone far in these few decades. I remember the world when body positivity wasn't a thing (something like 2005). At the time I not only shaved my legs but also used an electric epilator to remove my forearm hair. I had to whack myself out on whisky to withstand the pain. Creepy times.

Re hair colour, it's probably the colour rather than your hair. Blue fades very fast. A few weeks and poof, it's gone, replaced with a dirty greenish shade. My hair takes to colour easily (it's fairly light) and blue doesn't last on me either. Doesn't last on anyone.
Oh the ****hole town is where I'm living now. The place I was talking about with the people before who commented was my university city which was a different place. They weren't local people either so can't really comment on that. I guess that was also a weird place sometimes since I mostly lived around the city centre, so there was some weird stuff happening there occasionally too. I used to use hair removal cream. I only tried to shave my legs once but they just ended up with a bunch of cuts on them so I didn't try that again. I've never tried using an epilator but that does sound bad D: I think my mum has used one but can't remember her talking about that. I know waxing is painful as well.

I never removed my forearm hair and now that you mention it a guy I knew at uni also compared our forearm hair lol. I don't have a lot of hair but I'm quite pale and my hair is pretty dark. But he made a bunch of comments about my gendered behaviour and stuff like that and he was kind of metrosexual but slightly traditional. In hindsight I find that kind of validating though. He found me boring to shop with because I wouldn't really buy any clothes and wasn't into most of the shops there, and he wanted me to wear dresses more and also was mildly irritated one time when I didn't understand that he was walking next to the road on purpose so I wouldn't have to (as some kind of weird gender role,) but I also saved him from a spider once and he posted that I was his hero on facebook. He got some jokey responses for that too like 'I imagine them carrying you out of the room bridal style' or something. (There's a lot of context here but it's increasingly off topic lol so not going into it all. I've posted about him too many times anyway.)

I dyed it lots of different colours but it would always fade pretty fast but it might be that I didn't leave it on long enough or something though. I think bright pink and red shades lasted longer. I often dyed it purple and I don't think that lasted as long.
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SAS Member
810 Posts
Discussion Starter · #22 · (Edited)
This makes me so mad!

So ... it seems combination of the way you look, your awkwardness, and the fact this guy has to spend a minute opening the door to let you in, somehow doesn't sit right with him.

I know you said he had been nice to you, but honestly, if letting you in pains him so much, that really is wholly his problem. It isn't down to you at all, so please don't feel bad.

You said he was fine with letting guys in the door. So apparently he has some issue either with the fact you're a female, or with you in particular.

I would struggle to contain myself lol ... I'm a guy, so presumably he would have no issue letting me in, but if I felt he was somehow put out by the simple act of allowing me access, I'd have it out with him. Straight up ask him what his problem was.

I get that this isn't something you would want or feel able to do. And if I understand correctly, he's senior to you, so there's that as well.

But please try not to feel that you're somehow to blame for "making" this dude (or anyone else for that matter) feel uncomfortable.

It isn't up to you to make people feel comfortable. Just as it isn't your fault if they do feel uncomfortable around you.

Yeah, I do understand where you're coming from with all this. It's a situation that, at one time, would have bothered me, too. I'm better now, so I can see things more objectively.

I think those of us with SA tend to blame ourselves. It's almost as if we believe we need to apologise for even existing. I guess a lot of it stems from feeling bad about ourselves. Low self-esteem.

Anyway, best of luck. This guy really needs to get over himself!
Thank you for your response.

I understand it is his problem for making such a fuss. He has been leaving the door ajar for me in the morning which is better for both of us.

I tend to make a lot of people uncomfortable. Usually it doesn't bother me and sometimes I laugh it off, but sometimes it does get to me. It depends on how confident I feel.

Sometimes I feel like a hunchback leper with how people respond to me. Actually with how the guys at work react to me.

One time I was in the middle of eating an orange. The 2IC & boss asked me to send a purchase order to a supplier for a driver to collect.

I wanted to quickly finish eating the orange and popped a slice into my mouth. The boss quickly went back to his office & the 2IC basically ran out of the office. I saw him smiling to himself like he was wondering why he reacted like that.

They were standing behind me but my desk is at the front of a glass window so they probably saw my reflection.

It was humiliating.

SAS Member
810 Posts
Discussion Starter · #23 ·
The backstory is that I had a few surgeries on my eyes.

The combination of double eyelid surgery and repair surgeries afterwards have made my eyelids look unnatural.

I regret having double eyelid surgery. I was naive and impatient and went ahead with the surgery without proper research.

I can understand why people would be uncomfortable making eye contact with me.

Usually people are nice or okay with me. They just feel uncomfortable sometimes and I don't blame them, even though it hurts me.

I ignore the people who disrespect or are rude to me. How they treat me is a reflection on them.
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