Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just really want to get over this SA thing and meet new people. So is it okay to invite yourself along to something? Like today I asked what someone was doing and they said they might go somewhere and I asked if I could come with them. Is that weird or rude?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
99 Posts
To me there's a difference between inviting yourself and imposing on them. If they are going on a date or something, you really don't need to be there (and I doubt you'd want to) but really it's ok to ask as long as you don't try to force them to let you go.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
12,147 Posts
I think it probably has more to do with how you ask than whether or not you ask.

Example -

Other person - "I'm going to see a band tonight"

You - "Can I go?"

The way that's asked is a bit forward and the other person may feel like you're so eager to go that it would be mean of them to say no.

If you said something more along the lines of -

"I haven't seen a band in a while. Do you mind if I join you, or do you have other plans?"

That might seem a little more polite and they may feel more comfortable if they decline.

On the other hand, it has to be said that if they wanted you to go, they'd probably invite you. I don't think it's incredibly rude to ask but it could be seen as a little rude.
 

·
I am, etc.
Joined
·
1,381 Posts
I think it's best to first express interest and a lot of times people will invite you if they want to. Say things like: 'Oh that sounds like fun', or 'I've been wanting to see that movie...'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
315 Posts
You never know, they might like the extra company :)

The trick is not to directly imply your participation but bring your interests to the same frequency as such indirectly persuading the other party to raise an invitation to you.

As such, you have little risk of appearing to force yourself into their activity.
 

·
Space Cadet
Joined
·
2,458 Posts
Is that weird or rude?
I would say not at all. If you try to calm yourself down so you can just say really calmly and laid back "mind if I come?", I can't see how that would be rude. If somebody thinks it's weird, then that's their problem and you probably don't want to be friends with them in any case. I don't see how the four words I gave above could possibly come across as weird, as long as you make sure that you are relaxed when you say them. Just keep telling yourself that it's no big deal one way or another.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
I think it depends on the situation. I've always been taught never to invite myself over and so, have always found it rude when people have asked if they could come to my house. House is the only thing I really have an issue with, though.

I think it depends on how personal the event is.
 

·
Beautiful Mess
Joined
·
1,284 Posts
I just really want to get over this SA thing and meet new people. So is it okay to invite yourself along to something? Like today I asked what someone was doing and they said they might go somewhere and I asked if I could come with them. Is that weird or rude?
I think you can invite yourself in a tactful way and not be rude. If someone is going somewhere and you would like to go with them you can say " Oh! Wow! I have been wanting to go there for awhile now" or " My day is pretty open, would you mind if I come along, if not, I understand"

Usually when you imply that you want to go there or that your are bored and want to get out and about most people will invite you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
279 Posts
I never invite myself to any event, unless it's a school-sponsored one, and even then I sometimes don't even go.

However, I think with this upcoming year, I might ask other people if they would like to go with me to specific events (such as the movies or concerts). I find that I'm more comfortable asking if others would like to go somewhere with me rather than asking if I can go somewhere with them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
102 Posts
I still have problems with this sometimes... the only reason I know it's a problem is when I ask if I can go along with someone and they say "no."

One time in high school I was chit-chatting with some girls in class, and when the class was over I asked where they were going and if I could go with them. One of the girls was like, "sure", so I followed them around out of the building and across to the building with the food court. They never talked to me. Actualy an aquaintence of mine saw me and said "hi" so I went to talkto her for a split second and when I looked back for the other girls they wee gone. I guess they were trying to get rid of me. They should've just told me.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top