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Hello! After lurking on these forums for a tad I decided I'd better sign up to vent my frustration. I've never spoken to anyone about this, everyone just thinks I'm a bit shy and quiet. I'm 19 years old from South Australia. Now, onto the rant. Forgive my badly structured writing, I typed it out pretty fast.

I have never talked particularly much, except to my closest friends (most of
which I have now lost because they went their seperate ways). This only got
worse as I hit puberty, by first year of high school I was down to single-word
responses. I remember quite a few people (mostly girls, possibly initiating or
adding to my fear of talking to them) saying things like "wow, that's the first time I've ever heard you speak more than 1 sentence."

Public speaking, especially oral presentations at high school were the most
terrifying experiences ever, I went red, my voice was shaky, I was shaky :(. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this, even people without SA. However, I took action. I would actually skip classes and feign sickness for as long as I could to avoid confrontation, which played a small but significant part in leaving school in yr 11.

I now have trouble initiating and keeping conversations going, even to my closest friends. I often daydream/think of having long, intelligent conversations with them. I even think up the many sentences I'm going to say in said daydream, but when it comes to actually talking to the person my brain turns to mush. I can't think of the things I was thinking of saying earlier, and end up listening to THEM instead! It's extremely frustrating. There will be rare times when I feel "fired up" and have a very clear head, and can talk for up to half an hour, even in groups of people! These moments are extremely infrequent, and I find it very odd (they don't seem to relate to anything I have done on the day, such as having proper meals, excercising, or being in a good mood from something else). Could I have some other disorder?! Could eating and excercise habits be contributing to this, I quit all sport I was playing in about second year high school, and don't excerise much, if at all anymore. I don't have any weight problems though, and I'm somehow in decent/good shape, thankfully.

I have much the same thing talking to girls (haha good joke, I rarely ever talk to them except one who is a friend), except the anxiety is increased tenfold just because of the fact that my mind has already turned to mush from how beautiful they are. I'm terrified of talking to them face to face, and maintaining eye contact. Needless to say, I have never been in a relationship or even close to one. This is getting me down lately, as I have developed a strong desire to get be with someone over the past year, I didn't really mind before.

- I can have perfectly normal conversations over the internet with both genders.
- I am terrified of phone calls for reasons unknown, and try to avoid them
wherever possible.
- I have recently (past 2 years) started stuttering/mixing up words and
sentences while in conversation. Don't know how this started, not good.
- I HATE people watching me while I'm doing something i.e sport or other group activities. It cuts my ability of what I'm doing at the moment in half and I get very paranoid, shaky and anxious.
- Haven't been able to make any real close friends recently, but have a lot of
acquaintances?
- Parents split up when I was 16. Didn't see it coming at all, was especially
terrible being an only child. Lost about a year of my life to depression and turned into a hermit until recently when I moved out with a few friends. Definitely didn't help.

I quoted this from another post, it is quite similar to what I experience.

"So this is one of the major problems here, as I see it: I'm fine maintaining
conversation as long as I'm talking more or less at regular intervals. However, as soon as I am quiet for just a little too long, it becomes harder and harder to break back into the conversation. Afraid of being perceived as strange and sporadic, I regress into silence. Yet the longer I stay silent, the more my SA escalates. I begin to worry more and more about what they are thinking... 'why is he just sitting there? why isn't he saying anything?'"

Just thought I'd get all that out. Feels good man.

Thoughts?
 

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Hey ZX21 welcome. :)
 

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Welcome, ZX21! :)
 

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Hello and welcome
 

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:wel
 

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Hi ZX21, welcome to the site :)

Apart from your parents splitting up, I can relate to everything you have said, my life has been remarkably similar to how you have described yours. I'm glad you're trying to get past these problems now, I spent my whole 20s hiding away and only recently started trying to overcome my problems (i'm 31 now). Hopefully by the time you are my age you won't have these problems (or at least hopefully they won't be so bad) :)
 
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