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I'm not nervous at all about most social situations. I can do presentations and read aloud to a class with minimum embarrassment, I can approach men or women and confidently ask for directions to the nearest toilet, or advice about something I'm trying to buy, and I have very few problems speaking to authority figures like cops or teachers.

The problem though, is that I have almost zero interest in making any small talk or participating in all these fake "games" people play in a conversation. But this only happens if I'm talking to another person. People see me as either confident or sometimes arrogant, but also cold or unfriendly. But the thing is, I'm 24 years old and have never had a close friend, either male or female. I have a deep desire to make friends, yet when I'm actually out there talking to the person, that desire disappears. My biggest problem is NO MOTIVATION or DESIRE.

Does anyone else ever have to deal with this situation I'm describing? I desperately want to make friends and turn my lonely life around, but when I'm actually out there talking and trying to make friends, I don't feel ANYTHING AT ALL. I don't have any fun talking to other people; in fact I'd actually probably be more interested in suddenly poking them in the belly just to see how they would react to the situation. Like i'm some kind of mad scientist and I'm conducting a field experiment on fat male #7734.

So for example if I'm feeling good and I exchange smiles with a good looking girl, I'll still feel good for like 2 seconds and maybe approach her for some small talk or whatever, then I'll have this apathetic feeling wash over me, and I'll feel like anything she says is uninteresting, boring, and doesn't concern me, and I'll retreat into my head. I'll feel all this even if I find her incredibly attractive. I know it's paradoxical. It just ruins any feeling of "realness", because I have to feign interest in the conversation. And I know the feeling is BS because I don't even know what her personality is like. The same thing happens with other guys, even when talking with my parents (although they don't actually care either, they just want to hear themselves talk and pretend like they have an awesome!!! son who is interested in what they are saying).

And what drives me crazy is, if I replay conversations in a room by myself, the other person, be it my parents, some guy, an attractive girl, or whatever, will seem interesting and I'll think of spontaneous and relevant things to say, because I'd actually be interested. EXCEPT IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD. WHOOP DE DOO.

I mean, god, if you're you're still reading this you've probably had a stroke and can't move your eyes or press the back button on your browser (but you somehow have the willpower to turn your scroll wheel and maintain your current seated posture), or you enjoy reading about people more dis-functional than you are. I mean I'm 24 and never really had a life or even enjoyed it very much. Unless it was in my head. I'm only interested in life if it's occurring inside my head...I mean really is there anyone out there who understands or also experiences how I feel? :| Just what's wrong with me?

I want to go cry by myself now. *thunderclouds roll in* :rain
 

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The b**** is back
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Totally get it. Even when I'm spending time with friends or dates, I often feel drained or like I'm just passing time. And I despise small talk, to the point where I actively have to make an effort not to be rude or dismissive, as I often find myself thinking, "god, this conversation is boring."
 

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I can relate to this. There are times I'll observe a conversation and wonder how anyone would be contently happy to continue on with it, being so lacking to me anyway. I really crave proper friendly debates about something or discussing something of great worth. For the most part I feel frustrated with most small talk really.

Cheers
 
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