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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys and girls, it's my first time posting here. I've been reading this forum for a while now and I've finally decided to sign up. I've been reading about your problems and I really feel so much for you. I hope you can all overcome your fears.

I'm trying to get help with my problem which I can't figure out what it is. I'm 20 years old.

I'll explain my situation, but first I have to say that I do not know whether this is social anxiety or something else.

During my school years I was a little shy only from talking to 'hot' girls. After school finished (2007) I planned to go college to study Art, but I didn't because I was shy of meeting new people because I was fat. So since 2007 I've been indoors my entire life up until now and I only go out occasionally with my group of 6 friends who I've known since childhood. I'm no longer fat and have become really good looking which has boosted my confidence being around people. I actually even want to start modeling but my problem is holding me back.

So my problem is talking to people. I find it so hard/embarrassing/scared to talk to people who I don't know or haven't met in a long time. It's because I don't know what to say or how to speak, I just don't know! I think it's because I've been indoors so long that my vocabulary has become bad as well or maybe it hasn't but I think that because I don't talk to people thus can't exercise my vobaculary. As soon as I meet someone new and start talking to them my heart starts to beat faster and harder and I get out of breath. I don't mind being around people though. I have the confidence to be in public. People with social anxiety feel as if everyone is looking at them but I don't feel that unless I'm on my own and only to a low degree. So what is my problem? How do I gain confidence to speak to people?

I want to get a job in retail for now but I'm scared of meeting the people who already work there and become friends. I just feel so scared. I can't imagine myself working in a store with colleagues next to me, how would I engage in conversations? If I even think about applying for a job now my heart rate increases slightly and I already imagine myself being in the store with my colleagues. I don't feel 'good enough' to be talking to them. I'm actually quite handsome as well. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm boasting or something but I'm just trying to express how I feel. I don't know why good looking people can suffer this but I've seen others here on this forum who are beautiful but also feel it!

I feel so bad asking you all as my problem seems minor compared to most people here, or maybe it isn't? But this problem is stopping me from moving further in life. I just stay at home all day! I want to go out and start socialising with people but I fear it so much! My brother and sister are very social people but not me!

Any help would be appreciated, and thanks so much for reading. If you have any questions about me please let me know!
 

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It sounds like it might be social anxiety but i dunno for sure. I'm new to this site too and wondering the same thing about myself. It's really hard to diagnose yourself, isn't it? But if your fear is keeping you from socializing and getting a job then it does sound like SA to me. But I'm no expert on this...sorry for not being more helpful.
Welcome to SAS!
 

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You sound very similar to me. Know that social anxiety takes on many different forms. You might not experience it in a way that matches the "classical" symptoms but if you're experiencing fears and worries that restrict your life...its generally a fair bet that you have anxiety issues.

Consider that you've spent a good number of years being out in public while you havent felt great about yourself (when you were overweight). It is hard to shake those internal connections that have been hardwired in your mind. So even though you feel attractive now...it might take a few years of interacting with people in public and having positive feedback to reinforce your new confidence levels - and get your inside to match your outside.
 

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I don't think your feelings are any less important than those of anyone else here. They belong only to you and can't be compared.

That having been said, I find the thought of talking to people far scarier than the actual conversation. try not to build the event up in your mind so much. If you want to say something, say hi.
 

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I'm not sure if you have social anxiety or not, but welcome.

Have you read a book by Dale Carnegie called, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" ? Maybe that would give you some ideas.
 

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sounds like it could be anxiety to me. i can relate to alot of what you said (except the handsome, wanting to model part hahah )

you're still pretty young, and its good you have friends. force yourself to go out with them, be around people. make yourself go get that job and try to fight through all of it. its gets easier...you just need to keep pushing.

and if that seems to hard...have you ever told anyone about it / sought treatment?
 

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You mentioned something about your vocabulary? You express yourself very well in the written form so I don't think you need to be concerned with that. It sounds like you have anxiety because your heart races and you get out of breath when talking to people. Almost sounds like a mini panic attack. I hope that you can make small steps to become more social in order to get the things you want and deserve.

Welcome to SAS!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thank you all for the replies and kind comments.

Consider that you've spent a good number of years being out in public while you havent felt great about yourself (when you were overweight). It is hard to shake those internal connections that have been hardwired in your mind. So even though you feel attractive now...it might take a few years of interacting with people in public and having positive feedback to reinforce your new confidence levels - and get your inside to match your outside.
I have never thought about it this way! Maybe that is exactly what's happened.

I don't think your feelings are any less important than those of anyone else here. They belong only to you and can't be compared.
Thank you!

Have you read a book by Dale Carnegie called, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" ? Maybe that would give you some ideas.
Nope but I will definitely check it out. Thanks.

have you ever told anyone about it / sought treatment?
No I haven't told anyone. But I have just told everyone here and it's already made me feel so much better! I really don't want treatment, I hate medication. I have a positive belief that I will be able to remove these fears of mine in due time and with the advice given here it will definitely help.

You mentioned something about your vocabulary? You express yourself very well in the written form so I don't think you need to be concerned with that. It sounds like you have anxiety because your heart races and you get out of breath when talking to people. Almost sounds like a mini panic attack. I hope that you can make small steps to become more social in order to get the things you want and deserve.

Welcome to SAS!
Thanks. About my vocabulary, it's a strange fear I have. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I can give you an example. Just a few minutes ago I read another thread here and someone said, "Anyone in this predicament?". I have heard of the word 'predicament' many times but I've never known the meaning, I only just found out what it means. This is what I fear, it's such a common word and I'm sure all of you here know what this word means.

Most threads I've read on here are about people who are scared of other people. I am not scared of other people but I am scared of the conversations that will take place between I and someone else (which is what makes me nervous and shy). What if a word comes up which I don't understand? How would I react? Is my lack of understanding of some general words because of not having been communicating with people? (Which is why I've never learned them)?

Again thank you all for the help. I already feel so much better.
 

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I'm not really scared of people either but I do get nervous speaking to them. I flub my words, snort when I laugh, bump into stuff, you name it.

If a word comes up that you don't understand you can just simply ask what it means. If they laugh at you or think you're stupid, **** 'em.
 
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