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Discussion Starter #1
I really don't know what's wrong with me. So I thought maybe some of you guys would know what's wrong with me.
I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is a mental illness, or multiple mental illnesses, or just normal laziness and anxiety. But there have always been these problems that have really bothered me throughout my life. I'm going to list them for you, so if you guys can identify these as symptoms of a mental illness I'd be grateful. So I can research more about it and see if I really have that problem and take steps in treating it.

List of the things that are wrong with me and I think might be result of mental problems:

1- I can't allocate my time to different tasks. Like if I'm playing a game, I find it extremely hard to do something else beside it. Like play games for 2 hours and study for 2 hours. I either have to play games for all day or study for all day. I completely lose focus and also interest in what I'm doing if I know there is also something else I am supposed to do.

2- I lose interest in the things that I love the moment that I take them as a serious structured task. For example I like programming. I sometimes write a little code for something I want to do. But when I decide to do something big enough that can be called a project, a surge of anxiety kicks in and I feel extremely overwhelmed by it to the degree that I start to hate programming altogether. It has happened with a lot of the hobbies that I have loved. I start something as a hobby that I love very much, then inevitably at some point it starts demanding dedication. It is exactly at that point that I feel a surge of fear and anxiety. A burden of responsibility overwhelms me and I get paralyzed. Eventually I quit what used to be a hobby I love because it is now a burden that is fueling my anxiety.

3- When I start something I want to finish it real quick. My father is also like that. For example when he starts repairing something he does everything in his power to do it as quickly as possible. He half-asses everything, he injures himself a lot, and eventually it comes out as a crappy job, all because he is so extremely impatient to finish it. I have always blamed him for this and felt very bad to have such a father with this childish attitude. That he doesn't understand that in order to do something it is best to gather some knowledge about it and have some plan and most importantly patience. But now I am embarrassed to realize that I have become exactly like him. I have also realized that this must be caused by anxiety or some other mental illness. It affects everything that I do and causes it to be a half-assed job. I'm also a perfectionist at the same time and can see the faults in everything more than most people do, so it has controlled the half-assing to a degree. But the contradiction of my feelings is real painful.

4- An extreme feeling of revulsion towards anything that I am more or less obliged to do. Whether it be something that others have made me responsible for, or something that I myself have taken the responsibility to do. Like exercising. Just thinking about having a responsibility kills me which is a main reason I am so afraid of having a job. It's almost the same thing as #2 but I felt it needed it's own category.

I'm very grateful to anyone who has read this long text, whether they have an answer or not.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
are you me? i have the same things.
I better not be because they ban people with duplicate accounts :blank

thinks its called being normal
I don't think it's that normal. I have seen people pursue their hobbies. I have seen people who dedicate themselves to things and don't feel overwhelmed or stressed and actually enjoy it. I can't imagine so many people who are so successful in their field have the same feelings that I have. I can't imagine any impatient person to achieve anything serious in life.
Even if all this is normal it means I'm terrible at being normal because I find these feeling hard to deal with. Which means I am not normal.
 

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littleghost
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I especially identify with #2 and #4. Maybe it's part of having anxiety? I can't start things because I'm too afraid to fail or that it won't be perfect. #4 really wreaks havoc with my recovery, because every time I decide I'm going to do something to improve my life, I instantly rebel against it.
 

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I better not be because they ban people with duplicate accounts :blank

I don't think it's that normal. I have seen people pursue their hobbies. I have seen people who dedicate themselves to things and don't feel overwhelmed or stressed and actually enjoy it. I can't imagine so many people who are so successful in their field have the same feelings that I have. I can't imagine any impatient person to achieve anything serious in life.
Even if all this is normal it means I'm terrible at being normal because I find these feeling hard to deal with. Which means I am not normal.
Maybe I should have said that everyone is guilty of all your points at some stage in their life and dedication is something that plenty of people don't have.

Maybe try small steps each day to achieve what you want
 

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This doesn't seem like impatience to me, it sounds more like something to do with anxiety to invest in tasks, to take something head on, to engage in something with weight attached to it. If I get it right it's not the starting a project that provokes this, it's when the project transitions to something "serious" that it happens. The "rushing" part feels like it could have something to do with getting it over with as to not be stuck with the anxiety while doing it. This is all conjecture mind you, but food for thought. And it doesn't seem like a general condition as much as a specific response you have in this. The fact that your father has it too is telling, seems like a learned response that way. Hope that helps somehow.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
because every time I decide I'm going to do something to improve my life, I instantly rebel against it.
Me too :blank

This doesn't seem like impatience to me, it sounds more like something to do with anxiety to invest in tasks, to take something head on, to engage in something with weight attached to it. If I get it right it's not the starting a project that provokes this, it's when the project transitions to something "serious" that it happens. The "rushing" part feels like it could have something to do with getting it over with as to not be stuck with the anxiety while doing it. This is all conjecture mind you, but food for thought. And it doesn't seem like a general condition as much as a specific response you have in this. The fact that your father has it too is telling, seems like a learned response that way. Hope that helps somehow.
Thanks. You mentioned the word "serious" and that rings a bell because I have always despised serious things. I don't like serious situations, I hate serious and formal dresses, I don't even speak seriously. I'm always joking around and never take part in serious conversations. Omg now that I'm thinking about it there are numerous "serious" things that I avoid. Even exercising and studying. When I'm just casually exercising a bit I don't mind being seen but when I'm doing some serious daily exercise I feel very embarrassed to be seen. I always close my room's door when I exercise. Also when I'm studying for a little bit, I don't mind being seen. But when I'm seriously studying for an exam I feel very embarrassed to be seen.
 

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Me too :blank

Thanks. You mentioned the word "serious" and that rings a bell because I have always despised serious things. I don't like serious situations, I hate serious and formal dresses, I don't even speak seriously. I'm always joking around and never take part in serious conversations. Omg now that I'm thinking about it there are numerous "serious" things that I avoid. Even exercising and studying. When I'm just casually exercising a bit I don't mind being seen but when I'm doing some serious daily exercise I feel very embarrassed to be seen. I always close my room's door when I exercise. Also when I'm studying for a little bit, I don't mind being seen. But when I'm seriously studying for an exam I feel very embarrassed to be seen.
Sounds like you found your keyword :D most of us have "that thing" that ticks us off. A lot of the time it is behavior we see in our parents that we copy but at the same time don't accept because we identify with it ourselves. You may also project this on other things: when you see other people being overly "serious" it might trigger you. First step to getting to grips with it is understanding it, I'm struggling with my own "thing" (and always will) but if you become aware of it it can take the edge off.
 

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W/ a Gun Against My Head
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These seem to all be connected to social anxiety, like you don't want people to judge you on your work or how you work.
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