[kicia]

Hello, I am 19 years old and I have social anxiety. It sounds like I went to an AA meeting the way I said that lol. Anyways, I have a girlfriend who lives in the uk(i live in the us). We met online, been together for a long time, and just met each other recently when she came to visit(and clicked like crazy, its beautiful). She also has social anxiety, similar extent to mine. There are things she can do that I cant, and vice versa. However, she has friends, and I don't Not that I don't, I have 2 people who i guess i can call friends, but i barely see them and they are not real friends anyways, people i hang out with at times I suppose.

I feel like I am at a lowest point in my life. I am a sophomore in college, just started 2 days ago, and I never felt more lonely. I really want to make friends, but I just have no idea how. Last year, I talked to a couple of people on my classes, but never took it beyond that and yeah I pretty much dont know anyone, and my school has over 20,000 people so its really sad. I commute to school, and when I come back all I do is waste my time at home, feeling depressed. Now, my girlfriend used to say she has no friends either, but she had this friend who she used to know very well in high school and she invites her to do stuff sometimes with her and some other people(also her "former" friends) like today, 5 of them hung out. She claims they are not really her friends(she doesnt see them a lot), and yet I have no idea what it means to hang out with a group of friends because its been so long since I had one sigh. Not to mention she went on a field trip recently(sponsored by this program that is helping her get better) and she really hit it off with this girl and they are like best friends now.

Now, I should be happy for her right? And I am happy, but at the same time it's killing me knowing that she also has social anxiety, and yet she is so much better at this then me. How can she make a friend just like that? She calims the other girl started talking to her, but how come I never get opportunities like that? I have been feeling really inferior recently, and even though she says she loves me and all she needs is me, I just feel so worthless. I just want to make some friends at college, how does that work? I am taking 4 classes and they are all 150+ kids, so its really hard. But how do I just talk to someone, how do I do anything that can potentially help me make any friends? I am so depressed because yes, I have the love of my life, but the past few days I feel so inferior to her, and then not being able to be with her for the time, and not having anyone else, I have literally no one in my life, all my family is back in my country of origin, I live here with my parents. I am really losing motivation to try at school and even being there makes me sick because I see all these groups and im just walking by myself.

I know many of you have the same problem, but surely some of you must've made some friends in college. I would appreciate any help because if I dont make any friends soon I will go insane from the loneliness that I have been feeling for the past year now.

 

[Pocketfox]

I know exactly how you feel, because for a while I was in the exact same situation. I can't really tell you what you want to know, because I haven't worked that out for myself yet. But please think about how lucky you are to have her, even if she can't be physically with you. Quality matters more than quantity, and if you only one have one social relationship but you both love each other, that's the most important thing in life and you have it.

Wish I could say something more helpful, but I am jealous of you.

 

[bmac88]

Like Pocketfox said, you are very lucky. It sounds like you two really love each other. I understand though your wanting to make friends especially now at college. I made a few friends at college. It started with someone who is not shy at all saying something jokingly to me. I saw this as my chance and said something back. I think if I didn't really say anything he would have tried his luck with the next person. I think if you have a chance early in class especially if someone says something to you, try to say something back. This will probably make the other person feel a little more comfortable as well and you might start a friendship. What is funny is when I talked to this kid he talked to the one behind him as well and another girl. Then we all seemed to be "friends" in that class the entire semester. If you have to initiate the conversation with someone good luck. I have no clue how to go about this yet others seem to do it so effortlessly. Anyways once again I am happy for you and your relationship, although like Pocketfox I am jealous. In the best way possible of course. I long to find someone who I feel comfortable with who would accept me for me. The search goes on I suppose.