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I've been hiding my depression from my psychiatrist since I was 16 and placed in an inpatient psych ward for a suicide attempt. I really don't feel like I can trust psychiatrists with my feelings of depression, because I am insanely afraid of being put into a psych ward again. As far as my psychiatrist knows, I no longer have depression.

Recently, I've been getting more physical symptoms of either depression or anxiety, I have no idea which one it stems from. Basically, I've lost my appetite and my ability to sleep. I've started losing a good bit of weight (approx. 20 lbs in three weeks). I know this isn't anorexia nervosa, because I don't lose weight consciously, it just happens because I'm eating much less or straight-up forgetting to eat.

I have episodes of extreme depression, where I just lock myself in my room and start hysterically crying (similar to, but different from my panic attacks, my depression episodes stem from complete hopelessness and general self-hatred and there's usually no anxiety involved at all).

The thing is that my depression doesn't last much longer than a few days, but it's much more intense than I remember it being back in high school.

I have theories:
-I'm getting melancholic depression (intense depression with insomnia and loss of appetite). But then why is it so episodic with me?
-I'm inheriting my dad's GAD.
-Bipolar? (I highly doubt this, because I've never experienced anything close to a manic episode, I don't think).
-It's just SA getting worse.
-It's normal university stress.

Does anyone here have melancholic depression? How did you/your doctor realize it was different from basic depression? Could this be completely normal, after all?

I have to go to a diagnostician this summer to get SA and ADD accommodations at school anyway (I need a more recent diag.), so I think I'll actually be honest with the diagnostician and see what they come up with.
 

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Hey bezoomny. When I read your post, it reminded me of this article/site I read recently so thought I'd linky it for you.

This is a quote from the site ~

Many people have figured out that they have a complicated depression that seems to keep changing, or cycle up and down, or keep returning. They even wonder if they might be "manic-depressive". But then they say to themselves "That can't be - I've never had a manic episode!"
And this is the link. Don't know if it will help you any, I hope so, but it's an interesting read nonetheless.

As far as discussing it with a doc, I'm thinking honesty is probably the way to go...not that I can talk, I just tell 'em what they want to hear so they can tell themselves how clever they are to have such a well-adjusted patient, then I can get the hell out of there.
 
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