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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Whenever I go to the store with someone I know and a store employee says "hi" or "can I help you with anything", I'm too afraid to speak and let the person I'm with do the talking.

If I'm by myself (very rare) and an employee says those same things to me, I'm not afraid to respond. It's only when I'm with someone I know that I'm afraid to respond.

Does anyone know why that is? I can't understand it. But I think finding the cause of that fear would be very helpful to me.
 

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I am exactly like this. The only thing I can figure is that strangers don't have any preconceived notions about me.
 

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I've the same situation. I tend to keep quiet and let the other person around me to do the talking. In my situation, I feel like I'm tired of having to talk with them.
 

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Nowhere Man
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I am exactly like this. The only thing I can figure is that strangers don't have any preconceived notions about me.
This. I'd rather walk into a bar with people I don't know than the people I grew up with. At least the strangers will be ambivalent towards me.
 

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Im kinda like this too! I think its because with strangers I have nothing to loose. But friends know you and expect you to act in a certain way so I feel the way I act and the things I say will be judged more. But every time you talk to a stranger without anyone else there its like a fresh start and you can feel free to be who you want more. Although im still pretty anxious around strangers when on my own, I just dont have the extra anxiety of worrying about what my friends think of me. Its kinda like I feel my ability to talk to other people is being judged by them.

Thats what I feel anyway, dont know if that makes sense to you. Hope it helps.
 

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I'm better with strangers because I don't have to see or talk to them for long and probably never see them again. Strangers are only a problem when I'm in a situation with them where I can't leave whenever I want.

Maybe it's similar for you? If you say something stupid to the stranger, very little harm done. If you say it around someone you know, they can remember it and you'll have to endure the embarrassment with them :|
 

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Im kinda like this too! I think its because with strangers I have nothing to loose. But friends know you and expect you to act in a certain way so I feel the way I act and the things I say will be judged more. But every time you talk to a stranger without anyone else there its like a fresh start and you can feel free to be who you want more. Although im still pretty anxious around strangers when on my own, I just dont have the extra anxiety of worrying about what my friends think of me. Its kinda like I feel my ability to talk to other people is being judged by them.

Thats what I feel anyway, dont know if that makes sense to you. Hope it helps.
Exactly this :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I think my problem might be that I feel embarrassed or awkward to say "hi" in front of people I know. I guess I'm afraid they'll judge me. It doesn't really make any sense though.

Can I blame my mom for this? I'm sort of kidding here, but I do think part of it is her fault. When I was a kid, she allowed me to stay quiet and did the talking for me rather than forcing me to talk. Like when we went to a restaurant, she'd tell the server what I wanted instead of making me tell them. She was still doing that for me when I was eight years old, maybe even older, I don't remember.
 

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Hmm.. my guess is you dont care what they think.

You: "Ehh your a stranger, its not like I have to see you on a daily basis"
Compared to..
You: " Ugh this is embarassing, I hope [insert friends name here] doesnt remember this for days to come." "Cmon [insert your own name here] dont do anything stupid, I really care about what this person thinks about me."
 

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Fear of judgement and criticism? Fear that you'll run out of things to say? Fear that people will look at you weird because you are not acting in their preconceived image of you?
 

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Yea, it's weird but I agree with most of the replies so far... i tend to ask someone im with (depending on who im with) to talk to people in a shop if i have a question, but i wouldn't exactly consider myself afraid i just perfer someone else to ask for me lol idk why.... but comparing close people in your life to strangers in general, I find I can talk to close friends really easily and feel comfortable, but when it's something big, important, embarrassing or could cause conflict I would more likely be open towards the stranger or someone i know very little in this case.. and I think it's because with a stranger you don't care what they think and they don't know the situation or people involved, but if you tell close friends and family something that could change their view on you it's a lot more stressful and you're worried what they'll think about you.
 

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Less nervous? Hell, I experiment socially with strangers whenenver I get the opportunity (save for the few times I can't help but get anxious). In some cases, I'll even act out of character to see where it takes me.

It can get pretty fun, but in other cases it doesn't work.
 

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Yeah me too. Maybe we should have been born nomads then we'd be cured.
 

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SASsy
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Probably because you know the people you know know you have SA but you know the people you don't know don't know you have SA.

Does that make sense? :blank
 

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I'm like this too, I think it's becasue i'm scared of looking stupid in front of the person i know, like i think i'll mix my words up or just look plain stupid. Why say something when the person i'm with will, i gues i think it'll save me embarasment (when in reality i just feel more pathetic)
 

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I understand exactly what people are talking about here. Strangers are great! No history. No baggage. Strangers think you're perfect and we love them for it! Start from scratch. Back to square one!
So what does that say about us?We are idealists? We like the illusion that we are perfect to others?
Whereas our friends know us warts and all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
So then it seems my issue is that I'm afraid of saying and/or looking stupid in front of the person I'm with, who is usually a close relative.

I actually find that I can talk more easily to people I don't really know very well. I can't talk about anything important or personal to relatives, and I don't have any friends. The one friend I had moved away years ago. Although, I used to be able to talk about personal things with some of the friends I use to have. None of my relatives know I have SA and I'm terrified of telling them. But I could easily tell any non-relative without fear. I don't understand that.

I would be just as afraid of telling a relative that I have SA as I would be telling them that I'm getting married (I'm not, that's just an example). I also have trouble telling relatives "Happy Birthday" or "Happy Mother's Day" or whatever the occasion may be. But I don't have problems saying that to someone I don't know very well. That's so weird, I just don't get it.
 

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Sometimes I get nervous in front of my own parents, so I don't think thats weird. Maybe this does have to do with how well the person knows you and how we care what the person thinks?
 
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