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HeavyDirtySøul
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't know where to start.. I guess Im just really really insecure about everything. Literally. I feel like I don't do anything right, even super simple things. It ties into my anxiety and I just get too nervous and freak out if I have to do anything I feel Im not confident in. Which is a lot. So basically, Im extremely restricted and most things I do, I do alone. If that makes sense. Soooo.. with that being said. I CANT play multiplayer games.. even though I know no one will know who I am or really judge me, I just freak out and cant do it. Which sucks. I know a lot of people on here have really low self esteem, but it seems no one else has this problem! So Idk. I just wanted to talk about it, and ask if there is anyone out there who feels the same. About just being insecure and/or gaming I guess.

Meh posting this makes me embarrassed. Lol. No turning back now :b
 

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You can't play multiplayer games cause of insecurity/SA?

Interesting.... Could you explain more about how you feel about it?
 

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Greenmail
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yes. I have a perfectionist side of my ocd. I dont like playing a game if I suck at it. When I party with others online I worry about upsetting them by not being good enough. Thats why I usually solo.

I also get worried abotu many things in general. Usually if i dont know enough or if I want something, it makes me anxious.
 

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Haruhi
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570 Posts
i am in same position pretty much, can't talk on microphone which sadly all serious things on multiplayer games require these days. Also can not speak up (typing) to join anything during online games (mmorpgs).

If somewhat makes you feel a bit more at ease, from my entire life of gaming as far as i can tell, girls are pretty much worshiped online, tho that may add more pressure but gives you the upper hand in some ways.
 

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HeavyDirtySøul
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
yes. I have a perfectionist side of my ocd. I dont like playing a game if I suck at it. When I party with others online I worry about upsetting them by not being good enough. Thats why I usually solo.

I also get worried abotu many things in general. Usually if i dont know enough or if I want something, it makes me anxious.
That's exactly how I am. Ill do whatever and play whatever I want if Im alone.. but if its multiplayer or Im with someone else, I just cant. I freak out and think that everyone is going to judge me. Which is totally ridiculous, but its completely warped my mind. I cant make myself realize that no one really cares. Lol. Outside gaming, Im the same with anything I don't feel like I know how to do already. Even the smallest of things. I guess Im just always terrified of people thinking "wow shes stupid" so I make sure no one would ever be able to think that and never do new things publicly. Maybe its because I was bullied badly as a child. Idk. Im not really sure what you mean when you say you get anxious when you want something though.
 

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Powerful Beyond Measure
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120 Posts
You have no need to feel embarrassed, I used to struggle playing online games to the point my hands would shake! Almost made it impossible to enjoy the games and when people started talking to me i would be too afraid to talk back and feel like a right ignorant person. I mostly struggled playing in team games where people relied upon me and would judge me or act like idiots if I made mistakes, also ranked games of some kind as I was afraid of being bottom and feeling stupid.

HOWEVER the light at the end of the tunnel was the more I played the easier it got, kinda like exposure for online video games. Playing online is social and with the leaderboards etc can be quite daunting if you struggle with confidence and if you avoid social situations it can be quite hard to get used too but it does get easier the more you do it as with most things.

Is there anybody you feel comfortable with that can join you in some games to help you relax a bit?
 

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HeavyDirtySøul
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5,969 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
i am in same position pretty much, can't talk on microphone which sadly all serious things on multiplayer games require these days. Also can not speak up (typing) to join anything during online games (mmorpgs).

If somewhat makes you feel a bit more at ease, from my entire life of gaming as far as i can tell, girls are pretty much worshiped online, tho that may add more pressure but gives you the upper hand in some ways.
...Really? I thought it was the opposite. Just because there aren't a ton of girl gamers, I figured they were looked down upon :sus
 

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HeavyDirtySøul
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
You have no need to feel embarrassed, I used to struggle playing online games to the point my hands would shake! Almost made it impossible to enjoy the games and when people started talking to me i would be too afraid to talk back and feel like a right ignorant person. I mostly struggled playing in team games where people relied upon me and would judge me or act like idiots if I made mistakes, also ranked games of some kind as I was afraid of being bottom and feeling stupid.

