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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I can't stand it! Everywhere I go, I make a fool out of myself with everything I do - even just standing in line I start shaking, and then I rock back and forth like crazy and make a fool out of myself.

A couple hours ago I was at the library and after choosing some stuff to check out I realized that I forgot my library card. I finally forced myself to go up to the librarian, and she first asked if I had my card. I remember it took me like 10 seconds to reply - I was shaking so much. Next she asked for my name and I just gave her my first name... who would do that? Then she asked for my birthday and I forgot to tell her the year, and then when she asked for the year I stammered all the numbers and she had to ask again. Next she asked for my phone number, and of course I mumbled the whole thing and had to repeat it. At the end when she asked to have my stack of books, I just tried to hand them to her instead of setting them down on the counter. And then when she said thank you I just walked away and pretended I didn't hear her.

This is just my most recent experience, but it's constant wherever I go. I'm scared just walking around my neighbourhood because people might be looking out their windows at me. And if I see someone else walking I have to turn around and walk the other way.

My social anxiety is so severe and I'm really scared that it will never go away (I'm 16 and I've always had it. My parents had to pull me out of second grade because of it so I've been homeschooled ever since). I really don't know what to do. Where do I start?
 

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All these "mistakes" you are making are just showing you how inferior you feel to everyone else. There is a lot about you that you sweep under the rug and feel ashamed of and that is why you feel so nervous around others; because any wrong move and they may find out your dark side.

Until you value yourself and see that there is nothing wrong with you, these situations will continue. When you decide to value yourself, you will be much more relaxed around others because you won't feel so vulnerable. Once you love and accept every single "weakness" and "embarrassing" experiences just for what they are, other peoples criticisms fly right through you leaving you unharmed. Once you have the courage to stop any kind of "self-improvement" (i.e. forcing yourself to socialize, pretending to be nice, studying how to be confident) and instead love yourself for everything, your authentic self will surface and will attract many people into your life that love you for who you are.

I know this sound very idealist and cliche but it is one of the hardest things for people to do because they think that if they accept their SA or bad qualities, they are surrendering and won't be able to live the life they truly want. Accepting everything about yourself will dismantle the negative energy you carry with you constantly and allow an influx of fresh new positive energy that shapes you in the the person you actually want to be.

Hope that helps!
 

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I can't stand it! Everywhere I go, I make a fool out of myself with everything I do - even just standing in line I start shaking, and then I rock back and forth like crazy and make a fool out of myself.

A couple hours ago I was at the library and after choosing some stuff to check out I realized that I forgot my library card. I finally forced myself to go up to the librarian, and she first asked if I had my card. I remember it took me like 10 seconds to reply - I was shaking so much. Next she asked for my name and I just gave her my first name... who would do that? Then she asked for my birthday and I forgot to tell her the year, and then when she asked for the year I stammered all the numbers and she had to ask again. Next she asked for my phone number, and of course I mumbled the whole thing and had to repeat it. At the end when she asked to have my stack of books, I just tried to hand them to her instead of setting them down on the counter. And then when she said thank you I just walked away and pretended I didn't hear her.

This is just my most recent experience, but it's constant wherever I go. I'm scared just walking around my neighbourhood because people might be looking out their windows at me. And if I see someone else walking I have to turn around and walk the other way.

My social anxiety is so severe and I'm really scared that it will never go away (I'm 16 and I've always had it. My parents had to pull me out of second grade because of it so I've been homeschooled ever since). I really don't know what to do. Where do I start?
I think you made a great start with the librarian.

Do you realize how much thinking and worrying you were doing? There was so much extra brain activity that could be used on other things. We miss out on life because we are so preoccupied with worry.

So you were nervous, it's okay - if anyone really noticed, they would more than likely try to help you out than laugh.

You should practice more. Go to a store and buy one item - with a cashier. Then, go one time and browse without buying anything - that's a test, too.

It builds on itself like an exercise program.
 

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All these "mistakes" you are making are just showing you how inferior you feel to everyone else. There is a lot about you that you sweep under the rug and feel ashamed of and that is why you feel so nervous around others; because any wrong move and they may find out your dark side.

