[SAD Queen of the World]

I often wish that I could just accept that being social, making friends and dating is just too difficult for me and so I'm not going to try and do those things anymore. The problem is that I have a hard time believing it's possible for me to be alone and be happy. I was just wondering if anyone of you thinks is it possible to be almost completely alone and somehow still live a happy life? If anyone has some suggestions on how to do this, I'd be interested in reading them. Thanks!

 

[aloss4words]

No, because you need people in your life. What if you get sick or too old to take care of yourself? It is a basic need to be social.

 

[Uncle Charlie]

Well, there are those who genuinely hate the company of others, so I guess it applies in their case. If you're anything like me though, then No.

 

[bht96]

There are introverts, whom are different than SAD sufferers in that they don't enjoy the company of people and they are completely fine with it. But even they probably have a select few people who they keep around for company. I think what aloss4words said was correct in that we need people in order to thrive in life. I think we SAD sufferers get that and that's why we aren't fine with this disorder. We want so much to live life and in order to do that we have to learn to release this crippling fear. From your message it sounds like you might be giving up and wondering if you can survive without personal contact. I think your time would better be spent thinking about moving forward in getting better with SA. I know it can seem like nothing works, but there are many resources and many strategies to try. You might as well stand up and figure this puzzle out or you are going to die lonely. I am speaking to myself as well because I am having the same thoughts as you.

 

[solasum]

I think we should forget circumstantial happiness. Seriously. If you end up with people later in life, great. If not, find a way to be happy.

 

[Perfectionist]

I think it's possible. Take up hobbies. Travel. Set personal goals. Maybe I am just natrually introverted, but I find I'm happiest when I'm alone, and enjoy the time I spend doing whatever I want when I'm by myself.

When are you having the most fun? If it is with friends, or swapping stories with coworkers or something, then it seems like you'd need a lot of people in your life. If it's something not really relying on the presence of other people, like relaxing with a book or travelling, I think it's possible.

 

[Globe_Trekker]

I don't think you can be completely alone and be content and happy (you would go slowly insane). Isolation is used as a form of punishment (in prisons and when you are ostracized by people).

It's a catch22: we need people for survival, yet we want to isolate ourselves from the world...personally I think the lesser of two evils is socializing and having a support group (family, friends).

Maybe the more you try to socialize the better you'll get and the more you'll actually start enjoying it?

Just don't isolate yourself completely from the world (see my other post)

 

[shyvr6]

I heard somewhere that people who are isolated usually die nine years earlier than people who have a social support system. I don't know if it's true or not, but I think it sounds plausible. I think in order to be happy you have to stay busy. That way you don't have time to think about your isolation.

 

[formaltide]

I often wish that I could just accept that being social, making friends and dating is just too difficult for me and so I'm not going to try and do those things anymore. The problem is that I have a hard time believing it's possible for me to be alone and be happy. I was just wondering if anyone of you thinks is it possible to be almost completely alone and somehow still live a happy life? If anyone has some suggestions on how to do this, I'd be interested in reading them. Thanks!

I tried it. I reasoned with myself that despite how much I wanted to be with people, I was obviously getting stressed by being with them, so if I wanted to get rid of the stress, the obvious solution was to remove myself from those stressful situations.

It was horrible. Every day felt worse and worse, all I could think about was how bitter I was at society for forcing me out, then about how lonely I was and if I had made a mistake. I kept swinging back and forth on those thoughts, and even though I believed I was doing the right thing, that I was headed in the right direction for once, the question kept ringing in my mind. Is this what you really want?

First my answer was yes, then no, then yes, then no, and eventually I thought I was going to crazy. I kept thinking if I had someone to talk it out with and figure it out, it'd be done with. But that would mean I need to find someone and put myself back into socializing.

Eventually, an old friend called me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I refused, but called hours later, telling myself that if I didn't like the situation, I could always just leave. Nobody was stopping me from leaving any social situation whenever I wanted. After meeting up with him, though, I just broke down and it was like everything I was holding in during those weeks just poured out of me. I really did need someone to talk to.

As humans, we're social beings. We need each other, even if we don't want to believe it. If you really feel you must separate from your social life, then perhaps it would be better to simply look for one elsewhere. Or take a breather when you feel it's too much. Ultimately, your happiness is more important than anything, so take any means for it.

