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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Currently I have 5 friends who just got into nursing school or are just graduating.

I dropped out because of my SA, and the truth is, I know I won't be going back because of it.

Granted, during the past year I have come to realize that given the stress level of that job, even if I finished school, I probably would have hated it.

But I still can't help feeling angry, useless, jealous because I JUST COULDN'T DO IT! Could I be any more pathetic?

Worst of it is, I am currently just sitting at home every day, taking care of my son... telling myself that I WILL go back to school in January (but pastry school this time) only I have yet to apply. Oh and also, my son will only be in kinder HALF days (afternoons) so really, I am not sure how to work out school until the FOLLOWING January anyway.

I have been trying to occupy myself my learning to quilt, hand sewing, or rather planning to hand sew a grandmother's flower garden quilt, but even that, I don't have enough money to purchase the bit of stuff I need.

So here I sit, reading about everyone else DOING SOMETHING with their life. And then I feel so useless and stupid for not making it through school... and then i have to congratulate a friend who is about to start nursing school.

/sigh
 

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Taking care of a kid is a full time job :) The most important job bar none. Kids need their mothers during such an important and critical developmental period. Its unhealthy and unnatural for a kid to be without his mother for such long periods of time, contrary to millions of years of evolution. I'm sure your kid will be much better off in the long run because you are caring for him and being around him and attending to him, he will be much better adjusted and socialized. My sister works day care and tells me of how the kids come in all nice and get abused and bullied and turn into soulless little monsters.

Don't think what you are doing is useless and unimportant. Its the most important job there is! Please don't feel like a loser.
 

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one of my friends was really frustrated because she was struggling with finding something that she really wanted to do. when she talked to me she would say things like... i really wish i knew what to do with my life because it feels frustrating when i see people who are finding their place and i just really need to understand what it is that i wanted to do.

she checked the phone, internet, radio, tv, friends, family, distant relatives, local church and airport with planes trains and automobiles, four times a day, 28 times a week for the next week, month, year, decade and century.

after taking inner inventory and concluding that she enjoys helping others, working with her hands and prefers one-on-one interactions she decided to get a massage and relax.

Currently I have 5 friends who just got into nursing school or are just graduating.

I dropped out because of my SA, and the truth is, I know I won't be going back because of it.

Granted, during the past year I have come to realize that given the stress level of that job, even if I finished school, I probably would have hated it.

But I still can't help feeling angry, useless, jealous because I JUST COULDN'T DO IT! Could I be any more pathetic?

Worst of it is, I am currently just sitting at home every day, taking care of my son... telling myself that I WILL go back to school in January (but pastry school this time) only I have yet to apply. Oh and also, my son will only be in kinder HALF days (afternoons) so really, I am not sure how to work out school until the FOLLOWING January anyway.

I have been trying to occupy myself my learning to quilt, hand sewing, or rather planning to hand sew a grandmother's flower garden quilt, but even that, I don't have enough money to purchase the bit of stuff I need.

So here I sit, reading about everyone else DOING SOMETHING with their life. And then I feel so useless and stupid for not making it through school... and then i have to congratulate a friend who is about to start nursing school.

/sigh
 

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I'm jealous that you have 5 friends. :)

I agree about taking care of a kid being a full time job. You are the exact opposite of useless.

I know how you feel though about watching your peers succeed. I feel inferior to everyone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I am sure it is a full time job when you do it properly, but I have SA-- therefore most days we don't leave the house. And even just taking him to the park once or twice a week is really hard for me.

He is a pretty good kid, but he is bored home with me. He is used to being in school and playing with other kids all day. He enjoys that far more than he does sitting home with me. I try to do things with him, baking cakes or making play dough, but there is only so much you can do at home, you know?

My SA affects him just as much as it does me. And so not only am I doing nothing useful with myself, the one thing I should be doing well, taking care of my son, SA is making that difficult too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm jealous that you have 5 friends. :)
That doesn't mean in real life friends.. only one of those I know personally, the others I have know for several years, but online... however, you belong to any online group long enough, especially when it involves pregnancy/babies, well, you get to know each other almost as you would if you'd met.

lol hope that makes you a little less jealous of my five 'friends'.
 

