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Geese
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20,768 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is a rather large issue of mine. I NEVER initiate conversations with people online, be it msn, facebook chat or whatever. I fear that they will not want to talk and therefore I will feel like an idiot and rejected. Once someone initiates it with me then I am fine, I will chat the roof off but only because I know they want to have a conversation.

Anyone else have this issue? Even now there is someone on facebook chat I want to talk to but unless they initiate the convo I am not going to say anything.... The exception is if I have a strong reason to talk like info for an event or whatever but if it is just random chit chat I have nothing :(

Silly.
 

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7,435 Posts
Yeah I have this too, but its not just online for me. All my real life and online friendships have kinda started when the other person initiated the interaction, thus letting me know they want to talk to me; that I am welcome.

In a way, when they initiate, it's like saying they accept me for who I am and that puts me at an immense ease. When I initiate I have no idea what they think of me, so it freaks me out. Will I make their minimum standard for interaction? Am I good enough for them to talk to me? Will I be interesting enough? etc etc.

I guess this becomes a re-inforcing pattern, at least in my case. Because I only talk to people who initiated the convo in the first place this 'strategy' (of waiting for people to initiate) seems to achieve a high success rate compared to when I approach people. When I approach, there are going to be those times when the other person may not be too responsive towards me. Because I exaggerate negative experiences these 'rejections' will play on my mind a lot more and make me fear approaching people.
 

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In hiding
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1,455 Posts
It's more that I start convos online but then they don't answer (for awhile at least) and I feel bad about myself. Even when they are actually talking to me sometimes I'll feel like I'm being too enthusiastic and annoying. Sometimes I'll even voice this to them though and they'll tell me I'm not, so that's okay.

And when people I like are online and don't start convos with me, I feel kinda offended.
 

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Geese
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20,768 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yeah that is the other thing, when someone in particular does not initiate a convo with me I feel crappy, but it's SO hypocritical since I do exactly the same thing.
 

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Geese
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20,768 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
lol touche, in chat I have no problem though lolz.
 

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herp derp
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2,347 Posts
I only ever initiate a conversation if I actually have something to say, as in, a request or am informing them of something etc. I will never initiate a conversation for the sake of a conversation, as in, ask "how are you" and then the conversation will continue meekly from there.
 

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Banned
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177,223 Posts
I don't like starting a conversation online it never seems to go well, I let them start it which means it almost never happens so I sit there with nothing to do but watch other people chat so eventally I get bored and leave.
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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19,064 Posts
I'm always on msn & the one thing that gets me is if I chat with someone regularly enough but they never start a conversation. I like to know that the person actually wants to talk to me rather than just be someone who pesters them.

When it comes to people coming online but not messaging me I don't worry too much because it's like anything, I don't expect to chat every time, just regularly. Plus I'm online all the time but don't always have things to say so I would assume it's like that for other SASer's
 

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Boredom is Killing Me
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273 Posts
I am the exact same way. Never start a convo especially since everytime I tried the convo only lasted a couple of minuts if that
 

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Nowhere Man
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2,415 Posts
This is situation is staring me in the face right now. I have now started talking to the person, but they're not replying. :(
 

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I'm wary of bugging people who aren't interested in talking to me, but personally I'm happy to start chats.

I couldn't even count how many times I've sent an instant message to someone saying, "Hey how you doing?" and they've said, "Great, be right back" and then not come back... I could have felt rejected but I don't, and it's just as well too, because they always get back to me eventually. I have this one friend I've known for years and we used to be close, but we drifted apart a bit, and I never text him but I email him sometimes and he is hard to get hold of. So many times I've thought, "Ahh forget it, he doesn't want to keep in touch with me any more", and so I've stopped contacting him all together and then a month later he will surprise me with an email or text saying, "Hey whatsup! Where have you been hiding?! Long time no speak!" or whatever.

The moral of the story perhaps, is that our condition makes us kinda negative about this stuff, so we should try to look at things more positively and realistically. If they blow you off, chances are they just can't talk at that moment, and there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe they are busy cooking, maybe they need a pee, maybe they are trying to watch porn and their mother/wife/whoever is due home soon :p

Alternatively theres a tiny chance they don't want to talk to you, and then so what? There's people I wouldn't want to talk to either, not everyone gets on with everyone, and for every rare occasion that you come across someone who doesn't want to talk to you, there's probably a million people who would welcome a chat. I wouldn't dwell on that one person because they are probably not worth worrying about anyway.
 

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A good thing to remember when chatting in a text format, whether it be online or in a text message is that it can be really hard to interpret what is going on in the other person's head. You don't have the ability to pick up on subconscious cues that let you read the situation as much as a face to face conversation or even on the phone.

I've made the mistake of misreading other's intentions and thoughts only to find out later I was way off. It can cause a lot of unnecessary over-thinking.

Try to get out of your head when you are wanting to initiate a chat with someone. Just say "hi" and tell yourself that it doesn't matter how the conversation goes.
 

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Extreme Racing Driver
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39 Posts
Ospi initiate conversation with me on msn or else I will initiate conversation with you by ridiculing Webber!:clap
 

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I was just gonna make a thread about this :yes

I joined a few networking sites (mainly for practice) and i just don't know what to say. Like i'm not sure how direct i should be, if i see someone i like should i go straight to the point and say "you're hot" or something or start off slowly :|

This is mainly just for practice i can't really see myself seeing anyone offline but i need to get better at this talking online stuff..
 

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The Tragic Princess
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719 Posts
It's more that I start convos online but then they don't answer (for awhile at least) and I feel bad about myself. Even when they are actually talking to me sometimes I'll feel like I'm being too enthusiastic and annoying. Sometimes I'll even voice this to them though and they'll tell me I'm not, so that's okay.

And when people I like are online and don't start convos with me, I feel kinda offended.
^^These things happen to me a lot as well :(
This one guy I really liked is on AIM all the time and he has only started one IM with me and I'd force myself to start some and now we don't talk at all....makes me sad and kinda makes me angry at him. Sometimes he'd talk enthusiastically and then just stop talking and I having SA didn't really know what to make out of that. I even don't like going on AIM sometimes cus I feel like just being on will be bothering him, but I am fighting thru that feeling and just staying on cus I mean, even if he is bothered, it's my AIM and I have a right to be on as much as he does....that usually helps me when I put it all in rational terms. Anyway, the biggest way to get over SA is to face it head on, so force yourself to start some conversations.
 

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I am Jack's wasted life.
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376 Posts
Yep, I have this problem too. I guess that's why I don't have very many online friends either. :(
 
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