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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So at college I have a couple of friends there that all semester long keep inviting me to go to their parties but I can't do it. I've been to a couple of the first ones and just sat there so afraid to say anything and even when someone came to talk to me whether they were complete strangers or the friends that I'm talking about I would just get so nervous and trip over my own words and generally embarrass myself. The second time I went I ended up leaving without saying goodbye to anyone cause I just couldn't deal with it. I've been avoiding their parties ever since but they keep insisting that I go. I'm just afraid they may start to be taking it the wrong way and think that I hate them or something. Should I just force myself to go? Has anyone else been in this situation before?
 

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You should not force your self to go if you truly are not interested. Find a way to let your friends know that you just aren't much into parties that's all. I'm sure they would understand. They obviously like you quite a bit if they keep insisting you come to parties with them. :D
 

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I did actually, hoping it would help me relax but it just doesn't help when there's more than just close friends around.
I know how that is, alcohol usually doesn't relieve my anxiety enough either. Do you actually want to go to the parties and have a good time but just feel too nervous, or do you not want to go to these events because they just plain out don't interest you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I know how that is, alcohol usually doesn't relieve my anxiety enough either. Do you actually want to go to the parties and have a good time but just feel too nervous, or do you not want to go to these events because they just plain out don't interest you?
I would love to be able to go and actually enjoy myself like I see others do but I just become so nervous and self conscious and think everyone is judging me. Like the first time I went, like I said, I just sat by myself and thought the whole time that others were thinking things like "Wow, why is he alone?", "He's sitting all by himself, what a loser". Uhgdvb it sucks.
 

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I used to be the same; declining every party I was invited to or claiming that I was unwell and only attending for an hour. Then people stopped inviting me altogether.
 

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yes I've been in those situations - my friend always hosted parties at her house in my fresh/sophomore years and I was too scared to go, I went once to my friend's party and I was a bit nervous but my friends were with me so I felt better. there were also these dances that i'd go to , at first it was really nerve racking but than u get use to them eventually. Can u tell a friend about ur sa? they might help u guide u through it at the party if they knew about it. My friend new I was shy so she would just help me come out of my shell more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
yes I've been in those situations - my friend always hosted parties at her house in my fresh/sophomore years and I was too scared to go, I went once to my friend's party and I was a bit nervous but my friends were with me so I felt better. there were also these dances that i'd go to , at first it was really nerve racking but than u get use to them eventually. Can u tell a friend about ur sa? they might help u guide u through it at the party if they knew about it. My friend new I was shy so she would just help me come out of my shell more.
No I wouldn't feel comfortable letting them know, although I could see how that may help a bit. I think they already know I'm very shy I think that's partly why they keep wanting me to come to these parties.
 

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I can relate really well to this topic.

My roommates are always trying to get me to party with them. They are the type who goes out 4 days a week and brings back a new girl each night. The thought of them judging me for not being able to keep up with them in that respect really is frightening. I hate it when they have parties at our place because then I am too afraid to even leave my room.
 

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Oh god I hate parties! I'm ok with small ones once in a while as long as I have at least one close friend there and I get a good description of how the people are. But this might only happen once a year. My lover invites me to hang out with his friends sometimes and I went to a bar with them twice and I've been so irritated with seeing my lover and his friends being social with each other and feeling left out, that now I just don't want to go hang out or party at all whenever my friends ask me to hang out with their friends. My lover's friends are very nice and cool people but I still feel left out. Anyway, parties are horrible and it's scarier being a female and dealing with sexual harassment from men that can sometimes happen.
 

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I think you should try to keep going because like you said, they'll start to think you're not interested. How well do you know the friends you're going with? Do you feel comfortable with them? I would stick with the people you know and are more comfortable with, then try to join in when they start talking to other people so you're not left on your own. If it's too much you could just test the waters until you get more used to it by maybe just making an appearance then excusing yourself early. Is there something else you could do with them that you're more comfortable with right now? Cos it'd be good if you could initiate plans with your friends so they don't think you're losing interest. I've lost touch with old friends from cancelling plans and not initiating things so I think it'd be so good if you could keep trying to go even if it's just with baby steps.
 

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Like most people here, I can relate to this too.

Unfortunately, there have been too many times that I have missed out on life that I really try to make an effort to be social. It's by no means easy and you shouldn't force yourself to do things you don't want to do, but these friends will probably stop asking if you never go and that's how I've lost touch with a lot friends and it sucks.

Do you have ways of coping with your anxiety? I've found that a small amount of ativan (.5 mg to 1 mg depending on the type of activity, and a beta blocker) and no more then 2 drinks is my sweet spot so that I can feel comfortable, without getting too messed up. Of course, it's still up to me to make an effort to socialize. Everyone's different with regards to meds and I have to watch it cuz you can build tolerance quickly.

I remember once I was at a house party and the 2 people I was with ended up going somewhere and I was sitting alone on the couch and didn't really know anyone else very well, I felt so stupid and miserable. Looking back though, there were plenty of non-threatening people around that I could have talked to. Most people at parties just want to hang out and have a good time and they're not judging you as much as you may think, or at all.

I actually prefer house parties to a bar or club. Then again, every situations different. Maybe you could invite these friends out somewhere you'd rather go like a movie and a drink/dinner or to see a band.

Let us know how it goes, good luck to u
 

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For me it was, got invited to party and actually went...then feel so uncomfortable and pretend to have a phone call and slip out without being noticed =x
 
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