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Do you guys have a backyard or anything that he can just go outside and play by the house? Also, maybe you could try going to school part time?
 

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I would try online classes while he is in kindergarten. By first grade, it's all day and then you would have more time.
 

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I seem to be jealous all the time and it usually will lead to anger towards the people that are making me jealous. It really sucks !
 

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I know exactly how you feel! I often envy others for having achieved so much. I now finally understand that my underachieving is associated with my SA. I've always been afraid of trying because I was afraid of failing and I was afraid of the humiliation that goes hand in hand with failure. I'm married and have a three year old. I haven't done anything but work crappy jobs after having graduated high school. I barely graduated and I've never recieved a higher education. I have not faith in myself and it's made worse because I have no talents. I know people will say that I've achieved so much just because I popped out a kid but anyone can get pregnant and raise a kid. My parents were incompetent but they still raised me. I am actually in a worse situation than you are but I'm too embarrassed to talk about that.
 

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I am sure it is a full time job when you do it properly, but I have SA-- therefore most days we don't leave the house. And even just taking him to the park once or twice a week is really hard for me.

He is a pretty good kid, but he is bored home with me. He is used to being in school and playing with other kids all day. He enjoys that far more than he does sitting home with me. I try to do things with him, baking cakes or making play dough, but there is only so much you can do at home, you know?

My SA affects him just as much as it does me. And so not only am I doing nothing useful with myself, the one thing I should be doing well, taking care of my son, SA is making that difficult too.
This is my exact situation. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking when I thought that I could be good at being a mom. I'm better than my parents but I'm not a great mom.
 

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Keirelle, I have a friend who is juggling 2 kids and taking a few classes for nursing. It would be ridiculous to assume that it should be easy for you to do that just because she can do it because of your circumstances and SA. I am just saying it is possible even though it is hard. Please don't feel what you are doing and what you have been doing is useless. Keep doing what you are doing and if and when you think you are ready, go back to school and pursue your career. I got dropped out of school too and I have been depresed by it, but now im back in school and and I am happy even though sometimes I am haunted by my past failures. My focus is just to move on and make a better future. Don't give up Keirelle! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I haven't done anything but work crappy jobs after having graduated high school. I barely graduated and I've never recieved a higher education. I have not faith in myself and it's made worse because I have no talents. I know people will say that I've achieved so much just because I popped out a kid but anyone can get pregnant and raise a kid.
That's it exactly!! I am in the same situation. I have a lot that I think about as a career, but since messing up nursing school, I am terrified to try anything at all.

I was looking into pastry chef recently, and for a while I was certain that was 'it' but then I realized, it is only 'it' if I can have my own shop.. I wouldn't want that job working in a large restaurant or anything.

So lately I have been looking into medical herbalism- natural treatments really interest me. However, it that something that I can truly make a living at?

Seriously, I wish I could go back in time and live in the 1800's. I would have fit in a lot better then.
 

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What do you need for your quilt? I think that sounds like a great and meaningful project while you take the time to figure out what direction you will take next. You don't need fancy expensive fabrics. You could cut up old clothes and fabric from thrift stores. I think quilting could be really therapeutic project.

I know what its like to feel like everyone is overtaking you with their goals while your own life stagnates. Try not to compare yourself to others. This is YOUR unique path, and you just don't know what's around the corner, for you or for the friends who look like they have it all right now. Like it says in the Sunscreen Song: "sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself."

And for what its worth, I think that it sounds like you are doing a good job creating a nice home life with your son. Not many kids are lucky enough to have all mum's attention at home every day. Some of my best memories are of being at home with my mum doing things like cooking and craft projects. What about getting him involved in the quilt? You could photocopy the design and let him colour it in, or get him to make a paper collage "quilt" on a big sheet of butchers paper.
 
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