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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
like this.

It seems people here all have some form of social anxiety. The first thing we seek: friendship. I guess we must miss some of that in our current lives that drives us to attack ourselves.

I've had many close friends already in life, but most of them moved away from me. And I still can't stand it. I always, always, always befriend the more outgoing one...or well that type of person befriends me. I'm 17 now, and I have no close friends. I remember I fell off my own world somehow when my first, best friend moved away nearly 6 years ago. The recent years have been a hurricane. I have the type of parents who did not go to college, came from a foreign country, and do not accept the fact that mental illnesses exist. The closest people in my life are my sister and niece. My sister is in her mid 30's, so she is like mother to me. My niece is more like a closer sister to me. I have these two important people in my life, but they live far away so I'm still off on my own.

If it weren't for a friend from last year, I don't know how'd I make it this school year. Unfortunately, she's only in 2 of my classes...the rest of my classes have people who I "don't know". Well they've been in my class, almost every single year...but they don't talk to me. I've tried to talk to them, but the conversation comes to an awkward end as they turn to talk to their "preferred friend". In class I sit, and I have no where to look except down. I'm afraid of making eye contact with other people. Especially some...once I accidentally made eye contact with a girl. I turned away, but she said under her breath to her close friend she said "Ugh, I hate it when I make eye contact with that awkward girl." I felt it was purposely made loud enough so that I could overhear. Another time I overheard a girl behind me say she hated quiet and awkward people. I was the only one in that class who didn't talk that much... My sister tries to persuade me that these things aren't meant to be stabs at me, but I can't help but think I'm the one being misled.

I hate not having a partner because everyone else has found theirs. I hate being the last one picked in gym class for a team. I hate to be the one that's last one the list and forgotten. And what I hate most, is not being able to bend...and breaking every time. I start crying after every little thing.

Paradox: when I'm prepared with a speech or a presentation, I'm nervous, but I'm okay.
 

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Welcome, Yorijiko! :)
 

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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·

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welcome to the forum :)
 

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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·

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Welcome to the forum :wel
Hope it's a help to this crazy world.
 

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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
welcome to the forum :)
thanks, posting here has alleviated some of my worries. hopefully i won't become addicted to the forum at this point.
 

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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·

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Hey yorijiko welcome. :hyper
 

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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
That's impossible, since you can only post 50 times a day:roll
really? I think I lurk more than I post, I don't think I'll be able to break that limit even, but hmmm...I can still troll the people who message for weird stuff though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
You can only exchange 3 messages every 30 minutes too...seriously.
Sorry, sorry, I should find those guidelines and study them. :blank
I feel incredibly stupid, sorry.
 

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Sorry, sorry, I should find those guidelines and study them. :blank
I feel incredibly stupid, sorry.
Wha? Don't feel stupid!
I'm using it in that tone cause I think it's retarded, and am voicing my own displeasure at it. That's why I said seriously...cause I thought it was so stupid you may not have believed it :p
 

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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Wha? Don't feel stupid!
I'm using it in that tone cause I think it's retarded, and am voicing my own displeasure at it. That's why I said seriously...cause I thought it was so stupid you may not have believed it :p
oh I see, sorry about that. I re-read it with that tone...I first interpreted it as an agitated-you're-a-newbie-tone *sweat* haha...the reason why I'm here is to try and break free from this mindset too bah...I should read more carefully.
 

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to be a better self.
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
It's okay, I know how it is :p
Remember, we're all crazy here!
thanks, I'm hoping to improve on the status quo, and break the the barrier to normalcy. b:
 

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Welcome yorijiko! :) You seem like such a nice person, but I nearly cried when I read your original post. It makes me crazy when people talk about quiet people in such a mean way--do they even think about how it makes us feel? XC
Btw I'm definitely addicted to this site lol. :roll
 
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