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So like I said in another thread, I recently went to jailand then rehab after and learned a lot about myself from all the interaction I had with other people in those places. Here is one example:

I got to know this guy while in rehab who has major issues. He is so jealous that he basically has pushed every girl he's ever dated away from him by constantly accusing them of cheating on him when they weren't. He is extremely selfish, immature and stupid. Most of the other guys in rehab disliked him and thought he was an idiot.

I have strengths when it comes to relating with other people that far exceed his in many important areas. I would probably make a much better, more understanding, more repsonsible boyfriend than him and be preferred over him by many girls.

Here's the thing, he had had a long string of girlfriends and had six kids (not all with the same girl).

Why is it that I can't even get a single girllfriend (let alone a girl who is willing to have my kid) when I have so much more to offer than this guy who fathered six kids before age 30 and is currently unable to care for any of them?

It must be because he somehow is able to act confident despite everyone thinking he is an idiot when I am not able to despite many people thinking I was intelligent and respecting me more than they did him. This is so frustrating. You can be a fool and get a girlfriend as long as you don't know you're a fool. But if you know that you're a fool, then that's worse than being a much worse fool and not knowing it.

I guess the point here is that all the weaknesses and flaws you have that you are insecure about won't hold you back anywhere near as much as the fact that you are insecure about them. We might be a lot better off if we were dumber and less aware of our lack of social skills.
 

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This is so frustrating. You can be a fool and get a girlfriend as long as you don't know you're a fool. But if you know that you're a fool, then that's worse than being a much worse fool and not knowing it.

I guess the point here is that all the weaknesses and flaws you have that you are insecure about won't hold you back anywhere near as much as the fact that you are insecure about them. We might be a lot better off if we were dumber and less aware of our lack of social skills.
Agree!

Ignorance is bliss. I'm pretty sure you can correlate unhappiness with intelligence.
 

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I guess the point here is that all the weaknesses and flaws you have that you are insecure about won't hold you back anywhere near as much as the fact that you are insecure about them. We might be a lot better off if we were dumber and less aware of our lack of social skills.
Well we´re also very prone to overthinking our actions and/or avoid these actions alltogether. So even if we take certain actions they may not come across as genuine cause were so uncomfortable doing them after all the over thinking we have done before, until we could convince ourselfs to take action. It may be too late then anyway. People who act more instinctivly and do not think much have often a huge advantage. Or they can turn their brain and thoughts OFF somehow (i never knew how this worked cause I am always thinking somehow)-.

Intelligence might not be the main issue...
 

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Simon Says...
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True enough, but then maybe those girls were also just ****ing idiots too? :b
 

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I got to know this guy while in rehab who has major issues. He is so jealous that he basically has pushed every girl he's ever dated away from him by constantly accusing them of cheating on him when they weren't. He is extremely selfish, immature and stupid. Most of the other guys in rehab disliked him and thought he was an idiot.

I have strengths when it comes to relating with other people that far exceed his in many important areas. I would probably make a much better, more understanding, more repsonsible boyfriend than him and be preferred over him by many girls.

Here's the thing, he had had a long string of girlfriends and had six kids (not all with the same girl).

Why is it that I can't even get a single girllfriend (let alone a girl who is willing to have my kid) when I have so much more to offer than this guy who fathered six kids before age 30 and is currently unable to care for any of them?

It must be because he somehow is able to act confident despite everyone thinking he is an idiot when I am not able to despite many people thinking I was intelligent and respecting me more than they did him. This is so frustrating. You can be a fool and get a girlfriend as long as you don't know you're a fool. But if you know that you're a fool, then that's worse than being a much worse fool and not knowing it.

I guess the point here is that all the weaknesses and flaws you have that you are insecure about won't hold you back anywhere near as much as the fact that you are insecure about them. We might be a lot better off if we were dumber and less aware of our lack of social skills.
The sad part of life is that most people with Social Anxiety tend to be more "socially" intelligent or empathic than your average, run-of-the-mill person. Despite having difficulty connecting with people, I feel that I would make a great friend to others, as I am sure many other people on this forum would as well. One of the problems, at least in my opinion, is that our society does not value the traits that we possess. Most people with SA are great observers, great thinkers, and a lot of us go into "helping" professions like social worker, psychology or teaching. Unfortunately, most people in today's society have forgotten that we are interconnected. What has become important is not how you treat people, but how much money you make, how flashy you are, etc. All of those things signal confidence. Even if you are a moron, people will overlook it if they think that you are "fun."
 

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It must be because he somehow is able to act confident despite everyone thinking he is an idiot when I am not able to despite many people thinking I was intelligent and respecting me more than they did him. This is so frustrating. You can be a fool and get a girlfriend as long as you don't know you're a fool. But if you know that you're a fool, then that's worse than being a much worse fool and not knowing it.

I guess the point here is that all the weaknesses and flaws you have that you are insecure about won't hold you back anywhere near as much as the fact that you are insecure about them. We might be a lot better off if we were dumber and less aware of our lack of social skills.
It's not so much intelligence that holds us back, as it is excessive self-awareness. It's always good to possess a degree of self-awareness (so you don't, say, go out and father/mother a bunch of kids you can't care for), but people with SA have TOO MUCH of it (to the point that we can't even speak to somebody, much less father/mother a bunch of kids!). Rather than be stupider we need to find a way to be more accepting and at ease with ourselves. Other than that, yes, I rather agree with your point. "Ignorance is bliss" (to a rational degree).

The sad part of life is that most people with Social Anxiety tend to be more "socially" intelligent or empathic than your average, run-of-the-mill person. Despite having difficulty connecting with people, I feel that I would make a great friend to others, as I am sure many other people on this forum would as well. One of the problems, at least in my opinion, is that our society does not value the traits that we possess. Most people with SA are great observers, great thinkers, and a lot of us go into "helping" professions like social worker, psychology or teaching. Unfortunately, most people in today's society have forgotten that we are interconnected. What has become important is not how you treat people, but how much money you make, how flashy you are, etc. All of those things signal confidence. Even if you are a moron, people will overlook it if they think that you are "fun."
Very good points as well, unfortunately. :sigh

True enough, but then maybe those girls were also just ****ing idiots too? :b
Ha ha, perhaps this as well. Takes two to tango. :teeth
 

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Simon Says...
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Ha ha, perhaps this as well. Takes two to tango. :teeth
With the important implication of course then being... that if you wanted relationships with terrible, horribly undesirable and possibly mentally unstable girls, you probably wouldn't find it too hard to find some. The fact he had so many kids also speaks to the possibility that these girls were easy/irresponsible/crazy/gullible/whatever.

Also not really much of an achievement to have 6 kids by the age of 30 with a series of nutcases.

He SEEMS "successful" in a sense... but no :no.
 
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