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Hey all. I am a 40 yr old and have come to realize that I have social anxiety. Looking back I can see unrecognized patterns all my life and am just starting to see how it is affecting my life now.

I dont want to bore anyone with a wall of text and typicaly when I get started writing something as personal as this I tend to go on for a while so feel free to stop reading at any point.


Im married with 5 children. I have until recently made steady progress in my career as a computer programmer most recently peaking at the point of becoming an IT Director overseeing 10 direct reports and an officer of a multi million dollar privately held company.

As with so many other things in my life, when my job was at its best I started unknowingly doing little things to sabotage myself. I think my social anxiety was at the root of it but I am blaming no one and nothing but myself for my actions or lack thereof.

Similarly I have had several rough patches with my married life and while my wife and I have stayed together I know there have been times when it has not been easy for her. Nothing major like drugs, alcohol, physical abuse or transgressions but little things that she puts up with that I know she didnt sign up for. Just this weekend we went out to a party for her work after not seeing each other all week. I really really wanted to be there with her I hated myself for having to get away but I just could not stay.

The bottom line is that I am practically starting my professional life over and would love to hang on to my marriage and family. I am reaching out for support and ideas to overcome my issues so I can live a more typical normal life (if there is such a thing). I just have a hard time seeing past that when I can no longer even go to church without forcing myself to stay calm. Spirituality sorta goes out of the window when you are sitting there chanting to yourself 'a few more minutes, just make it afew more minutes.

ok sorry if i was too long winded. I hope I can become a decent contributor to these forums and maybe one day I can help someone else.

just me CD
 

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Hey JustMeCD welcome. :)
 

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Welcome, JustMeCD! :)
 

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Glad to have you with us! Hopefully you can find some solace here. :wels
 
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