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This does not describe me right now. But a few months ago, it did. It seemed that I gave myself no reason to live. Now I'm making plans about moving out, spending time on my writing, and planning to look for a part-time job before October comes in. The whole thing scares me poopless, but now I really am appalled about how I thought, a few months ago, that I wouldn't mind if cancer took me, or that I just had no reason to get up, or that all I would ever do would be to organize my stuff.

Is anyone here not really suicidal, but sort of putting a low value on their lives?

I think this is a real problem to be addressed. You don't have to be suicidal to have no reason to live. And having no reason to live always makes people more anxious and depressed. It sure did that to me.
 

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I know exactly what you mean. I'm at that point right now where I really don't care what happens to me. I know that I need to do things but I have no will to do them. I need to get a job, I need to address problems with my bank accounts, I need to start my life again & my will to do that has evaporated, more or less. I try to get up at a reasonable hour every day but I can't seem to manage that.

All I do is want to sleep. I don't even watch TV anymore, just have it on in the background so the house isn't quiet. I'm very depressed.
 

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I can relate 100%. I am so terribly depressed, and I can't see anything getting better now matter what I do. I only get up and go to work because I have to support my existence while I'm here. No one else is going to help me.

Journaling today, I asked myself on a scale of 1 to 10 where was I in terms of suicide. I'm at a good 61/2 right now. Not high enough to do it myself, but trust me when I say I wouldn't give a damn if I got hit by a truck right now.
 

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dismal_dame said:
I can relate 100%. I am so terribly depressed, and I can't see anything getting better now matter what I do. I only get up and go to work because I have to support my existence while I'm here. No one else is going to help me.

Journaling today, I asked myself on a scale of 1 to 10 where was I in terms of suicide. I'm at a good 61/2 right now. Not high enough to do it myself, but trust me when I say I wouldn't give a @#$% if I got hit by a truck right now.
:hug
Depression is so hard to live with and i understand how you feel. I sometimes wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up.
 

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I feel the same way. I just foresee me being the same 20 years down the road. Im not suicidal but I wouldn't mind if something all of the sudden ended me sometimes.
 

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dismal_dame said:
I wouldn't give a @#$% if I got hit by a truck right now.
Yeah, every now and then I really really hope for that kind of thing to happen to me. By accident of course. I'm not willing to live a miserable life indefinitely, but I would never off myself because I'd never want to put my family through the grieving process.
 

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I have a quick question.

Are you only suicidal if you make actual attempts? Are you not considered suicidal if you're ok with being hit by a truck or to suddenly become stricken with cancer? :stu

I'm not really afraid of being dead, I'm afraid of dying. Which is only natural. That's got to be the primary reason I haven't made any attempts. Plus, I haven't exhausted all possibilites. Most of the time I feel like no matter what I try I'll never be happy. I'm sure that's just the hopelessness that accompanies depression talking. But I plan to get serious about therapy, find a less (mentally) demanding job, and if none of this works, I'll go for meds. After I try all of this and I'm still not feeling too much better than I might go ahead and do it.
 

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I can really relate, though i used to have suicidal bouts in the past (not attempted though) and i've over the idea of suicide because i'm afraid of what's after death if you do it. I've had to deal with alot of hardships and bad depression, so i've basically been inside alot with no 'real' life.
I have alot of oppurtunities i just don't find the will to take them, i feel useless and like it wouldn't matter anyways. I think i was close to death once and sometimes i do wish i had died..but at the time i hoped i lived..so i think i have more will to live than to die. But i seriously think that death isn't such a bad thing, as long as you die of natural causes.
 

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I feel the same way. I honestly would not care if I died. Mostly I stay alive for my mother’s sake. She’s the only one who’s ever been there for me and I just couldn't do that (kill my self) to her.
 

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Josh said:
I feel the same way. I honestly would not care if I died. Mostly I stay alive for my mother's sake. She's the only one who's ever been there for me and I just couldn't do that (kill my self) to her.
Exactly how I feel most of the time. My cousin committed suicide when he was a teenager, and seeing how it affected his parents is really what restrains me. I couldn't do that to my mom.
 

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Well... I'm not sure but... I feel at least a bit like this.

And have for... quite some time...

Things are just... ****, they pretty much always have been. I feel like I've wasted my life but I couldn't have changed it anyway. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and SA means I have like... 1 friend, but I never even do anything outside school anyway so... that barely even counts. In my class at school there's pretty much only 1 guy I talk to... school is such a pain. I feel so uncomfortable and warm and sweaty and stiff and... I get a really bad feeling in my whole body...

I feel like things can't possibly ever get any better. I mean, I've waited this long, right? Things are still ****. And I can't talk to anyone about it, and even if I did I wouldn't be able to phrase it right or they wouldn't understand how bad things are.

Ugh... everything annoys me... that and I'm 5' 7" and have aspired to be tall all my life but now it looks like I'm ****ed. I wouldn't mind so much if I at least had some consolation...
 

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I feel like this. I wouldn't mind if I got run over by a bus tomorrow, but I'm not actually going to step in the path of a bus and I would actually get out of the path of the bus. If this makes any sense.

At the moment I've got into my head I'm not going to live past twenty five, I don't know where this has come from. I know when I was a child that I didn't want to grow any older than 25, I didn't mind living I just didn't want to age. I'm due to turn 26 in January and I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm worried about why I have this conviction, and why I'm not bothered by it. :stu

I suppose I don't really have anything to live for. I changed jobs to something that was a more junior position than I was doing before but that wasn't apparent from the job description. I feel like I'm wasting my life but I can't leave because I have to pay my bills. Its all a vicious cycle. I just want some peace.
 

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raeble said:
At the moment I've got into my head I'm not going to live past twenty five, I don't know where this has come from. I know when I was a child that I didn't want to grow any older than 25, I didn't mind living I just didn't want to age.
I've been severely depressed since I was 14, and since then I've never expected to live longer than 25 either. That's why I've never put much thought into planning my career path or being focused on my education or anything.
 

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'Living suicide' is what I call it.....staying alive because suicide is not cool, but not actually "living" and enjoying life. Not a great life choice, but depression has a sweet way of making it seem like there is nothing better.
 

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I can relate. I fear death as much as a fear the devil. There's no way I could even think about suicide. My goal in life is to become successful, because success is the sweetest revenge. I want to seek revenge to the people that didn't show me love when I most needed affection, to the people that ignored me when I most needed attention. Everyone will love me once I reach success. That's how sweet success is. And I won't die until I reach it. The only thing left is... from where to start?
 

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I'm not suicidal but my hellish existence is killing me!
 

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I feel exactly the same way. Life is like a third nipple or an extra leg; unwanted, un-needed & a pest. I don't get the purpose in living & I hate waking up every morning to find that I'm still alive. I wouldn't care if I were one of the richest people in the world & I didn't have to work, I will never be truly happy for as long as I continued to draw breath from this planet. To me, life is such a depressing routine; All you do is work so that you can eat, & you eat so that you can live to work another day.

What's even more depressing is that therapy hasn't helped because I've felt this way for as long as I can remember so being cynical is part of my natural self.
 
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