HOWEVER the light at the end of the tunnel was the more I played the easier it got, kinda like exposure for online video games. Playing online is social and with the leaderboards etc can be quite daunting if you struggle with confidence and if you avoid social situations it can be quite hard to get used too but it does get easier the more you do it as with most things.

Is there anybody you feel comfortable with that can join you in some games to help you relax a bit?
Yeah exposure is probably the only real fix. I just cant get myself to sign in! I don't know how you did it lol. I don't really have anyone to hang out with to help me feel less nervous. My boyfriend always gets upset that I wont play anything with him, because he knows I want to but am too nervous. He doesn't have anxiety, and hes pretty confident.. so he really doesn't get it. :/
 

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Haruhi
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570 Posts
they may be joked behind there back like what you're worried of. like "why was trent turned down for this group because a girl wanted to play, she doesn't even keybind!"

so theres good and bad ways of looking at it. a girl is considered rare and generally gets lots of attention. good and also bad.

if someone were to speak up like "why is she with us, she sucks!" - you'll have pretty much every guy backing you up.

but i am not much of a gamer these days but my 7 years of WoW before i quit i only ever saw 2 times when a girl was pointed out for a mistake or being bad.

but basically i still stand by that girls are "worshiped" a experienced player would be turned down for a girl who doesn't even know what keybinding is.

sorry if sounded a lil guy vs girlish but yeah in my honest opinion depending on the game you're playing, a girl has a pretty smooth run when it comes to online games, if you can put up with the 24/7 flirting/sexual comments.
 

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Powerful Beyond Measure
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120 Posts
Yeah exposure is probably the only real fix. I just cant get myself to sign in! I don't know how you did it lol. I don't really have anyone to hang out with to help me feel less nervous. My boyfriend always gets upset that I wont play anything with him, because he knows I want to but am too nervous. He doesn't have anxiety, and hes pretty confident.. so he really doesn't get it. :/
My desire to dominate was too high to not do it :p I think what you're doing is building it into a huge mountain and the more you avoid it or say no the bigger its going to get if that makes sense. I know its not easy but maybe next time you're feeling good you should take advantage and sign in and play a couple of games, just say **** it! :boogie
 

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I know how you feel! Every time I play online I can't play team games because I feel if I'm not topping the team I failed them somehow. I NEVER talk to randoms online because I know how unpredictable people can be, especially online. Lately I've tried joining a MMORPG and I couldn't even talk to people online (And all those who know internet games, they are more fun online).

Also my perfectionism has led to me playing games I KNOW I can win. For example, I can't play Halo 4 because I just don't spend enough time playing it to be the "best" in my matches. On the other hand I enjoy games like Forza 4 and Minecraft because I can either play and improve offline which means I don't let other people down or the other option is that I don't even need to play online.

SA sucks hey?
 

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Should make a gaming group here to play so that you guys can play with eachother without feeling so bad about it then.


I guess?
 

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Frustration in my blood.
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I understand completely. I often fear competition because of it, I don't feel like I can ever be to par in video games, though I love and play fighting games all the time. I also play multiple card games- which although I'm much more confident in, I get so clumsy when I'm upset about a game not at all going in my favor- not even my opponent beating me, losing without being able to do anything at all. I'm very hard on myself in that regard because I actually feel as thought I put a lot of time into the practice portion of the game. I will spend nights before a big tournament doing ****tons of research, and when I don't perform well, I feel very inadequate for the game. In fighting games, the mere thought of the opponent possibly being better than me makes me forget combos and setups I normally can do with my eyes closed.

Last tourney I went to I had a even win lose at the end of the day, but the games I lost, I didn't even get to play, my deck just wouldn't perform how I wanted it- I knew this could only be do to the last minute changes, so I could only blame myself for revoking a week of testing with 1 day of brainstorming.

