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sa challenger
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Discussion Starter #1
Are there people here who are living the dream? Or, is it a choice you make to stay together?
 

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I suspect that for most people (I've known a few exceptions) the normal course of a long term relationship is for it to evolve from "I can't imagine being without him or her" to "this has more advantages than disadvantages". That latter stage is more about practicality and choice than passion. That's not necessarily sad or a bad thing, but it's not the fantasy most people at least subconsciously expect to live, and I think it often disappoints.

I've known a few happy couples who seemed to know that the practical would overtake the passionate and were prepared for it, and so their expectations were more in line with their experience. Makes for a contented story, but not one that's going to end up being a big best seller.
 

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I suspect that for most people (I've known a few exceptions) the normal course of a long term relationship is for it to evolve from "I can't imagine being without him or her" to "this has more advantages than disadvantages".
Surely it's in the interests of both partners for it to evolve from "I can't imagine being without him or her", since even in the best relationship one of them is going to die first. So perhaps being practical and realistic is best for emotional self-preservation and the stability of the relationship. When someone gives up the will to live after their partner dies, it seems somehow more pathetic than romantic.
 

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Surely it's in the interests of both partners for it to evolve from "I can't imagine being without him or her", since even in the best relationship one of them is going to die first. So perhaps being practical and realistic is best for emotional self-preservation and the stability of the relationship. When someone gives up the will to live after their partner dies, it seems somehow more pathetic than romantic.
I agree, although I'm not sure it isn't romantic in the way I'm thinking of the word. Either way, those are examples of people who cling to the fantasy, even if it kills them.
 

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Still Running
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In my experience, clinging to the “I can’t live without you” tends to put a wedge into the relationship for the one who wants to move on to a more practical relationship where there is compromise and motivation toward longevity.
 

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sa challenger
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Discussion Starter #6
Ok.I need to approach this topic gingerly, as I don't wish to upset my husband. We've been together almost 25 years. It's been a shaky ride. My kids will be out soon. I have a devious longing for..who knows what. I have times when I'm very happy with my mate, and times when I can't stand him. I would never cheat on him. I just question this commitment sometimes. It's supposed to last forever. Am I going to get the good wife award at the end? Is it worth it? Is a lifetime too long for anyone to ask? It's good for the family, I hope, the stability, and the girls have a good sense of who they are and what they expect out of a mate. Darn it. I just feel like sometimes I only have one life to live, and I've been such a good doobie. I want passion, romance, newness, butterflies in my stomach..I know I can find these things with my hubbie. I dunno. I'll tell ya what..I need a life!

Yes, I do believe you can live happily ever after, with grand moments of passion.
 

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Little Winged One
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It's funny,I find myself staring at those weekly pictures of "happy couples" celebrating their 50th anniversarys in the paper. I always wish I could grab them out of the photo and just ask them straight out if they're miserable. I just wonder how many of those elderly,grinning couples would really love to just scream and scream!! I feel that so much of it,must be just going thru the motions. Sacrificing more and more bits and pieces of yourself until all that's left is putting on the show. Especially for the older generation the appearance is everything.
 

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I only had romantic ideas about relationships from my teens to my early twenties. Then I grew out of it and developed more objective ideas about it over the years. Simply because my priorities also changed over the years. Romance is for the young and naive IMO. Nothing you can constantly integrate in your everyday life.
 

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I definitely believe in happily ever after. You should have known my parents. It was obvious how they felt about each other. Both were reserved and not very demonstrative so it wasn't for show and it wasn't showy; it was just obvious. It does seem a rarity, but true love definitely exists, and that's what makes for ever after possible. . . it's easier to face the not so happy parts of life when you have someone who really loves you along for the ride. I wouldn't describe my parents as passionate . . . but then again they had eight children so what do I know! Mom died after 51 years of marriage, and my dad was definitely a broken man after her death, but he kept going just as she would have if he had died first. People have some skewy ideas about what love is I think. We live in sort of a hyper-sexed society and romance and passion are somehow equated with love. I don't believe that myself. There's a selflessness in real love that takes delight in another's happiness -- every once in awhile two people get together who each feel that way about the other, and it works out pretty darn well. Of course, I've not had the good fortune of experiencing this first hand . . . though I think my relationship with my dog comes close. :O)
 

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Wow. I would expect this level of negativity in the Relationships forum with the younger ones but am surprised to hear the elders of SAS being just as negative.

Surely, one GOOD thing about being older is being wiser. To think that the lusty cant keep my hands off you thing lasts at all with anyone is foolish. But that isnt even what love is its purely lust.

Love is much deeper than that, as illustrated in the above post ^^^^. The ideas that our society has developed has done a huge disservice to people.

I too have had a doubting mind...but recent events have cemented my belief of what love really is. Its a shame that so many people are so negative.

And I just love when people say they dont "believe" in love as if its up for debate; love isnt something that may or may not exist simply because one denies it.
 

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Are there people here who are living the dream? Or, is it a choice you make to stay together?
I believe in "happily ever after." However, I only got married for the first and only time at age 44, a little more than two years ago. We haven't had the chance to accumulate the years of resentments than can build up.
 

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sa challenger
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Discussion Starter #15
I definitely believe in happily ever after. You should have known my parents. It was obvious how they felt about each other. Both were reserved and not very demonstrative so it wasn't for show and it wasn't showy; it was just obvious. It does seem a rarity, but true love definitely exists, and that's what makes for ever after possible. . . it's easier to face the not so happy parts of life when you have someone who really loves you along for the ride. I wouldn't describe my parents as passionate . . . but then again they had eight children so what do I know! Mom died after 51 years of marriage, and my dad was definitely a broken man after her death, but he kept going just as she would have if he had died first. People have some skewy ideas about what love is I think. We live in sort of a hyper-sexed society and romance and passion are somehow equated with love. I don't believe that myself. There's a selflessness in real love that takes delight in another's happiness -- every once in awhile two people get together who each feel that way about the other, and it works out pretty darn well. Of course, I've not had the good fortune of experiencing this first hand . . . though I think my relationship with my dog comes close. :O)
selflessness: agreed
 

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I've seen it a couple of times --- in both cases, people who'd been married for 30+ years and were still very much in love. It does happen.
 

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is getting over herself
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It's stories like this that give me hope. One day, maybe, one day.....

I definitely believe in happily ever after. You should have known my parents. It was obvious how they felt about each other. Both were reserved and not very demonstrative so it wasn't for show and it wasn't showy; it was just obvious. It does seem a rarity, but true love definitely exists, and that's what makes for ever after possible. . . it's easier to face the not so happy parts of life when you have someone who really loves you along for the ride. I wouldn't describe my parents as passionate . . . but then again they had eight children so what do I know! Mom died after 51 years of marriage, and my dad was definitely a broken man after her death, but he kept going just as she would have if he had died first. People have some skewy ideas about what love is I think. We live in sort of a hyper-sexed society and romance and passion are somehow equated with love. I don't believe that myself. There's a selflessness in real love that takes delight in another's happiness -- every once in awhile two people get together who each feel that way about the other, and it works out pretty darn well. Of course, I've not had the good fortune of experiencing this first hand . . . though I think my relationship with my dog comes close. :O)
 

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is getting over herself
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Excellent. As long as I know that the possibility does exist, it seems to be enough to sustain my hope.

I've seen it a couple of times --- in both cases, people who'd been married for 30+ years and were still very much in love. It does happen.
 
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