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Another rant from me, no easy replies to this one.

My ex had a lot of what we would call red flags. A history of sexual abuse from her father and later on, several suicide attempts. Extreme emotional reactions to every situation; after 1 month she wanted to marry me and after 3 months she wanted to never talk to me again. A manipulative personality, a history of cheating on boyfriends, using intimacy as a bargaining chip, etc.

Some people just can't believe that I'd even get into this relationship at all, let alone go deeper into it, or that I'd have any trouble letting go of it.

From the outside it looks like she only wanted money, or a sperm donor to have children, or something like that. I can't deny there's some truth there.

I also think there was a genuine emotional connection, like you'd see between any other couple with great chemistry. It's like we were two broken halves that fit together. We both had huge family problems at about the same time in our childhood. We both had a history of depression and anxiety. Ending the relationship was extremely painful for both of us, even when it was obviously necessary.

They say that we learn what we want in a relationship from our parents. There were a few things that came up over the course of the relationship that made me think, her father was bad, but maybe I'm a lot like him after all. And dealing with her unstable personality really brought me back to my own childhood, when there was always a battle or emotional crisis to be managed.

When all of this was going on, I read a ton of material about relationship advice, boundary setting, co-dependency, etc. and I understand all the logical reasons why this relationship was bad. A lot of this material focuses on improving yourself so you can attract better people into your life. I'm starting to think, maybe my ex was the best woman I'm capable of attracting. I'd like to become this great person who never has emotional problems, but it just feels impossible.

I'm emotionally starving to death because I don't have a single person to open up to. I'm not allowed to say "I'm depressed" or "I feel worthless" or "I feel afraid." I need a woman who can understand these things and not just think of me as weak. For the love of God, it's not like I'm not trying to live the best life I can, I just have all this garbage and insanity in my psyche.
 

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You’re right. There is no easy reply to this message lol, but I can honestly relate to a lot of what you had to say and so I will try. I’m not sure I can offer any wisdom or any advice because I’m feeling the same way – like I'm emotionally starving to death because I don't have a single person to open up to. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever find someone who can understand these things and not just think of me as “crazy”.

Anyway, someone had this to say to me and I’m not sure if I believe it myself but maybe it can help you: there are so many different people in this world that chances are several of them could understand you and love you for you, so keep your faith up because you really only need to manage to find one of those people. :)
 

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Dude, lots of people get into messed up relationships even ones with good family histories. This is probably one of your first relationships, so theres more time and more women down the road, and you'll use what you learned from this relationship to create healthier ones down the line.
 

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I can relate to a lot of that too, and I think one thing I have learned is that when I'm not taking care of myself, any relationship I'm in goes downhill pretty fast. It sounds like you are still mad at her and want to blame her for the relationship going bad. I can understand that too, but I'm starting to realize that if I had taken care of myself just a little bit more I would have been able to take care of her better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should only take on what you can handle in a relationship. And how much you can handle is directly related to how well you take care of yourself.
 

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Honestly, no. Here's why.

When not in a relationship, we can improve ourselves. As we improve ourselves, the way we see others changes, and thus, our qualities in a significant other will change to adapt.

A dysfunctional relationship is a distraction.
 

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It's better not to get into a unhealthy relationship. My father's in a bad relationship and I hate my stepmum alot...though I don't say it out much, but I felt angry.

She's a complete narcissistic even though she's a failure thorough and thorough.
 
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