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Hello,

I'm so glad to find this forum. I've been driving myself crazy, and I don't know if it's social anxiety or not.

I don't really have trouble talking to people, per se, but it's afterward that's the problem. I can be outgoing and pleasant and talkative, but AFTERWARD I go over conversations that I've had (especially work conversations) and internally cringe and beat myself up over something I've said that could be perceived as stupid. I'm constantly judging myself through other's eyes, if that makes sense, especially with people whom I feel are authority figures (but not always). For instance, this afternoon we had a meeting at work, and as usual, I said something that I'm beating myself up over. I drove home thinking, "God, WHY did you say that, you're so stupid. You STUPID S***." It's to the point where it will ruin my whole weekend because I'm thinking about it.

I hate having people over to my house, because I'm afraid they will judge me. The only way I can have people over is if I have plenty of notice, and I'm able to clean so everything looks PERFECT. (Normally I'm not a neatnik, and when people stop by unexpectedly and they see the REAL me, the messy me, I feel totally embarrassed and humiliated.)

I don't love going to parties, but once I get there, I'm fine and I have a good time. Especially if I've had a drink or two. BUT, if I've met new people at the party, or if it's a party for my husband's work, etc...I will go over every conversation I had, or things I did, and beat myself up over it. After my husband's last company party, I obsessed over the fact that I poured too much wine in my wine glass. (The glasses were huge and I was talking and before I knew it, half the bottle was in the glass...lol). And I mean I obsessed over it...thought about for weeks afterward, inwardly cringing and feeling stupid.

It's just horrible. It's ruining my life. I can't tell you how awful it is to obsess over these things and not just feel OK with being me. I guess I'm just convinced that everyone thinks I'm a dumbass. And people just don't feel welcome at my house, I know they don't, because I am so uncomfortable when they drop by, and I rarely invite people over because it's so stressful for me. So...is this a form of social anxiety?

Any help or advice is appreciated.

Moxie
 

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I wouldn't say you have Social Anxiety Disorder, but you should start building self security before those self critical thoughts turn into something really nasty.

And believe me, they could. It just takes one moment for a disorder to be triggered off. I'm sure everyone on this forum remembers the moment their SAD started.
 

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Welcome, Moxie! :)
 

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Hey. :) Firstly, welcome to the forum.
I've only just joined recently aswell and I'm not even fully sure of my own problems, nevermind how to deal with them, so I'm sorry I can't offer constructive advice;
just empathy and an opinion.
I've aired several of my quirks (to put it nicely) on here and am having to accept that I am infact socially anxious.
One such "quirk" can be my intense analysis (like you described) of past conversations or actions.
I find that a small comment I made, that everyone else will have forgotten, can haunt me. The odd joke that fell flat years ago etc is still very vivid in my memory.
I appear to convince myself that this one passing comment will weigh greatly on their opinion of me.. it's really not the case.
I can find myself fretting if I were to, for example, not hold the door open for someone, incase they decide I'm perhaps "rude", or that the way I acted or spoke will have made me appear brash or ignorant.
I even go as far as to plan out future conversations in my head, eventually talking aloud both sides of dialect.

I'm no doctor, but you do not necessarily appear to have Social Anxiety Disorder to me. You do, however, appear to be overly self-depricating and suffering from an extreme lack of confidence, perhaps this could be a s.a.. I'm really not sure.
Do you have any other qualities you feel may be social anxiety?
I'm sorry I can't give you an answer, but I think I can relate to what you're going through, and even if it isn't "social anxiety" it's still a struggle.

much love. :)
 

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I joined this week too but have been working on my stuff for a no. of years. I used to beat myself up loads over riduculus things said or done in front of others too. I have found it very difficult to show the real me and have struggled with low self esteem and self worth. I have potential to be a bit obsessional too. As for is this SA, hard to say. But, I strongly believe that we need to look after our mental health, as we are encouraged to do with our physical health throughout life.
 

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Hey Moxie welcome. :hyper
 

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Hi I'm new too but welcome!

I have exactly that same thing with people coming to my house - I feel so exposed and literally wait in the centre of the room like an artist next to an unveiled sculpture waiting for ... I dunno, criticism, compliments? It's an awful feeling, as a result I am never relaxed and constantly jittery while the visitor is there. Now I just don't have people round. Funnily enough it's not so bad if I need my plants watering, I just give someone a key and don't think about it while I'm away. So the problem lies with me! I wish I could just relax.
 
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