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I have a difficult time keeping any sort of friendship. Currently I have two friends (more like acquaintances), one I know in real life and the other is someone I've talked to online over the years. They both know about my issues, the online acquaintance has SA herself.

I seldom talk to them and I really struggle with this kind of relationship. Ideally I would have close friends who actually seem to value me.

I've been asking myself why they rarely talk to me. The guy I know in real life met up with me recently for a drink, but all he did was talk about his problems. I felt like he just wanted someone to unload all his problems to, rather than actually wanting to see me. He didn't ask about what I had been up to. It's been about two months since I've seen him, before our meet it was about six months.

The online acquaintance gets in touch with me every now and then, but again I feel like she does it out of boredom or wanting to feel validated (I feel awful saying that). She has a boyfriend, and a few friends, so why does she even bother with me?

I'm beginning to think that when I talk negatively or when people know about my problems, it lowers my value. Am I right here?

I actually did a little 'experiment' a while back. Someone had been exchanging emails with me and we were both divulging our problems. I didn't get a reply from her for a long time so I made up a story saying I'm going backpacking and won't be able to reply any more (slightly out of spite). Almost immediately I got a double message from her when before I hadn't heard from her for months. Was this because I had 'raised my value' in her eyes so to speak?

Anyway this has dragged on more than I wanted it to but from my experience I think you should never admit your problems to anyone (other than a doctor or therapist), and ALWYAYS paint yourself in the best light possible. It seems fake but maybe this is how things work.
 

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I don't know, I know a couple guys at work who are willing to discuss their mental health issues with me (and mine with them) and it's really nice, gives me great insights into human nature. Why should you limit yourself to only paying people to discuss your problems with? It's not like the shrinks will tell you any of THEIR problems.
 

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I do believe "Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone" is largely true. The people who are exceptions to it, even just for us, are the ones who are our friends, though.

Some people will want to use you. They aren't friends.
 

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I'm cool with people discussing their problems -- in fact, I respect them more for it. A lot of people aren't like that though so you've gotta be careful. Some people won't even understand if you just need some time to yourself because you're too anxious to go somewhere.
 

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More & more I feel like keeping my problems to myself. An online friend of mine said he didn't want anymore drama while online. That hurt me, plus he'd talked to me about his problems plenty of times before. I wish I could just find one person that listened to my venting as much as I've listened to everyone else's. I became a dumping ground for emotional problems & no one else really seemed to listen to me. It can be frustrating. So I decided to clam up... & abandon my Skype & main Tumblr for awhile.

I like this place because more people suffer from the same issues I have & (I'm hoping) some will be more open to discuss deep subjects if I can eventually make a friend or two on here.
 

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Yeah I can relate. But if anyone needs someone to vent to.. You can message me. :)
 

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I know how you feel, I'm actually kind of in the same situation, this girl only messages me, sometimes even calls me to unload, sometimes she's crying when she calls me, she never asks how I'm doing, she just unloads her problems on me, and then that's it. Now part of me thinks I'm just being used, a lot of people don't enjoy hearing other people cry about something, but I personally don't mind, I don't like being used, but at the same time..

The fact that someone is actually willing to lay down their emotions on me, makes me feel good, it makes me actually feel "useful" in a sense, like they know that I will take the time to listen, so they know they can come to me to give them advice, or just simply to listen. I think there's a big difference here, in your situation it kind of just sounds like you're being used as someone to lay their problems on, but I may be wrong, and they may see you as someone special they can confide in, because they trust you.

That being said though, if a person never asks you how you're doing, not even once, and then after they're done they don't talk to you again until they've got a new problem, it sounds to me like you're just being used.
 
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