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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is a lot longer than I intended it to be but please read it.
I am currently a Sophomore in college and I am having a hard time making friends. I feel like most people make their friends from their hallway freshmen year. A lot of people make friends in pairs with their roommates. Even if two roommates don’t end up being friends in the long run, I noticed that at the beginning of Freshmen year, people go around meeting their hall mates and then hanging out with them together in these pairs. This takes a lot of the pressure off of making new friends and also makes things less awkward. After getting more comfortable with the people in their hall, people sometimes break away from their roommates and sometimes they don’t. Last year I got unlucky and roomed with a girl who wasn't interested in meeting new people. She wouldn't even let me leave our door open. It is very difficult for someone like me who is shy, socially awkward, and lacking self confidence to make friends alone. I feel like everyone in my hall clicked off very quickly and before I knew it, I was alone. I had a very hard time adjusting to college and I spent most of last year feeling depressed. Being shy and depressed is the recipe to not make friends.
This year, my floor is about half Freshmen and half upperclassmen. I feel like all the upperclassmen have their friends and aren’t looking for any more. It is very difficult for a shy person to break into an already formed social circle. And just like last year, my roommate isn’t looking to make friends. So any socializing I want to do with my hallway, I have to do alone. I have hung out with a bunch of freshmen in my hallway. Honestly though, I only really “clicked” with maybe two of them. I would like to be friends with these two people but, I feel like they already cliqued off with other people in the hallway. I also feel weird trying to befriend the freshmen since I am a year older. I feel like they are thinking, "Doesn't she already have friends? Why is she trying to befriend us?"
My problem is, I have a lot of trouble following through with relationships and turning acquaintances into friends. I have people who I sit with in class but I have an extremely difficult time taking relationships to the next level. Its not that I’m that fearful of rejection, I feel like the whole process of asking to get food or hang out will be awkward. I’m also afraid that it isn’t appropriate to take things to the next level. I know the people who I sit with already have friends and although they can use another “class buddy” they don’t need another friend. I also get depressed really easily. It makes it even harder to feel confident and step out of my comfort zone when I’m not in a good mood.
I understand how wonderful college can be if you have a good group of friends. All of my friends from home love college and they were very excited to come back to school. I have been dreading coming back for the entire summer. I feel like it isn’t fair that I am so unhappy. College is supposed to be the best four years of your life and I feel like it is going to be the worst four years of my life.
At this point I feel like there is something wrong with me that is preventing me from making friends. I have a hard time relating to others and clicking with people. I have awkward tendencies I am just generally not very comfortable with people. I really cannot even visualize having a close group of friends here. I just feel like it is never going to happen. Everyone else has found their niche here and is having the time of their lives. I feel like I am just floating around without any true friends to keep me grounded. I am not in a position where I have zero friends. My roommate and I met last year and we are friends (although we aren’t really close and honestly if we weren’t rooming together we would probably never see each other. and she is leaving next year). I have another friend but, she is in a sorority so she is really busy with that. I am also starting to become friends with one of my suitemates but, she is studying abroad next semester and she already has a lot of friends. So basically none of my friends are very reliable.
I am frustrated because I want to enjoy college so badly. But, I feel like I am destined to be miserable for the next three years because I am cursed with shyness and insecurity. I want to make more friends but I feel like I can’t. I don’t look like the type of person who would have trouble making friends. I am attractive (a lot of people other than my parents have told me this) and I dress nicely. I am also a very nice and reliable friend. Although I am nervous when I first meet people and I don’t talk that much, I am fun to be around once people get to know me. I just want friends and I want to enjoy college! I am so sick of worrying about not having friends. I think about it all the time and I don’t want to have to think about it anymore. I am taking some hard classes this year (organic chem. And genetics). I wish I could just concentrate on doing well in my courses and not have to worry about friends. I cannot stand seeing everyone around me having fun while I am stuck worrying and being miserable.
The only thought that is getting me through this year is the thought that next year I can transfer to a school a few miles away from my house and commute. I know that this option is pathetic but I cannot stand feeling lonely and sad anymore. At least if I commute, I will be able to go home to my parents everyday so maybe I won’t feel as lonely. The problem is, I most likely wont make any friends as Junior transfer commuter. I don’t know if I can take two years of not hanging out with anyone for besides my parents and my home friends during the summer. At my current school I have a greater chance of making more friends and I already do have some people to hang out with. I am also toying with the option of transferring to a school that one of my home friends goes to. Although it would be obvious that the only reason why I would transfer there would be because my friend goes there. I feel like that would be very embarrassing for me and would be even more pathetic than commuting to a school from home.
I just want to be happy. Please help. How can I make more friends? Is it too late for me?
 

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I realize this is a really old post, but I stumbled upon it as I was googling the topic of having problems with making friends in college. I feel very much the same as what you described in your post. Only my main reason for not having friends is the fact that I live at home with my parents 30 minutes from campus. I'm not shy at all, but I feel like there is no way to make friends other than by being part of the daily campus routines outside class - like eating together and living in close vicinity to each other. I also have a big course load, being a pre-med double major.

Have things gotten any better for you? Or are you still feeling the same way? I'm not sure if I just don't know how to use this forum, or if there are no replies to your post..?
 
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