I feel like im in prison, in my mind. I feel lonely. So much. But i dont reach out to others. When others reach out to me, i push them away as hard as i can. Then i feel guilty and lonely afterwards. But i cant help it. The prison thats my mind will not allow me any outside contact. I feel like im on death row. Maybe death is the only possible outcome at this point. Maybe its the most desirable. I have noone. I am always alone. The people i live with, i feel like they can barely stand my presence. I feel like i irritate them as much they irritate me. I feel like sometimes they actually hope id just do 'it' (suicide), like theyre aware that ive been thinking of it. I have no friends. I feel like i need someone to listen to me and all the feelings and problems im having. I talk to myself plentifully too, but im sick of doing this. I want to talk to someone and tell them evrything, and i want that person to tell me everything wiill be fine even if i dont believe them. I just want someone to care.