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595 Posts
I haven't posted here in ages but lately my anxiety has resurfaced with a vengence. I believe it is all related to my increasingly poor diet and lack of exercise (which has caused weight gain). For some reason I believe about 90% of my anxiety is appearance related, if not all. I'm not superficial, it just seems to work that way when I'm judging myself. I don't judge others like that, so I don't know why I judge myself like that.
Right now I'm working as a summer student in an office environment. I'm finished at the end of August as I'm going back to school in September. Right now I'm doing some work projects with this older associate from another department. I swear he has social anxiety, or he's just a naturally fidgety, soft-spoken, nervous person lol not that I'm judging but he is one of the few older people I have seen who appears to have issues, although I know many of them exist (my mom, for example).
Anyway, when I'm working with him, our anxiety seems to just feed off each other. I swear I'm conscious of my body movements and facial movements the entire time we are working on a project. I feel so self-conscious of my voice, the words I use, my tone of voice, my appearance, my outfit, etc. I try to remind myself to just worry about "being in the moment" and focus on what is actually going on, but this makes it worse for me as I concentrate on my movements even more.
And I get so paranoid about making noise ANYWHERE. I have the house to myself right now and I'm paranoid about making noise. Both my room mates are on vacation but I think for some random reason one of them is going to come walking through the door. That's not even logical. It's like I'm scared of my own freaking shadow.
The only way I know how to cure my anxiety is through diet and exercise, but I feel like I've been using food to medicate my anxiety and as such, my anxiety worsens, and it just turns into a viscious cycle. Anyway, anxiety is the worst emotional pain that exists I think. I wish someone who doesn't have anxiety would try living a day with it, and see what it feels like to not even be able to talk or know what to say, and to feel your face get hot with horrible nervousness over someone asking you a question.
ugh.
Right now I'm working as a summer student in an office environment. I'm finished at the end of August as I'm going back to school in September. Right now I'm doing some work projects with this older associate from another department. I swear he has social anxiety, or he's just a naturally fidgety, soft-spoken, nervous person lol not that I'm judging but he is one of the few older people I have seen who appears to have issues, although I know many of them exist (my mom, for example).
Anyway, when I'm working with him, our anxiety seems to just feed off each other. I swear I'm conscious of my body movements and facial movements the entire time we are working on a project. I feel so self-conscious of my voice, the words I use, my tone of voice, my appearance, my outfit, etc. I try to remind myself to just worry about "being in the moment" and focus on what is actually going on, but this makes it worse for me as I concentrate on my movements even more.
And I get so paranoid about making noise ANYWHERE. I have the house to myself right now and I'm paranoid about making noise. Both my room mates are on vacation but I think for some random reason one of them is going to come walking through the door. That's not even logical. It's like I'm scared of my own freaking shadow.
The only way I know how to cure my anxiety is through diet and exercise, but I feel like I've been using food to medicate my anxiety and as such, my anxiety worsens, and it just turns into a viscious cycle. Anyway, anxiety is the worst emotional pain that exists I think. I wish someone who doesn't have anxiety would try living a day with it, and see what it feels like to not even be able to talk or know what to say, and to feel your face get hot with horrible nervousness over someone asking you a question.
ugh.