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Audacious romantic
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4,496 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"What's the noise in the wardrobe?"
"The dress is going out of fashion". :blank
 

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Very Quiet
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2,934 Posts
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face"
 

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Banned
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5,857 Posts
aha my uncle was just in town and hes one of those people that spit one liners every other second, anyways were went to see the space shuttle and there was a simulator of what it was like taking of in the shuttle... it was all shaky and bumpy and stuff and he says "runs just like a ford" ahaha i could stop laughing for like 5 mins

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

lol
 

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King of MonkeyWorld ;)
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3,219 Posts
What did the sea say to the penguin? Nothing it just waved,

Your mums so fat she went out in stilettos and came back with flip flops,

your mums so poor she hangs the toilet paper out to dry ,

lol I liked the joke illmatic I think its suppose to be short jokes tho :lol ^_^
 

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Sloth King
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1,828 Posts
A philosophy joke, because I can

what do they call a German philosopher who works on interiors?
An Interior Daseiner!
 

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Quag filante
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8,709 Posts
Why did the crow get scared? Because it sat on a scarecrow.

Just one of my jokes I made up awhile back. :D
 

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Quag filante
Joined
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8,709 Posts
A philosophy joke, because I can

what do they call a German philosopher who works on interiors?
An Interior Daseiner!
Haha, I get it. And I'm not even German. :3
 

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Writer
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2,521 Posts
At some movie-theatre:

Customer: I would like two tickets.

Clerk: For the Hobbit?

Customer: No, that's my wife.
 

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Registered
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18 Posts
Two good friends are out driving on Route 66 and one guy has to take a leak. Being in the middle of nowhere they pull over by some shrubbery and the guy goes to relieve himself. Suddenly, he screams "Aaagh! a rattler bit my cock!"
"Relax!" says his friend, "I'll go find a pay phone and call a doctor." So his friend drives off and finds a pay phone, call a doctor and asks what he should do.
"Well," said the doc," you must cut crosses in the wound and suck out the poison."
"Is that the only way Doc?" asked the man.
"Yes, you must do that or he'll die."
He finally gets back to friend and his friend asked "So, what did the doctor say?"
"You're gonna die, buddy. You're gonna die."


Sorry if it was too long.
 

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Manic Hispanic
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5,406 Posts
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.

If a cow is closing it's eyes, what is it making? Concentrated milk.

I'm a baker, and I hate my job, but I knead the dough.
 

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Quag filante
Joined
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8,709 Posts
Two good friends are out driving on Route 66 and one guy has to take a leak. Being in the middle of nowhere they pull over by some shrubbery and the guy goes to relieve himself. Suddenly, he screams "Aaagh! a rattler bit my cock!"
"Relax!" says his friend, "I'll go find a pay phone and call a doctor." So his friend drives off and finds a pay phone, call a doctor and asks what he should do.
"Well," said the doc," you must cut crosses in the wound and suck out the poison."
"Is that the only way Doc?" asked the man.
"Yes, you must do that or he'll die."
He finally gets back to friend and his friend asked "So, what did the doctor say?"
"You're gonna die, buddy. You're gonna die."

Sorry if it was too long.
Well, damn. What a nice friend. :roll:p
 
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