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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've met a girl a few weeks ago, we spent a lot of time talking online, and on the phone. She was very interested. We met twice, last time quite recently.

Now, tonight, she had been ignoring me online for three days after our last meeting (she was always the one to start conversation) so I decided to be quite direct and ask her about what was on her mind since I was getting a bit attached to her.

Turns out, she tells me I am not like she expected. She's not disappointed by my looks, but by the fact that I'm not an outgoing guy regularly going to nightclubs and stuff. That we're too different. That she'll never feel sexual attraction for me, that we could however stay friends (Why the effing **** would she want me as her friend if we're too different to start with?!). I told her to **** off and blocked her.

I feel f*cking miserable. I don't regret not wanting her as a friend because it would only bring me trouble, but I had so much hopes towards her. I just feel like jumping off a bridge.

It hurts. It hurts very badly.
 

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if this happened over the course of a few weeks then it wasnt love. it was infatuation. and yes, when people shoot you down so bluntly its going to hurt. ive been there and all i can do is encourage you to not give up on trying to reach out to others. this is going to sound corny, but i truly believe if someone perseveres they will eventually find what they are looking for, and when that moment happens all the bitterness of years past will be nothing more than a distant memory.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
if this happened over the course of a few weeks then it wasnt love. it was infatuation. and yes, when people shoot you down so bluntly its going to hurt. ive been there and all i can do is encourage you to not give up on trying to reach out to others. this is going to sound corny, but i truly believe if someone perseveres they will eventually find what they are looking for, and when that moment happens all the bitterness of years past will be nothing more than a distant memory.
Yeah, it wasn't love.

But.. it's somehow related to love since we're talking about dating and romantic interest.
 

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Having "those feelings" for someone who doesn't have them for you is obviously really tough. You want more than anything for them to feel the same way, but when they don't, it hurts. You can be thankful she told you straight away...lots of people would just be afraid to hurt your feelings, and end up dragging this situation out for weeks/months.

And yeah, definitely not love. If you loved her, and I mean really loved her, then your feelings wouldn't be influenced by her feelings. When you love someone, how they feel about you shouldn't matter.
 

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lots of people would just be afraid to hurt your feelings, and end up dragging this situation out for weeks/months.
Yeah...I know it won't help right now, but in the future when you look back you'll be happy it was in such a short time. I'm on the receiving end of an eight month lie it seems, and I still can't really cope three weeks after it happened.
 

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TPower, welcome to the world of dating and rejection. It's very common. She wasn't the right match or you is all; two different people with different wants at the moment.

Focus on what you really want and pursue it. Everything else that doesn't go through it's just a part of the process. It's a normal thing and happens to the best of us. It's like a job not hiring you because you don't meet their specific needs at THE MOMENT. Don't worry about it. So many other women out there that want you.
 

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You went overboard telling her to f*** off. I understand your frustration but she was more honest with you than most girls are when they turn down a guy. That's a good thing IMO. I can respect that. As for the "we can be friends" bit even though you two are "too different". Yeah that doesn't make rational sense. You two have been chatting for awhile online and on the phone. Obviously there's a good deal of relating going on. But believe it or not I had a similar speech from my ex-girlfriend (about us not having much in common apparently) and her and I are still friends and we text frequently and hang out a bit. My ex and I are too different to ever be boyfriend/girlfriend again. But we're not too different to be friends. If that makes sense. Honestly if she was actually interested in being friends on you, it wouldn't hurt to take her up on the offer. If you have SA and poor social skills, making new friends isn't exactly a bad idea. Especially friends you can hang out with. But you know how it is. A lot of girls will just use that line "we can still be friends" and not mean it.

And don't say that you feel like jumping off a bridge. Your self-worth is not validated by whether some woman wants you or not. You should concentrate on living the life that you want. Don't let fear get in the way of living your life. Focus on improving your confidence, getting out of your head and stop worrying about what other people think. Focus on experiencing more of what life has to offer. And "failure" is not something to be down about. People can learn and grow from their failures. And sometimes people just don't click and that's that.

I know personally I take rejection to heart and I care way too much about what other people think of me. But the only thing that should matter is what you think of yourself. Maybe this outgoing girl could sense your lack of confidence and your depressive/anxious vibe in your body language and tone and this turned her off. Since it seems like a general rule that women are attracted to confidence (yes being shy and self-conscious doesn't necessarily mean you won't be able to attract women at all. But it's not like the social anxiety is a net positive benefit to your life anyway. It doesn't do you any favors). The problem lies in the depression and anxiety. You will have to correct that. Being depressed and socially anxious is NOT YOU. Never let fear define your personality. It's easier to accept the idea of changing when you are willing to accept that the you that you think you are (socially anxious introverted guy) is defined by fear and isn't actually the real you.
 

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She must have liked your looks and thought you had a fun personality going on as well. That happens to me a lot. This is why I'm often scared to let people get to know me better cause they're not going to like the real me. Next time you meet someone be sure to tell them as soon as possible that you're shy and not the club going type. The sooner they know what to expect the better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
She knew I was reserved and shy. She actually thought it was cute that I was shy around girls.

