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I'm feeling such a range of emotions right now. I'm in exams right now, and they make me a little loopy (just to note), but I'm also feeling stress and anxiety about so many other things. Schools ending, meaning I'll have to work at a job for the summer. I pretty much go through the same range of emotions every single year... it's getting monotonous. Stress and anxiety from school, and then stress and anxiety from summer work. I get stress and anxiety from pretty much everything and anything. But right now I'm just sad about the big picture that is my life. It's so hard for me to find happiness. Even when I do, it's short lived and few and far between. I have huge body issues.. including a life consuming obsession to lose weight. Right now I'm not at the weight that I think I need to be, and that limits me ten times more than social anxiety ever could or will (just to give you a picture of how serious my emotions towards weight are). I deprive myself of friendships and possible relationships because I don't want to accept a life at "this weight". Ugh it's really complicated so I'm sure a lot of other people don't understand what I'm talking about.

I'm also extremely jealous of a lot of other people and their seemingly well-rounded, friend filled lives. I do very well in school and people always refer to me as the smart one, but I'm beginning to wonder if I've sacrificed everything for school. I'm beginning to wonder if any of what I do is worth while anymore. But without school I have no identity and I would have nothing. It's so hard to explain 'my life story' without getting into a novel's worth of writings... but to sum it up, I deprive myself of friendships because I feel that I'm not skinny enough. For some reason or another, I'm not at the weight I want to be at. Also, I have heavily depended on food to make school less stressful. Since the beginning of April, I have been doing pretty good... restricting and exercising WHILE studying for exams. Something that is very rare for me, and something that requires all my effort.

But I tend to eat when I'm lonely, and I've isolated myself due to exams, so now I have been depressed and have been slipping the past few days. I've been caged in my room like an animal it feels. I haven't had any contact with the outside world except for my mom. Ah I don't even know if these are big problems really, now that I'm writing them down. People have far worse problems than me. Yet these seemingly insignificant problems have ruled my life for many years. It's like I'm stuck in a nightmare, a viscious circle that I can't pull myself out of. And for some reason it all boils down to needing to weight 110 pounds... but I can't for the life of me, "motivate" (is that the word I'm looking for?) myself to get down to 110 pounds because I'm not eating disordered enough.. if that makes sense... okay I'm done now. Hope some of this makes sense.
 

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You know I admire you for doing well at school. Yes, others might have more fun but in future your dreams can only be realized if you have a strong educational foundation. Do not give that up just because of "being normal" sake. Youth is the best time to learn all you can.

Social activities take second priority - but you can alleviate your anxiety a bit by participating in study groups or such. Make it so that you look out for the weaker students in your class and encourage them to do as well as you.

That way your talents are more rewarded and recognized by your peers. Remember, life is about opportunity - sieze it, and do not fall for hedonistic pleasures :)
 

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The end of school year is definately a tough time. Try and not be so hard on yourself about your weight. If you don't feel good on the inside, then what people see on the outside won't mean a thing.
 

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I'm struggling with this at school myself. I agree with calexandre. As difficult as it is, stay focused and try not to get too distracted by others around you. After all or most of these people are gone, you'll be on your way to your career goals. :)
 

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PreciousGleamingMcNugget
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I know what you mean about the studying/losing weight difficulty. When I've done a lot of hard schoolwork, I really want to reward myself with food. And being in college leads to lots of hard schoolwork, which leads to lots of wanting to eat. It's hard to lose weight. When you're upset about SA issues on top of it.....FAAAAIIILLL.

I used to think that I didn't want to get involved in a new stage of life, either, "at this weight." I know what that's like. But I also found out that I didn't have much if any success over SA when I lost the weight I wanted to. It was like...it didn't matter how good I looked, I was still mentally screwed up so there was no point.
 

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I was still mentally screwed up so there was no point.
Lol you're not screwed up lol

What I do is don't stop eating but don't stop exercising and running around either. It's natural to want food when stressed :3
 

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I stress eat too when feeling just about any negative emotion so youre not alone.
 

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"but I'm beginning to wonder if I've sacrificed everything for school. I'm beginning to wonder if any of what I do is worth while anymore. But without school I have no identity and I would have nothing. "

That line spoke volumes ! I'm gonna finish college soon, and there's so few "great fun moments" in my childhood/teenage life ... it ain't funny.

During all the late night parties and stuff I was studying. Even worse some people have called me a grumpy old man !
But heck, if my parents never allow me to parties, and all I do is stay in and study, with nothing but masturbation to release sexual stress ..... then I must end up grumpy. ( I try not to be angry all the time though. )

P.S. I've heard that working out actually relieves stress. So for you, working-out actually is doubly-benefitting.
 
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