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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I use to say this could never happen to me and it did. I've been married with this guy for 10 years and we loved each other a lot. We have two beautiful and healthy children, 7 and 4 years old. I found out 6 weeks ago that he was having an affair. My whole world crushed down to bits. He told me it was just happening for few weeks and now that I know it will stop. Stupid me I believed him but after days he started to get cold towards me. I haven't been able to do much since then, not even going to work, I was devastated. Three weeks after it was our 10th anniversary and on that day he told me he misses her and he admitted he was thinking of her while we were having sex. He said he wants to have us both and that he would like her to come to ours and all of us to fool around. He called her and then the next day she came to ours. I have no words to describe how bad I felt. When he explained to her what he wanted she said no but then he talked her trough and she said that she would like to do that. She admitted she is in-love with him and he also said he loves her with me being in the same room, but he also said that nothing will happen behind my back. She was fine with that until the next day when she said that she doesn't mind to come to ours but she would also like to have him just for herself. I couldn't believe I was living that mess. He said he won't do that so at that point their relation ended. He kept on lying to me after that and then I found that they were together since April and that he contacted her after I found out about them which he told me he didn't. Now he is saying he is loving me and that she meant nothing to him and that he is sorry he's been hurting me so much but he doesn't feel sorry he has been with her. He is still hoping me to be friend with her and meet up sometimes. Should I run away from him? I love him so much still and he is a great father to the children. I think I am going to lose my minds. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have no family close by and I mean thousands of miles, no money saved and my children love him so much. Should I give him a chance? I am still crying like crazy and I am so hurt but also feeling like I should try.
 

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If you want to stay with him, then stay. But you'll have to do that with the knowledge that he's a liar, he doesn't love you, and he'll keep on cheating with this woman and others as many times as you let him get away with it. I'm sorry that you're in this predicament. I really am. But please don't let this man convince you that he truly cares.
 

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Wow, your married to him?! That's a difficult situation then...

I'm afraid your the only one who can decide whats best for you and your family, you know the situation a lot better.

I've got no idea. :|

Sorry to hear about that though.... :blank
 

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This relationship will never be happy again. He is not going to stop cheating and he is going to keep wanting you to do things you aren't comfortable with. There is no sign this behavior will change and on top of it you seem to have let him get away with it once so of course he's going to keep going and probably getting more extreme until you find yourself in a completely open relationship. There is no question about whether he's going to cheat again or not nor whether you can trust him again or not. Obviously he's going to and obviously you can't.

The real decision is whether you want to live that kind of life where the person you are married to seems to truly not care about your feelings and lies to you or try to make it on your own. I can tell you from experience children are better off in a healthy family that involves one parent than with both parents who have an unhealthy relationship and one is providing a very bad role model.
 

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roarrrr
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If you want to stay & try to work things out with him, then that's totally up to you & your gut feelings. But he lied to you, he loves another woman, he cheated on you. Personally, I wouldn't give him another chance no matter how good of a father he is. He's a sad human being.
 

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I think staying will tear you apart. If you leave, you can start over with your children and eventually be happy again, but no matter how much you love him, do you think you will really be happy together again?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
That's so scary and that is the way I see it too, that I should run away from him. But I am so afraid, where and how should I go? Should I tell my kids? How should I tell them? For the last six weeks they knew I've been having a bad headache and that is why I've been so sad.
He is telling me that he will change and he wants us to start a business to be together all the time and he will quit his job, she is a colleague of him I forgot to say. And he also admitted that he likes women in general and that is not because he doesn't love me is just because he has always been like this and he will try to change. Is this possible?
 

