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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When I'm in a relationship or just "seeing someone", I can get really nervous/jealous/possessive. These aren't good feelings, and so I almost never express them to the girl, but they can preoccupy me to the point of not getting anything else done.

Is this common with people who have social anxiety or does it have more to do with my past experiences? Would we feel more secure in relationships if we had other friends? Is there a way to express fear a little bit in order to get reassurance, without sounding pathetic? Is there a way to be reassured about a relationship without the feeling of reassurance fading away quickly?

The girl I'm seeing is ridiculously affectionate in a silly way, and makes me feel totally loved, happy, and secure when we're talking to each other, but within minutes of not talking, I become suspicious or worried. It's ridiculous and irrational, but I can't seem to kick it.
 

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I was this way a little bit with my first girlfriend. I got really anxious and insecure because she was my first gf. I was (and am still under) the belief that no one would love me. It is a feeling that I am trying to break.

She sounds like she is good to you, how long has this relationship lasted? I feel that if you stick with her that some of that anxiety and obsession go away, if not then break it off and start over.

We all get anxious in unfamiliar situations.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I was this way a little bit with my first girlfriend. I got really anxious and insecure because she was my first gf.
I was actually a lot more secure with my first girlfriend, before I lost my naive trust. :)

I was (and am still under) the belief that no one would love me. It is a feeling that I am trying to break.
I've never had that problem. :D I know that they really like me. I'm just really needy/dependent on them for happiness, since I don't have any other social network, so I fear abandonment. After a breakup I am miserable and listless for months. I shouldn't be like this.

She sounds like she is good to you, how long has this relationship lasted? I feel that if you stick with her that some of that anxiety and obsession go away, if not then break it off and start over.
I'm not sure it's even a "relationship" at this point. We've dated off and on for about 10 months. Right now it is going from off to on, I guess, and she's saying "I love you" again. It's pretty flaky. I'm too afraid to ask what she thinks of our "status", if she's seeing other people, etc. I guess ultimately it doesn't really matter, though. Mostly I should just stop worrying.
 

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When I'm in a relationship or just "seeing someone", I can get really nervous/jealous/possessive. These aren't good feelings, and so I almost never express them to the girl, but they can preoccupy me to the point of not getting anything else done.
I am the same way. But I also get way too nervous around girls, so I've never had any relationships. I will obsess about girls who give me a second glance.
 

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this.

I'm not sure it's even a "relationship" at this point. We've dated off and on for about 10 months. Right now it is going from off to on, I guess, and she's saying "I love you" again. It's pretty flaky. I'm too afraid to ask what she thinks of our "status", if she's seeing other people, etc. I guess ultimately it doesn't really matter, though. Mostly I should just stop worrying.
Well this sounds like the problem. Since you don't know where its going at this point, and she hasn't said anything about being an exclusive couple either, you rightly are not sure what she is doing herself. I don't think you will feel secure until you verbalize that what kind of relationship it is and are on the same page about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Well this sounds like the problem. Since you don't know where its going at this point, and she hasn't said anything about being an exclusive couple either, you rightly are not sure what she is doing herself. I don't think you will feel secure until you verbalize that what kind of relationship it is and are on the same page about it.
Yep. "The discussion" will happen sooner or later. :)

I'm like this in any relationship, though, "official" or otherwise. Being in one is like a drug, and when things are going well and are consistent, I'm relatively happy and content, and I can focus on other things in my life, be productive, get projects done, etc. It doesn't have to be a crazy passionate relationship; just something steady. But then if there's any variation from the routine, I get insecure and jealous and possessive, and can't think about anything else. Even if the worry is legitimate, it's still really stupid to become so obsessed with it. I envy the people who take relationships so casually.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
For the record, I got up the nerve to confront her and the "discussion" happened, and we broke up (in a peaceful and friendly way). We have a lot of chemistry, so I miss her, but the strongest emotion is relief that I don't have to worry about things anymore.
 
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