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black celebration
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I would very much like to go to a bar or club and meet people. It just....sounds like a scary idea to me. I would rather go with a friend, but for my purposes and goals it would be better if I were alone.

So...any advice on how to do this? In a way that is perceived as normal, lol?
 

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Swedish Feminist
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It's really not that weird, but it's generally not advisable for a 21-year-old female to go to a bar/club by herself. If you HAVE to go, keep an eye on your drink at all times and definitely don't hitch a ride with a stranger. And if someone asks if you're alone, LIE like your life depends on it (and actually your life may actually depend on it - who knows). I think a bar/club is a great place to go to if all you want is literally to meet people and only that, but if your intention is to make friends go somewhere else.
 

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Banned
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Do not go alone if you're a female. So many preying guys out there that will take advantage of you alone. Seen it happen too many times at a club and bar.

Males can wing it by going alone. Went alone for a long time to my favorite club and people looked at me weird cause I didn't bring anyone, but once the alcohol starts flowing in me, I can care less what they think cause I want to have a good time.
 

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Out there...
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Well I guess I'm in the minority because I do this all the time. I still do get self-conscious but I gradually start to care less and less. I guess making friends this way is a long shot, but I don't know where else to go (or start).

I've had some great, fulfilling conversations while going in to places like these by myself. I'm by myself 95% of the time (not counting work - but even there I do also), but I got to enjoy myself SOMEHOW.

Also, I think you're all making this sound more bizarre than it actually is. Or maybe my anxiety is not as much as it once was.
 

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subtastic
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Maybe. But I was thinking that if you really want to go to a bar and you don't have anyone to go with, why not try a hotel bar? There are likely to be people by themselves there, since lots of people travel for work alone. And some hotel bars are actually pretty cool.
 

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I would very much like to go to a bar or club and meet people. It just....sounds like a scary idea to me. I would rather go with a friend, but for my purposes and goals it would be better if I were alone.

So...any advice on how to do this? In a way that is perceived as normal, lol?
When I was in my alcohol phase going into bars did not phase me much. But only if I could smoke. At that time it was legal to smoke inside pubs so I would prop up the bar with a cig in my hand waiting to be served, trying to look confident and not look anxious.

Those days are long gone as I can't drink like I used to or smoke in pubs anymore.. I would probably freak out if I was standing at a busy bar now. Unless I could just walk in and get served right away.

In bar situations, I always found that at first you're nervous going in, but once you've gone in, got your drink and sat down, going back to the bar is not half as bad. You can even enjoy it.

Pubs are useful places too, or good places rather, for SA people I think. The barmaid or barman sees all kinds of people in there, many of them with social problems. They're used to it and don't tend to be as judgemental in how they act and look at you as say shop sales people. They might even put you at ease with a little bit of banter or some small talk..it's a good way to test out your social skills in a non-threatening environmental. I knew some really nice people who either were regular drinkers or workers in pubs who were very kind to me.
 

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I hate doing this. I went once to my university night club (it was only across the road from me and perfectly safe) because someone was supposed to be there and I couldn't see them when I walked in. There was about 12 of us. I stuck plasters on my feet, bought a drink, drank a tiny bit then high tailed it out of there.
Then I decided to kill an hour in my uni bar and being one of the only women in a 10:1 male to female campus (no exaggeration) and being the only woman in the room, everyone was staring at me so I called my mum and told her to talk to me to stop anyone approaching me.
Being a lonely female in a bar is a scary thing.
 

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You might be better off going to a more relaxed, less crowded bar rather than a crowded club. Some bars generally just have a more laid-back atmosphere, or you could try going on a weeknight or to a happy hour. I feel like I see more people alone in bars during those times and it's not really that weird. Once I was at a bar with just one other friend and there was a guy there alone who talked to us for a little bit and even bought us drinks. It wasn't really weird at all. But I feel like when I see someone dancing alone at a club it seems REALLY weird. Maybe you could pull it off if you're a guy - just stand around for a bit and maybe ask a girl to dance - but I would recommend never dancing by yourself at a club, it just looks strange.

The best ways I've made friends going out, though, is by going through people you're already friends with. The best way to do this is to invite one or two people out with you, tell them to bring friends, and offer your place as a place to pregame before you all head out. Even better if you can offer them something to drink. I feel like I've met a lot of friends this way because you get to know people in a relaxed atmosphere where you're drinking a little, but before everyone gets drunk. And if you're nervous you can take a shot or two before they get there...lol. Honestly I'd be really nervous about approaching strangers at a bar; I'm a lot more comfortable around people I already know and meet almost all of my friends through mutual acquaintances, but of course, everyone's different and you should do whatever you're comfortable with.
 

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^ Ditto. Even with the ****ty weather over where I am, it was fun to get out and have fun with all those dressed up.
Yeah I forgot how fun it is to go out during these types of weekends. If only I had friends I could consistently hang out with. While solo'ing it is fun occasionally, it does get lonely to see everyone with their friends or girlfriends in public.
 

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Out there...
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Yeah I forgot how fun it is to go out during these types of weekends. If only I had friends I could consistently hang out with. While solo'ing it is fun occasionally, it does get lonely to see everyone with their friends or girlfriends in public.
True. Last night seemed to be rare in that I had company around me for a while, but I still solo'ed it out for a while. But even then I had a good night socially. Hell, I even had a really good week socially. And consistently too I might add. I even plan on going out tomorrow night to see if my luck continues.

I guess maybe I've been past the point of trying to get people to come with me, since all my attempts to in the past have been all for naught.

But I still get that self-consciousness as you do as well. Maybe I've just made it more tolerable.
 

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Kitten lover
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I dunno. I avoid going to bars and clubs LOL. The whole seedy atmosphere is depressing.

I'd rather spend time in a library or a nice park, preferably alone. I don't like alcohol and I don't want to be around it
 

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True. Last night seemed to be rare in that I had company around me for a while, but I still solo'ed it out for a while. But even then I had a good night socially. Hell, I even had a really good week socially. And consistently too I might add. I even plan on going out tomorrow night to see if my luck continues.

I guess maybe I've been past the point of trying to get people to come with me, since all my attempts to in the past have been all for naught.

But I still get that self-consciousness as you do as well. Maybe I've just made it more tolerable.
That's good. I think progressively going out more is the key. But it is hard if you have no or little friends.
 
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