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insert witty comment here
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I use to say this could never happen to me and it did. I've been married with this guy for 10 years and we loved each other a lot. We have two beautiful and healthy children, 7 and 4 years old. I found out 6 weeks ago that he was having an affair. My whole world crushed down to bits. He told me it was just happening for few weeks and now that I know it will stop. Stupid me I believed him but after days he started to get cold towards me. I haven't been able to do much since then, not even going to work, I was devastated. Three weeks after it was our 10th anniversary and on that day he told me he misses her and he admitted he was thinking of her while we were having sex. He said he wants to have us both and that he would like her to come to ours and all of us to fool around. He called her and then the next day she came to ours. I have no words to describe how bad I felt. When he explained to her what he wanted she said no but then he talked her trough and she said that she would like to do that. She admitted she is in-love with him and he also said he loves her with me being in the same room, but he also said that nothing will happen behind my back. She was fine with that until the next day when she said that she doesn't mind to come to ours but she would also like to have him just for herself. I couldn't believe I was living that mess. He said he won't do that so at that point their relation ended. He kept on lying to me after that and then I found that they were together since April and that he contacted her after I found out about them which he told me he didn't. Now he is saying he is loving me and that she meant nothing to him and that he is sorry he's been hurting me so much but he doesn't feel sorry he has been with her. He is still hoping me to be friend with her and meet up sometimes. Should I run away from him? I love him so much still and he is a great father to the children. I think I am going to lose my minds. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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I have no heart!!
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listen !you have to go. If you stay you will just be reminded how bad he hurt you everyday and thats not healthy.How can you fix something like that? i dnt think you can! You have to go!!!!!:blank
 

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slave
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Gurl, grab the kiddies and RUN.

My goodness, if I were you and he pulled that crap on me, your damn right I'd be whoopin' his ***. Honestly, I can't believe he even had the audacity to bring her to the house like that just shows you what kind of guy he is. And he lied. All of this text I'm reading from you is just a red-flag warning that you should bounce.

Honestly, if you're willing to essentially be his "spare" and (continued to be betrayed & hurt + being able to live with the fact that he's a liar, cheater, coward and doesn't love you and will continue to stray) want to make it work for the sake of the children, then ignore what we're advising.

But if you want to move on and actually be happy, run.

He sounds like cancer to you, really, and you don't deserve a guy like that. No one does. Don't let him try to convince you that he truly cares about your feelings because he doesn't. He's just sorry he got caught.

I hope things work out for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
@bluepanda Thank you for seeing the other side as well. I don't want to split up I want to stay and make things work, but I am so afraid this is not the right decision. He is such a nice man and I still love him and he said he lied to me after that just to protect me of finding out how bad things he has done. He promised he won't lie to me no more but that's so hard to believe. I lost my best friend, I lost the husband I use to love so much and I neglected my children so much. I am a total wreck, can't even sort the laundry and things in the house.
This is so more complicated than you think. We have bought this house an year ago and we are renovating it. There is no way I could stay and finish that, I wouldn't have the strength and the money to do it. So is either I stay or I go.
My daughter loves him so much and I would hate myself to see her hurt so I'll have to stay and try.
Is just that I don't understand how he could do that to us. Our relation was so strong and we always had good sexual life and I cared a lot for him and everything he needed. He never came home to find me sleeping or not be up when he went to work in the morning, I've always been there for him and gave him his own time. And I was doing everything so easy because there was so much love and respect between us, but now I can't even tidy up the kitchen. When he is around I'm fine but when he is working or sleeping after night shift I go crazy and can't stop crying and I get so mad at him but then when I see his face I just give up and I just want to be in his arms. These are so mixed up feelings. I want my life back.
 

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You will never get your old life back knowing that your husband is a cheater. Please see a marriage counselor. If he refuses then you must plan to leave him for your own sanity. It is hard since the children love him but would you want them to be around someone who lies and cheats and be exposed to his behavior?

If you both want to repair your marriage 100% then you both must be in it 100%.
 

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Fall 7 times, stand up 8.
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He's proven multiple times that he can't be trusted. He keeps putting someone else over you. You deserve better. He can still be a good father to your kids, but separate from you. Time to move on.
 

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I'll let Jerry Springer answer this question:

Jerry Springer said:
The easiest advice to give is to move on, get over it, forget him, move on with your life when you yourself are not personally involved. But if you have a history together that is a lot easier said than done. It is tough to let go when you love him or loved him in the past.

But if he cheated on you or treated you miserably than not letting him go only prolongs your own agony. Understand you're not in love with him, you're in love with what he once was, or how you want him to be. But that's not how he really is. And the sooner you see that this hope or obsession is for someone who no longer exists, is the sooner you will be able to let go and find happiness and find someone who will love you in return.

A person who treats you badly is not a love, he is just a habit, a bad habit.

Take care of yourself, and each other.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
 
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