Also, I did let her know with humor, not with some awkward "I'm socially inept.".
 

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She knew I was reserved and shy. She actually thought it was cute that I was shy around girls.

Also, I did let her know with humor, not with some awkward "I'm socially inept.".
At least she thought it was cute that you were shy and quiet. Most females do not think that. Be glad you got that kind of compliment, as I only got told that once in my life from a female and I had to dig/fish for it.

Also, I agree with everyone else that you were infatuated with her, as I have been in this situation three times during high school. Yeah, not being wanted more than a friend even though you wanted her more than a friend hurts, I know, but you must learn to get over it and move on with life.

If you are not able to move on from this event, you will only sink deeper and deeper into depression and loneliness, and soon tie your self-worth with getting validation from the opposite sex, which is no good if you want to be truly happy.

Trust me, I know from experience. Heed my advice.
 

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Turns out, she tells me I am not like she expected. She's not disappointed by my looks, but by the fact that I'm not an outgoing guy regularly going to nightclubs and stuff. That we're too different.
Sucks to hear, but you know what? It's her loss.

That she'll never feel sexual attraction for me, that we could however stay friends (Why the effing **** would she want me as her friend if we're too different to start with?!). I told her to **** off and blocked her.
Smart move. You did the only thing a man should do on occasions like this. I did the same with my ex. No sense for you to stick around in the "friend zone" if you do have feelings for her. But look on the bright side; she let you know pretty quickly, instead of months after you started dating.

It hurts. It hurts very badly.
I hear you, man. The feeling is familiar to a lot of us. You might not feel like that right now, but you'll get over it, and when you do, you'll laugh about this.
 

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Yeah love hurts, makes you feel miserble. It's the worse feeling when someone you love doesn't like you back.

The way she has acted though is terrible, she isn't really worth it at all. You will feel better and realise how bad she is soon enough.
 

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I've met a girl a few weeks ago, we spent a lot of time talking online, and on the phone. She was very interested. We met twice, last time quite recently.

Now, tonight, she had been ignoring me online for three days after our last meeting (she was always the one to start conversation) so I decided to be quite direct and ask her about what was on her mind since I was getting a bit attached to her.

Turns out, she tells me I am not like she expected. She's not disappointed by my looks, but by the fact that I'm not an outgoing guy regularly going to nightclubs and stuff. That we're too different. That she'll never feel sexual attraction for me, that we could however stay friends (Why the effing **** would she want me as her friend if we're too different to start with?!). I told her to **** off and blocked her.

I feel f*cking miserable. I don't regret not wanting her as a friend because it would only bring me trouble, but I had so much hopes towards her. I just feel like jumping off a bridge.

It hurts. It hurts very badly.
i know what your goin through trust me !!!! You were right to tell her to **** off and block her!!! But you have to move on. I know it hurts dude. pick yourself up and move on
 

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She knew I was reserved and shy. She actually thought it was cute that I was shy around girls.

Also, I did let her know with humor, not with some awkward "I'm socially inept.".
Girls don't know what they like, and with few exceptions, regardless of what they'll tell you, shy and reserved is not attractive. If they sense low self confidence, you can usually say goodbye to any chance.

Anyways, sorry to hear about this crap, it always sucks to feel rejected. Also, you have to love "we can still be friends," you did the right thing writing her off and blocking her. Forget about her, and instead work on improving your own self esteem so that even if you are reserved and not super outgoing, you will come off as confident.
 

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So because you went on a couple dates with one woman and she says you two aren't compatible you say "Love is bull****?"

Take the experience for what it was. There are millions of women out there - I'm sure you can find one that doesn't enjoy going to clubs and you have more in common with.

I feel like this is a common theme on this board - a guy spends a very short amount of time with a woman, it doesn't work out, and the guy gets really upset and bitter and claims he will NEVER find anyone and that love is stupid/not real and everything in this world is a lie.

Think realistically. This isn't a "one chance" kind of thing - you get to have more than one attempt at a relationship guys.
Agreed, that was such a short time to fall for her. It's something we with SA are very prone to, but it's just something that gets easier with experience. I can understand infatuation, but you probably started to get so excited and thought about the future and you and her being together and then constructed this whole fantasy in your head that was very far from reality. Real mutual love takes a long time. Telling her to **** off was so far over the top it's not even funny. She just didn't feel like she was compatible, that's all. Again though, I can totally understand - it does hurt man. But we've all been there (or will be there), you're definitely not alone.
 

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Exactly. Real love takes time to develop. It's a slow burn. A girl online told me she loved me before we even met! It's madness. That's infatuation, not love. As awesome of a guy as I am. lol.

Oh and its very immature to have told that girl to f off. Jeez. You know she might have actually meant it when she wanted to remain friends. A female SAS poster the other day expressed her frustration with guys who get angry when she told them that she only saw them as a friend. Friendship is a treasure and too many guys think with their penis too much to realize that.
 
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