 

[downbutnotout]

I often wish that I could just accept that being social, making friends and dating is just too difficult for me and so I'm not going to try and do those things anymore. The problem is that I have a hard time believing it's possible for me to be alone and be happy. I was just wondering if anyone of you thinks is it possible to be almost completely alone and somehow still live a happy life? If anyone has some suggestions on how to do this, I'd be interested in reading them. Thanks!

Yeah, its tough. It seems like its impossible to do these things.

Its like, people like us want a partner etc, but we dont want to have the uneasy hard part of being judged etc.

In my opinion you only need to know decent good people. So you need a certain amount of support you can rely on.

 

[KumagoroBeam]

sometimes i'm very happy just being alone and doing the things i want. but i know that i don't want to be alone my whole life.
i'm not constantly depressed about it, though. i know that, even if i didn't have SA, i would still not be a social butterfly or anything. i just don't have a lot in common with most people.
still, i don't think it's possible to be truly happy when you're always alone.
but i definitely would choose being alone over being with people i don't like.

 

[Sebastian]

I think it's possible. Take up hobbies. Travel. Set personal goals. Maybe I am just natrually introverted, but I find I'm happiest when I'm alone, and enjoy the time I spend doing whatever I want when I'm by myself.

:ditto

 

[Aeterna]

I think it's possible for certain people. I don't think you can force yourself to be content with it if you aren't already, though.

 

[La_Resistance]

For me it's impossible.

I need do everything in my power to avoid that outcome.

 

[VCL XI]

I favor this possibility much more than "accompanied and miserable".

 

[Gordon2108]

I do not recommend this route.

I did not consciously do so, but.. it appears ive drifted more towards the 'schizoid' side of things. Not to say that I am schizoid, but I exhibit many of the symptoms.

Apathy about nearly everything. Lack of damn near all motivation. No interest in people, in fact, im quite the misanthropic. No interest in any THING either. unaffected by praise or criticism. Lacking emotional response. Etc etc.

The thing is, some things DO elicit an emotional response. Particularly.. very emotional scenes of other people. The show "Intervention" gets me.. as do many love movies. However, a man being hit by a car, a family members funeral, or a child crying have little or no effect on me. I also still show many features of social anxiety. Not necessarily a fear of people, but.. such a strong desire to stay away from people.. its hard to explain.. the results of fear without the emotion? And I still feel anxiety at times, though I often suppress it by closing myself off.

My 'fear' and anxiety almost always come from situations that can result in rejection, or require me to tell of my desires or emotions. Even "What do you want for dinner" can cause me anxiety. Which leads towards "I dont care"..

I have built up a nearly impenetrable wall, and it has turned me into what is essentially a lifeless blob. No emotion. No motive. No desire. No passion. In an effort to avoid my anxiety and fear I have completely sealed myself off from the world.

Not that my feelings, desires, need for human contact are non existant. Just that I have buried them so deeply any conscious effort to retrieve them is in vain.

Don't try to build the wall. It is not any better in the slightest. If anything it is worse knowing the part of you that cares is there, yet unreachable.

 

[jim695]

I think about the only people who truly enjoy being alone are the Zen Buddhist gurus who will live on a mountain top alone for 20 years and never speak to anyone.

Other than those guys, I agree with one of the earlier posts;
we are social creatures and need one another's company.

I have tried to mentally trick myself into thinking that I enjoy and prefer being alone and I have never been able to do it. There are times when I have had wonderful times while being alone, but those are the exception. Most of the time I yearn for company.

 

[John_in_SF]

The problem is that I have a hard time believing it's possible for me to be alone and be happy.

In your heart, do you want people in your life? If so, you will never be happy being alone, no matter how hard you try to talk yourself into it.

 

[jollybeans]

I think ikts possible if you hate people or dont crave a connection with people then yes

 

[Canadian Brotha]

I favor this possibility much more than "accompanied and miserable".

I feel this way as well, I've never been on for the "misery loves company" bit, at least not the company of people, perhaps the company of distraction yes

I think about the only people who truly enjoy being alone are the Zen Buddhist gurus who will live on a mountain top alone for 20 years and never speak to anyone.

I often find myself with this dream in the back of my mind, to be alone in the mountains managing for myself & only entering town for supplies here & there, it always seems like a peaceful answer to my social woes

If you're doing it by choice, why not?

But SA sufferers are alone not because they want to be, but because they can't get along with people.

I agree, this relates to gurus in solitude, if it's a conscious choice not influenced by fears, anxieties, and/or depression then yes it's very possible but if that influence is there & is not first addressed then it will not work out