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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I think that getting drunk (or stoned, or whatever else) with somebody is a really effective bonding and trust thing. If, like me, you don't smoke, drink or take drugs, how do you 1. find other people with similar tastes and 2. bond with them once you've met them?

I think laughter is one way, maybe you could go to see a funny film or stand up comedy...
 

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Call Me !!!!
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I know what you're saying , drinking , getting stoned or worreva is certainly a great way to bond with people .

I kinda reclude my self from my friends cuz they all just get stoned every night n the ones that don't i only see on the weekends but even then i'll get drunk.

I'm not sure how i would bond with a "tee totaller" outwith dating them unless we were both in the same class/job etcetra .
 

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You don't need drugs, alcohol, or smoking to make new friends. I've never done any of that and I have more friends than I need. Now some of them do those things and a few of them have joked with getting me to try, but I'm too strong minded for that.
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I don't think these are barriers to making friends. Speaking for myself, it seems that the more lasting friendships have been from work. But that might just be me.
I've always picked jobs where I'm working with men. Then I wonder why I have no gal pals...silly old me ;)

My one-remaining-female-friend-in-my-city likes taking drugs and getting drunk - I still go out with her and have fun, but it's a little odd. Please don't tell me to stop hanging out with her - she's all I've got! It's not like I'm going to drink just so she likes me. I'm trying to make new friends but it's not happening yet. I suppose some people bond over shared interests?
 

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My firend dealt drugs when he was younger, still drinks and smokes, but he's respectful enough not to try and influence me.
 

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I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs either and am in the same boat. If you're in college I'd advise joining clubs and stuff. That's what I did at my last college by joining the theater group there and had the closest things to friends I've had since middle school. I'm not sure if I would really consider them friends as we only hung out in play practice and a few cast parties and don't really talk now. At the cast parties everyone else drank but I didn't mind, it was fun seeing them drunk.
 

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Is being tee-total a barrier to making new friends?
In my experience it has been... but then again, when I finally decided to go through with it, they never called me like they said they would. *sighs* I'm a definite tee-totaller now though; it interferes with my meds and condition.
 

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Geting stoned and drunk was a great way to make friends and relax for me. But as my anxiety got worse, getting stoned or drunk can trigger some nasty panic attacks. And i just don't have enough energy to socialise. It just drains me completely.

And funny thing is, when i drink in a uncontrolled enviroment, my hands get so shaky, that i can't even hold the glass or pour drink the proper way. And it's clearly visible to other people. Once i couldn't even make a joint because i couldn't stand people staring at me.

But if i laugh at it when i get home instead of overanalysing the whole social gathering and facepalming myself, it helps. I guess not finding myself too serious is a good thing
 

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calm
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I am not sure for what kind of suggestions you are looking for but for bonding with people. (getting close to people) - eye contact is very important - it expresses so much and is the area that people look the most in the face.
second very important is body language.

so i would suggest you do friendly eye contact, be really calm (because this calms others and make them comfortable around you)

try to establish an emotional connections - try to live the emotions of the person you are with, for expamle he/she tells you of a sad/joyfull whatever story, as you listen let the emotions mirror in yourself
 

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i think most people have had "propaganda" type info shoved in there face at a young age into thinking weed and alcohol are EVIL.

Whereas a legal drug (just because its accepted by the government) people have no problem with...

There are advantages to marijuana and alcohol... you just need the balance/weight the benefits against the negatives and decide A) If you are going to use it B) how often/how much C) what guidelines will you set in place to stop yourself becoming carried away with it.

Just saying there is lots of biased press on Marijuana and Alcohol that leads to irrational thinking, yes it can be bad in some situations.

edit: OP: alcohol is a social lubricant... imagine trying to do other things without lubricant, IE: it will be easy in a specific situation but not in others... the lubricant can make it easier :)
 

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Yes you can, but there is an increase in friction between you and socializing which you could say is the stress/anxiety without the "social lubricant". At least in my case, and I rarely drink.

It could be different for other people though, but it does have advantages.


Edit: I was thinking of a similar question before, all i came up with was sports, art, culture, religion, movies, music.... certain areas are entangled with drugs and alcohol though.
 

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I don't think you have to do drugs to make friends or that doing them would get you "real" friends. I would try to instead get involved in some activities you enjoy to meet/bond with people.

I think similar intrests is more important in starting a relationship and having a deep relationship has more to do with your personality and how much you click with someone then whether you do the same activity.

Plus the one kind of mutual friend I have went down that path and ended up doing really messed up things like drinking cough syrup with a college drop out whos life is extremelly messed up and acting like a shallow ******* who can only talk about drugs and how awesome he is.
 

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Try listening in to a topic and offering a joke or comment about what they're saying. Unless you're a machine there is bound to be something you can talk with someone about. Often one person's friendship can lead to more.
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
sigh: I agree with the your first points - the media, governments and schools can be a bit hysterical about oh noes drugs. In my case, I've tried getting wasted on alcohol (and other things) and have chosen to give it up because I, personally, didn't like it. It really doesn't work as a "social lubricant" for me.
 
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