[bluebluesplayer]

Because of social anxiety, for the past 7 years I haven't had many friends. Even my relationship with my family is becoming strained. I've recently begun taking steps to integrate myself back into society and start making friends again. But there's a problem. I find many people I meet are indifferent to making friends. They're not against it but it doesn't appear that they get come to events to meet people and talk a lot. They don't come off as being eager. I've read in a pickup artist book that appearing indifferent is very important because it prevents you from looking desperate.

Here's my problem. Because of my SA, I'm kind of nervous around others. Rather than being quiet I force myself to engage others. I switch myself on in group gatherings. In fact, some of the few people I've met have commented on how "socially confident" I am. They say I can carry on meaningful conversations and that I have a great sense of humor.

BUT I find that many people in these social gatherings (both male and female) don't act the way I act. Which in turn makes me think that maybe I come off as desperate or a 'motor mouth'. If people don't talk to me I begin to think that they don't like me or that I'm doing something wrong. And then that makes me depressed, which in turn makes them even more hesitant to talk to me because of my negative body language.

What are your viewpoints on this issue? Do you believe the key to making friends is acting indifferent?

Do you have any stories you can share?

 

[coldmorning]

I don't think indifference is the key to making friends. Overeagerness can make some people feel uncomfortable or think you're needy. But taking the other extreme is not how to make friends either from what I've observed. There is a middle ground where you actively show interest in others and in making friends.

 

[bluebluesplayer]

Thanks Coldmorning, I appreciate the input!

 

[Brightpaperwarewolf]

Indifference isn't the way to go. People would think you are just an *******.

 

[Code of Honor]

I always put on a mask of indifference in front of others because it's easier than being social. I do not make friends. Brightpaperwarewolf is right, people think I'm just an *******.

 

[Madison_Rose]

Pick up artist books? Ha ha! I read one of those for s**ts and giggles, they may contain some useful advice, but take them with a pinch of salt.

I made friends with a girl I worked with when we walked home together each night. She said to me one night "I don't want to hold you up, you could take a quicker route home if you didn't walk with me." I said "I'd rather have the company." I found it easy to speak with her on our walks home. She offered to lend me some books, and she suggested that we go out for food one night. Our friendship kind of grew from there. Neither of us acted indifferent, unless you count her saying I didn't need to walk with her if I didn't want.

 

[sociallybehind]

you have to act like you don't really care but at the same time care that you want to make friends

does that make sense?