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I really am, and it's pretty severe. The only time I'm comfortable around somebody is if they're a close family member or friend, and only if it's one person at a time. If it's more than one person, even if it's close friends and family, I'm deathly quiet and I try to avoid interaction.

In groups, it's even worse - going through school, all the way back since maybe first grade, I've been petrified of getting in group assignments. I honestly work better on my own, and any time a group assignment is forced upon us, my heart starts racing and I get really nervous. I feel worse when I'm placed in a group when it was a "choose-your-own-group" type of assignment, because then I'm more of a burden than an asset.

At first, I thought it was just me being shy, but surely it's much more than that because shy people just tend to be quieter and introverted, they're not necessarily having panic attacks at the mere thought of interacting with someone they don't know. I've never had a full-blown panic attack, myself, but it's gotten pretty close - sometimes I'll start shaking, nearly hyperventilating, or sweating (usually when I have to lead or represent a group I couldn't help much with because I'm way too anxious).

I could honestly write entire novels about the weird quirks and things I do just to avoid interacting with people, but it'd be no more different than what you normally see around here. For a better look at my symptoms, check out the list of symptoms on the Wikipedia article on Avoidant Personality Disorder. I fit every single one of those symptoms to a T, and to a very extreme degree. (I don't believe I have AvPD since Wikipedia isn't 100% trustworthy, but I do believe I have some form of SA)

My problem is this: I'm too scared to see a doctor. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I do know this isn't normal and I should do something about it. I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to bring it up, or what they can do for me. I have a regular checkup on Monday, and I was considering bringing this up at the appointment, I don't know what to say.

I don't even know if I can afford help. Everything I'm doing is covered by Medicaid, but does if I have to get therapy or drugs for this kind of this, is that also covered? I'm not familiar with Medicaid's policy... and I'm obviously too scared to ask.
 
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