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This is my first post! I'm a social anxietic or whatever. Haven't read any of the other posts here so I can't fault anyone for not reading this.
I have no idea what went wrong or where, but I do know that I've been an odd one since I was little. Never knew how to talk to girls, was real into computers, running around and being a kid etc. Also there was a long history of being awkward, having few close friends (compared to some that's a lot), and being misunderstood. Once middle school rolled around and boys and girls started going out I was set up with a girl I barely knew and never talked to, she was also low on the social ladder.
To add to the mix, I was raised Methodist. Therefore, until about age 13 I was an obedient and faithful follower, despite the fact that church was incredibly boring. Maybe it was the church's influence, maybe it was me, but I never got in trouble, fought with any kids, stayed out late (no place to go), or gave my parents a headache. Not to say things were perfect, but how much trouble can you get into when you go through your day like a mute?
High school was an interesting mix, I went on a church trip because I had nothing to do and ended up accepting Jesus in the summer between freshman and sophomore years. It was authentic, and in this time though I still was clueless about girls, I was happy and had a bit of confidence that attracted a few girls to me. Naturally, the downside is that my faith wouldn't let me date a non-believer, which these girls were. I had one girlfriend in high school that was the one I fell head over heels for, that was done by Junior year. Next was a girl I met just before going to college 1000 miles from home who started going to my church when she heard about my rule and got the holy ghost.. we started going out off and on as soon as I came home.
Fast forward a couple years and I've come to shirk faith, lost that girlfriend to my best friend, lost my father in a car accident, started drinking and eventually got a DUI, and am down once again to a handful of friends. I don't blame anyone else for these things.
During my Junior year of college I studied abroad in Barcelona, Spain for a semester, and my social anxiety kept me alone in my room playing sudoku, smoking mota (read: hash), and reading. Meanwhile everyone on the trip was going to bars, hooking up, and having the time of their lives, all the while giving me several chances to join with them which for some goddamn reason I didn't take them up on. There was even this beautiful girl I noticed in the Dublin airport who turned out to not just be going to Barcelona, but was part of our group, and she liked me! HOW did I mess THAT one up!!? I don't even know why I bring it all up except to say that my 20's have been without a doubt the worst years of my life on the whole. I turn 25 in three weeks.

Over the past months I graduated from college and began an audio series on overcoming social anxiety by Dr. Richards. It has helped, to a noticeable degree! I'm taking it slow through the sessions and I don't practice the handouts as much as I should, but the more I do the better I feel. I come here partly to vent, partly to get help through everyone's experience, and to see what people like me are going through. Seriously, before I found out that SA was a diagnosis with people suffering through it all around the world, I felt like there was no way I'd live to be an old man because as soon as my Mom died I'd be free to kill myself. Or worse, that I WOULD live to be 85 like my dad's mother and my mom's father, all the while watching my life go un-lived until time did the job.

Well I guess that's it for now, bit of a random assortment of history, but there'll be more to come :)
 

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Hey TallBoy :wel
 

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hey, I enjoyed reading your post. It sounds like youve done quite a bit of living in your 25ish years. Always remember that your best years are not the ones behind you but the ones in the making- it's all about potential. Of course it's easy to blame yourself for mistakes and missed opportunities in hindsight, but the majority of our bad feelings have nothing to do with actual events but how we chose to perceive them.
 

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Welcome, TallBoy!

I recently lost my father as well - heart attack. This alone was a kick in the @$$. I had to learn to be sufficient on my own. For the most part, I am, but there is always room for improvement. :lol.

Like you, I have always had trouble with maintaining friendships and the like. People would invite me out to stuff and I would not go - initially due to all of the nerves I would have to deal with during and after. :stu

Anyway, I also have the CDs of Dr. Richards and Lucinda Bassett. :lol
 

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:wel
 
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