The gaming group idea sounds really good. Anyone have a PS3 with Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 or Persona4 the Arena?
 

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neurotic to the bone
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1,434 Posts
I don't know where to start.. I guess Im just really really insecure about everything. Literally. I feel like I don't do anything right, even super simple things. It ties into my anxiety and I just get too nervous and freak out if I have to do anything I feel Im not confident in. Which is a lot. So basically, Im extremely restricted and most things I do, I do alone. If that makes sense. Soooo.. with that being said. I CANT play multiplayer games.. even though I know no one will know who I am or really judge me, I just freak out and cant do it. Which sucks. I know a lot of people on here have really low self esteem, but it seems no one else has this problem! So Idk. I just wanted to talk about it, and ask if there is anyone out there who feels the same. About just being insecure and/or gaming I guess.

Meh posting this makes me embarrassed. Lol. No turning back now :b
I have a similar but slightly different issue. I do play multiplayer games online, but depending on the game, I rage out if I don't do as well as I thought I should have lol. Its like I don't want to accept the fact that there are people who are better than me.
 

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uggla
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I know exactly what you mean. When I've played mmorpgs I've often chosen to level my character alone even if that provides less exp(just so others won't have to depend on me and vice versa). I'm uncomfortable with doing things that I don't feel fully confident with in front of others(combined with high expectations of myself). It's so stupid.
 

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♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
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No way in hell I will ever participate in a multiplayer game. :afr Not only for practical reasons (lousy Internet connection, limited online time, my computer's probably not up to par, no microphone or whatever is required), but for all kinds of anxiety-related reasons...I don't play well with others, I'm rather stupid when it comes to games and learning all the rules so fast, and I'm a very, very poor loser. Cripes, the only computer games I do play are relatively simple hidden-object games and I STILL get frustrated with the puzzles I can't solve, it's only lately that I've stopped throwing fits over them :blush but they still get on my nerves and make me feel really stupid when I can't figure them out. I loathe action and arcade-style games where you have to think and act fast...I could just never handle it. Unfortunately most games seem to be along those lines nowadays, which is why whenever people here list the games they play, I'm the only one playing the hidden-object things and I haven't even heard of most of the stuff other people are playing. :|

Plus, yes, my social anxiety would prevent it...I have trouble even with e-mails, how could I possibly tolerate playing a game with numerous other people?? :afr Especially since I'd suck at it so much and probably make other people lose or whatever.

It's okay though, I don't have much interest in most of these games, haven't money for the ones that require memberships/subscriptions, and I spend enough time online, I don't want to get addicted to anything else!
 

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OP, you know you can look up guides online right? Written ones, and videos if you do a search for them on youtube. Sometimes watching others who are skilled can give you some ideas and understanding. If there's a single player mode, get some practice in that first.

I think once you get into it, you'll realize games, like the internet, are a great source of freedom where you can escape your anxiety with the cloak of anonymity and let your true self come out. There aren't really consequences on here, it's a bunch of pixels on a screen. If you did screw up and other people got mad, that just shows a weakness in them, that they can't accept that there are people of varying skill levels and experience.

May I ask what games you're considering?

I play a fiercely competitive game called Bloodline Champions, people rage at each other on there. It's a team game, so if you perform badly, generally your teammates will suffer as well. I've been called every name in the book, told to uninstall, screamed at in ALL CAPS, talked down to, insulted, ect. It only slightly annoys me now. And it teaches me something about myself, how to handle adversity, how to let go of things outside my control, how to be above silly arguments.
 

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Greenmail
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4,205 Posts
I dont understand why you are ashamed of playing with bf though? He knows you aren't good so he cant blame you if he dies.

also why can't you play and solo? You aren't actually hurting anyone else. all you need to remember is if someone else is attacking a monster, dont attack it. This is KS or kill steal. Get your own monsters to attack and your golden. No one will even care how much you suck if you are soloing.
 
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