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Well, I suppose I was first diagnosed at 15 when I spent 8 months in foster care. I didn't have as much social anxiety then, I could easily talk to strangers, but I was depressed about my situation. I was on Lexapro for about two months, but I felt like a zombie, so I refused to continue it. Every year that passed it became a little harder to talk to people. Around age 18 I was making a lot of friends by drinking and doing drugs to hang out with people. I was buying Klonopin and taking one a day for a while, and actually felt the urge to socialize, and almost no anxiety, even without drinking or any other substances.
After a couple years with a boyfriend who was controlling and verbally abusive, I was cut off from all the friends I had made. Once I got away from him, I hit the peak of my anxiety. I can barely mumble a response when someone I don't know talks to me. It's uncomfortable speaking to anyone except my boyfriend. Even my mom, his parents, old friends, I feel so awkward and shoot down anything I can think of to say in my head before I say it. It's not only the social thing, I regularly have a tightened feeling in my chest over nothing. Just a general sense of foreboding, no matter how well things are going.
I recently was forced into a substance abuse outpatient program (for marijuana) where I was prescribed Buspirone, but after three weeks of intense nausea I couldn't take it anymore.
I'd like to have a prescription for Klonopin, because it really helped a lot, but I can't make myself call a doctor to make an appointment. I hate talking to strangers on the phone. I can't even order pizza. Even if I did, it's not like I can say, 'Hey I used to buy this on the street, gimme a script!'.
I miss conversations. I miss human interaction that doesn't leave me feeling stupid and awkward. I miss not second guessing every word or thought that comes out of my mouth. Mostly I miss not feeling like there is something incredibly wrong with me.
 

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suh dude
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I'm sorry those things happened to you :( but it seems you are at a point in your life where you really wanna make a change, and that's definitely good! Welcome to the forums :)
 

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Welcome, Summerlee! :)
 

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SUS Member
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Hi Summerlee.

SA is very common so there's no need for you to feel alone. Lots of people are short but we don't blame them for it, so don't blame yourself for the social equivalent of being a shorty. The difference between you and most other people is you worry about how people will respond to what you say and they don't. Doesn't mean other people are smarter, it just means they don't care if what they say sounds stupid. If you said all the things you stopped yourself from saying people would probably think you were perfectly normal.
 
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