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Out there...
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5,124 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I got to thinking about this lately, and I was trying to go back to the times I had a really good conversation going, only for me to end it abruptly. There are WAY too many.

In some instances, it was merely because of anxiety (go figure!). Some instances were because I just suddenly ran out of anything to say. The latter was always somewhat concerning, because I can usually BS or make up something and RUN WITH IT (hey, it's fun).

Other times it was chatting with someone at a bar, but then I always had to be somewhere, which forced me to prematurely end something fulfilling. I also deliberate on whether to ask for their number so we could meet up again (something I regret I didn't do more).

One thing of note: Once I leave and I get this feeling, I get this weird response in my head to just go back and "finish" the conversation properly with that person.


What do you think of this? Advice? Help? Any pointers? Sympathy? "Yeah, Ive been there before."?

Tell me about some of your situations too.
 

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Out there...
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5,124 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
More like when you've both finished your sentences, and then just quickly go "Well, I gotta go. It was nice talking with you", and then bolt.

Sometimes even during the conversation, you think of something you want to bring up but you stop yourself. Then afterwards you think "Damn, I really should have mentioned that. We could've really connected and talked a lot more".

You lose your chance of making your conversations fulfilling. You lose your chance of making a friend or getting a date. What if you don't get these opportunities that much? I don't want to be thinking to myself, "Oh well, there's always next YEAR till I get another try at this".

Maybe not being able to hold a conversation plays a factor into this. But that happens very arbitrarily for me. I could suddenly blank out with a person who I am showing no anxiety towards. And sometimes I feel anxious talking to a specific person, yet the conversation seems to flow effortlessly.

Maybe I'm too manic and impatient, who knows?

Anyone else have anything similar?
 

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Registered
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105 Posts
I think I know what you mean, and if so I have to say that I do the same thing. I try not to get into long conversations with people because I have enough trouble with small talk as it is. I feel like if I do engage in an ongoing conversation, I'm just opening up even more opportunities for me to be awkward, at a loss for words, say something thats just plain stupid... and a lot of times, once a conversation has long since ended, I wish I would have said some of the things that I was thinking in my head that were relevant, but instead I just let it die off. :?
 

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merry-seeking
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473 Posts
I tend to think of things to say to people before/after I'm with them, I draw a lot of blanks when we're together. It's usually a little easier if I'm with a few people rather than one-on-one.

When a convo goes less than well, I tend to replay it in my head after. Recently, I got frustrated and embarrassed at how boring I was coming across and I couldn't think of much to say, and when the other person said that we could do something next time, I muttered "if there'll be a next time." I absolutely want to meet up again, so why I say things I don't feel is maddening. He hasn't responded to my email, perhaps he isn't as kind or forgiving as I imagined. I'd like to know for sure though ;)
 

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I think I know what you mean, and if so I have to say that I do the same thing. I try not to get into long conversations with people because I have enough trouble with small talk as it is. I feel like if I do engage in an ongoing conversation, I'm just opening up even more opportunities for me to be awkward, at a loss for words, say something thats just plain stupid...
For me, it's kind of like leaving a conversation on a high note. There was an episode of "Seinfeld" about this, though it was more pertaining to George interacting with his boss and/or colleagues rather than generic social situations. Anyway, George decided he was going to start leaving on a "high note" - that is, he would immediately leave after saying something for which he received positive feedback in order to leave the others with a sense of "wanting more". Needless to say, this meant George ended up leaving at some abrupt points in the conversation. So maybe we're all just trying to leave on a high note.
 

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A ****ing Leper
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461 Posts
I do this all the time. I just kinda.... leave lol.
that's exactly what happens with me 100% of the time. i think it's entirely involuntary. even if there's someone i wouldn't want to give a second of my time to, and we cross paths or whatnot, i'd prefer to put up a "bad faith" facade, and tie things up neatly in catering to the ego. although i'm a neurotic misanthrope, shouldn't i have enough spare focus and self control to figure out how to improve my interaction in the most routine instances? i really can't remember a time when i didn't do this (family too), therefore, it must be terminal inauthenticity of the self.

...ended up leaving at some abrupt points in the conversation. So maybe we're all just trying to leave on a high note.
in my case, this sentiment is a distant abstraction. the whole conversation, chat, pass-by acknowledgment, body language from 600 yards away, and retreat is an anticipation act of complete fear and loathing; ridden with a caustic, false front ADHD override, moonlighting extensively for the less motivated GAD. throughout each act there are multitudes of awkward moments in which i'm primarily trying to predict or elicit an escape clause, causing mass confusion, and ensuring that each incident could only end on a "this never happened" note.
 
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