Until you value yourself and see that there is nothing wrong with you, these situations will continue. When you decide to value yourself, you will be much more relaxed around others because you won't feel so vulnerable. Once you love and accept every single "weakness" and "embarrassing" experiences just for what they are, other peoples criticisms fly right through you leaving you unharmed. Once you have the courage to stop any kind of "self-improvement" (i.e. forcing yourself to socialize, pretending to be nice, studying how to be confident) and instead love yourself for everything, your authentic self will surface and will attract many people into your life that love you for who you are.

I know this sound very idealist and cliche but it is one of the hardest things for people to do because they think that if they accept their SA or bad qualities, they are surrendering and won't be able to live the life they truly want. Accepting everything about yourself will dismantle the negative energy you carry with you constantly and allow an influx of fresh new positive energy that shapes you in the the person you actually want to be.

Hope that helps!
SAers catastrophize . We think the worst all the time, and it was no big deal. The librarian has since long forgotten this, but the OP could be worrying about this for hours, or days. That's the kind of thinking we need to learn to break.

NOBODY is perfect and everyone has issues......for us, how we think determines how we feel.
 

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All these "mistakes" you are making are just showing you how inferior you feel to everyone else. There is a lot about you that you sweep under the rug and feel ashamed of and that is why you feel so nervous around others; because any wrong move and they may find out your dark side.

Until you value yourself and see that there is nothing wrong with you, these situations will continue. When you decide to value yourself, you will be much more relaxed around others because you won't feel so vulnerable. Once you love and accept every single "weakness" and "embarrassing" experiences just for what they are, other peoples criticisms fly right through you leaving you unharmed. Once you have the courage to stop any kind of "self-improvement" (i.e. forcing yourself to socialize, pretending to be nice, studying how to be confident) and instead love yourself for everything, your authentic self will surface and will attract many people into your life that love you for who you are.

I know this sound very idealist and cliche but it is one of the hardest things for people to do because they think that if they accept their SA or bad qualities, they are surrendering and won't be able to live the life they truly want. Accepting everything about yourself will dismantle the negative energy you carry with you constantly and allow an influx of fresh new positive energy that shapes you in the the person you actually want to be.

Hope that helps!
But what if the very thing that makes us feel inferior is our SAD?
 

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I remember feeling like this in my early to mid 20's. I was so scared of everything and everybody.

I think the feeling goes away over time, but you need to work at it. When you get older, it helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I remember feeling like this in my early to mid 20's. I was so scared of everything and everybody.

I think the feeling goes away over time, but you need to work at it. When you get older, it helps.
Yes I hope it will get better as I get older. The thing that worries me is that the teen/early adult years seem the most important for making friends and meeting people.
 

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But what if the very thing that makes us feel inferior is our SAD?
You accept and love every aspect of your SAD that you find "bad." For example, in the past when my SA was bad, I feared talking to people because I was so afraid of coming off boring. I hated getting into useless bland conversations and so when I was ever faced in social situations, my anxiety would trigger and just as I expected: all of my conversations were boring. It wasn't until I fully accepted and owned my blandness that the anxiety went away and I felt much more free around people. The expectation of needing to be interesting left me and allowed me to speak more freely and spontaneously as a result. I did not fear boring conversations anymore and this brings you peace.

So whatever symptoms you don't like about SAD, accept it and own it. Once you have done so, the negative energies start to dissipate and your creativity begins to increase. Stop trying self-improvement techniques that give you the illusion that you aren't good enough right now and need to practice and force yourself to be good at something else. People keep asking "how do I stop being shy?" and the answer is always "When you totally love and accept it" but unfortunately many are caught up in creating more resistance to themselves by "forcing yourself to go out" or "do something embarrassing".

You feel a certain way for a reason. If you feel anxious around people, understand the deep seated reasons why and learn to accept them and you will grow. Don't just think "well I have SAD so I am going to force myself to socialize more and hopefully that will cure me" because it won't. Give yourself full permission to be a p****, shy, nervous, boring, etc. Don't reject them. Embrace them and whichever one of these qualities that isn't necessary for continued growth will wither away on its own instead of you fighting it.

Take care.
 
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