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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I think this may also be combined with a fear of failure.. But here it is:

1. Meeting new people is extremely stressful for me. I am tense and I feel like am on my gaurd. My heart beats fast, my muscles are very tense. It is just so stressful, I try to avoid it all together- even though I really do like people.

2. After I am in a situation that is meeting new people and try to socialize my mind goes blank- just everything freezes up. I think about how I must look being this awkward, quiet little mouse not saying anything. I feel like I look awkward and ridiculious. And I am constantly wondering if they don't like me. And most of all, I do not feel like I am being myself. I do not think anybody is getting a chance to know the real me.

3. I have all these activites I dream of doing like dancing. But I am afraid of taking dance classes. I am afraid if I do not perform perfectly or learn as quickly as everyone else, I will look stupid and everyone will think so and be annoyed. (I have dyslexia. Dyslexia isn't just a learning disorder, it messes up the hand eye coordiation. So I was bad at sports in gym class growing up and kids acted angry/annoyed at me for not performing so atheletically like them) I was looking at clubs at the local college and found one for people who like to dance I immediantly thought to myself "Those are for people who have been dancing since they were little, they would be annoyed to have an ameture like me in their group."

4. I am afraid of doing anything socially unacceptable things in public- like dancing in a mall or singing to myself.

5. Recently my mother wanted me to place an order on the phone for her, were I know immagrants with heavy accents work. I froze up and paniced that I couldn't do it because I might not be able to understand their accents and... I am not quite sure the full fear there. In general I do not like using the phone, I think because it breaks up easy and I have some type of emotional problem with that.

6. If there is someone I see as above me in anyway, I do not stand up for myself and assert my needs. I get anxiety and am unable to think, and I just back down. If I do finally will myself into standing up for myself my voice sounds weak, uncertain, and shaky.

7. (and here is what I think might be a fear of failure instead) I get emotional if I do not understand a school subject right away, I also get extremely stressed during test taking. I had wanted to take a college course, but the fear I am not good enough has prevented me. I think to myself what is the worst that can happen? You drop out? You flunk the class? But I still can't control the emotions

8. I can also sometimes attack my performance when I am alone. I was practicing boxing moves (another dream to learn in a class) and caught myself getting more and more frustrated at myself when I didn't throw the punches perfectly saying to myself "You looked so stupid with that last move" I also did this with the violin. Even though, I play much better than any normal beginner (and I realize that) making any 1 mistake is like a punch to the gut emotionally.

9. My avoidance can be so great, I don't like going to the store or being in my own yard (which is attached to a sidewalk)

10. I have coped with all this my building a fantasy world in my head were I socialize daily without fear of what others think, act outging, and take risks I never try in the real world.

11. In social sites, when people ask about my life I make things up. Things I would want to do but don't, because I am afraid they will see what a pithetic, boring, loser I am. (And I HATE lying)

I don't ever take risks, I hate change, I don't try new things- things I really ant to do, I don't have initmacy with other people because I have't let them in, I haven't developed any hobby or skill that requires other people to be around, and I feel extremely empty, lonely, and unfullfilled because of it. I don't like to look at my life....

...So hi everybody my name Christine. I am 18 and being homeschool finishing up highschool. I am also a Christian and anyone who is Christian feel free to also say spirtual things to me.:yes ...I have an internet boyfriend (because that was really the only was a boy was going to get a chance to intimately know me.)
 

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Hi DelicateMelodies,

I can relate to a lot of what you said so I think you probably have social anxiety disorder. I know it's difficult, but if you think your parents will be understanding you should tell them about the disorder. Also when you are ready, see if they will take you to talk to a doctor for a proper, professional diagnosis and treatment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hi DelicateMelodies,

I can relate to a lot of what you said so I think you probably have social anxiety disorder. I know it's difficult, but if you think your parents will be understanding you should tell them about the disorder. Also when you are ready, see if they will take you to talk to a doctor for a proper, professional diagnosis and treatment.
I did use to have a theropist I went to regulary during my younger teen years (14-16). He was helping me with a different anxiety (and depression) I was coping with at the time. I was suffering from PTSD from an abusive older sibling that has Borderline Personailty Disorder. That anxiety was the very worst anxiety I ever had and it was so chronic. That anxiety was I'm-going-to-do-something-to-put-myself-in-the-hospital-just-to-escape anxiety. After I finally started to recover from that, I started to have a chance to focus on other areas of life. And that is when I realized I was getting overly nervious and stressed out when meeting new people.I tried to tell my theropist, but he just shrugged it off and said everybody wants to be liked. And unless I started feeling the need to "pass out" in social situations then I am normal. However, I am still on the anxiety medication for my PTSD. :)

There is another problem with going back to theropy, our financial situation is very bad. Mom tried to file backrupcy, but the law firm lost our papers and refused to help us.
 

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Hey Christine, welcome to SAS Forums :)
I'm 18 also and have had social anxiety since I was a teen (though been shy all my life) so I know how hard it can be to deal with..

I'm a Christian too so thought I would offer some support and say that God is with you!! He will never let you go through anything that you can not handle, and maybe now more than ever is the time to form a closer relationship with Him on a personal level and let Him help you through this..

I was like you, really wanting to go take dance classes but worried that I would be no good and look stupid. But my desire to dance was greater than my fear and so as scared as I was, I enrolled at a local dance studio. I prayed to God "please oh pleaseee let there be someone else there that I know, from my old school or something, please." Low and behold I turned up the next day and there in class was a girl from my old highschool! (What were the chances of that?? The dance stuio was in no way affiliated with the school so it was a great shock to see a familiar face there!! I honestly didn't think my prayer would be answered.)

So anyway, the girl, who I vaguely knew because she was a friend of a friend, told me that she'd just recently joined the dance class and that she was a beginner too. I can't tell you how happy I was to see her there!!

A year on and we are still dancing together and have improved so much.. I discovered a passion for dance that I never even knew I had!

So basically what I'm saying it just to pray and keep God close to your heart and know that you can do anything through Christ. You just have to try not to let your fears get to you too much and just go for it!

Anyway hope I was of some help to you.. by the way, I totally get what you mean about people not getting the chance to know the real you. I'm extremely reserved in person but online I talk heaps so can understand the internet boyfriend thing as well, although I don't have one myself.

If you wanna talk more feel free to message me! Take care =)
 

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Hey Christine, welcome to :sas
 

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Welcome to SAS! It sounds like you've probably got SA from what you mentioned. I'd go to your doctor and describe your symptoms, then maybe your doctor can provide some possible treatment options. Meds might help to begin with, but you'll probably want some other type of therapy as well. Good luck to ya and have fun on the boards!
 

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Welcome!
It sure sounds like it, but I dont think many people would dance in a mall!

x x x
 

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Hi DelicateMelodies :wel

90+% of what you described describes my feelings as well.
I'm a christian & I really liked what NZChick had to say.
Best wishes.
 

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Welcome DelicateMelodies! :)
 
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