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I'm experiencing another bout of depression and it seems no one understands. I was driving around an hour ago, crying, and my mom called me and started yelling at me for crying again. She makes me feel like such a burden, but she says she only gets frustrated because she is sad to see me upset and doesn't know what to do after all these years.

Facebook depresses me even more... I'm debating not even going on anymore. I feel like no one would care if I died, that I'm ugly, annoying, and boring and that the world would be better off without me. I feel like any friends I did have/do have do not include me in their plans nor are they interested in doing so. I'm getting a good education and that's pretty much the only thing I've ever had going for me my entire life... my brain. That's lonely.

I started a new job today. A perfect student summer job in an office, where I have to do minimal dealing with people, and I still find ways to provoke anxiety in myself. Why can't I just be normal? I'm sick of being ruled by socially anxious thoughts, and other things like OCD thoughts and eating disorders which nobody understands. That's my main thing. No one understands what I deal with... all the thoughts that go through my head.

I guess to sum it up I've never been consistently happy for a period of time in my life. No matter what it is, I'm sad or I find fault in things. I'm a negative person and I feel like that cannot be changed because it has been so heavily engrained in me. I'm asking myself if I want to continue to live a life where I'm constantly struggling just to stay above the water? Why should happiness be so hard to attain while for others it comes as granted?
 

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I feel like no one would care if I died, that I'm ugly, annoying, and boring and that the world would be better off without me.
This sums up the thoughts that attack my head for around 10 hours a day.

I know this probably doesn't help much, and that you'll probably read this and mutter to yourself that no, I don't understand at all...but you sound SO similar to me that it's kind of scary. No friends, cynicism, a slew of mental problems, my brain being the only thing going for me, constantly feeling like a burden to the world...yep.

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of those feelings; they absolutely suck. If you ever need to talk/rant/anything, feel free to drop me a PM.
 

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Social Anxiety is the third most popular mental health disorder in America. Depression is the first. It actually makes me frustrated that you could say noone knows what you are feeling. That is just being selfish. Thats like saying if you have cancer, you're the only one that suffers. Sry. just had to get that off my chest. Anyway, no matter what you think about yourself, keep in the back of your mind that these are not normal thinking patterns. this is not the way your life should be, or is going to be lead for the rest of your life. This is not normality. There is something wrong with you, and the best part is, you can fix it. This always comforts me. that my anxiety isnt the real me. its just a mental disorder. like an ugly mole on my face. Im not inherently ugly if i have a mole on my face. If i remove the mole, the real me comes out. So remove the mole. Get to therapy, take some meds, do SOMETHING to return to normality.
 

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Social Anxiety is the third most popular mental health disorder in America. Depression is the first. It actually makes me frustrated that you could say noone knows what you are feeling. That is just being selfish. Thats like saying if you have cancer, you're the only one that suffers. Sry. just had to get that off my chest. Anyway, no matter what you think about yourself, keep in the back of your mind that these are not normal thinking patterns. this is not the way your life should be, or is going to be lead for the rest of your life. This is not normality. There is something wrong with you, and the best part is, you can fix it. This always comforts me. that my anxiety isnt the real me. its just a mental disorder. like an ugly mole on my face. Im not inherently ugly if i have a mole on my face. If i remove the mole, the real me comes out. So remove the mole. Get to therapy, take some meds, do SOMETHING to return to normality.
but for some people, like myself, i believe that this IS the real me because i really have been like this my whole life...what should i do then?
 

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I've been more depressed lately myself. I don't know what is wrong with me. You'd think I'd be happy to be in school and have stuff going on, but I'm not. It's been this way for about 2 weeks straight. I haven't had the opportunity to see my therapist in 2 weeks either due to financial issues. I also drive around crying, but sometimes I feel so optimistic that I laugh in the car and feel happy. It's usually short-lived.

I just wanted to let you know that we all identify with depression on some level. It may be different for some, but I do believe that we share some of the same characteristics. I hope you get to feeling better though!
 

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but for some people, like myself, i believe that this IS the real me because i really have been like this my whole life...what should i do then?
You should do something to change it. You can either sit here and defend your position, which currently makes you miserable, or you can try something else and have different results that are good. It took a long time for me, but I eventually found happiness and freedom from anxiety. If you have been consistently depressed and want relief instantly, medication is a good choice and can be VERY helpful, but it is not the permanent solution. If you continue to work hard at finding success and making friends, you will find happiness. For me, a mixture of exercise, healthy dieting, taking continual risks to make friends, and counseling was the right formula to help remove my severe anxiety and occasional depression. You should challenge the notion that this is who you are because you can change a lot about yourself, particularly depression. Good luck on this whole thing and be sure to ask questions if you are lost!
 

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So what if nobody cares if you died. You think people liking you would magically make your life that much more rewarding? It's completely up to you to make yourself happy by DOING things that make you happy, and not wishing other people would bring the happiness to you. The truth is, other people can't make you truly happy anyways. Eventually you would realize how meaningless it all is and wish you would have just done what you wanted to do instead of what you thought other people would approve of.

You feel like you are missing out on all the love and attention, but that stuff is just a distraction. Accomplish something YOU can be proud of and forget everyone else. They have equal opportunity to follow their heart.

Think of all the great people in history who were not appreciated until well after their death... Approval from people should not be your guide.

Mentally, start treating yourself with more respect, and in turn you should start acting in a way you find more respectable... and not what you think OTHER PEOPLE find respectable.

Good luck with that. I hope you snap out of it.
 

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About the ugly thing... Once again, the only reason you're afraid of being ugly is because you're afraid that other people won't approve. If you didn't have other people around to tell you what was good and bad, you wouldn't give a **** if you were ugly or not because it's not natural to like or dislike someone based on their looks.
 

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but for some people, like myself, i believe that this IS the real me because i really have been like this my whole life...what should i do then?
im not asking you to feel like theres another way to live, im just asking you to tell yourself. you dont have to FEEL it, just know that there is another life out there that you can find
 

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I'm sorry that you're depressed. :hug I've been there, it's not easy.

People aren't always what they seem, though. Everyone struggles in life. Even the people who seem like they have life handed to them on a silver platter still struggle with their own demons. It's taken me years to realize this, but it's true.

Please stop thinking about killing yourself. It's never a solution, and it only hurts the people you love (and who love you.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for the replies. I have mixed feelings about what some of you wrote. When I said no one understands me, I more specifically mean in my real life. At least I am not aware of anyone who would understand me. I'm sure I could potentially know someone with the same mental illnesses in me who just doesn't let others know, much like myself. But my combination of mental illnesses (not just social anxiety and depression), is very unique and challenging to deal with. I have some thoughts/thought patterns that I have never heard of people having before. Not saying I'm unique but it's just hard to find people to relate to (minus discussion boards such as this).

I guess it doesn't matter whether or not people would care if I died or not... actually it does. I want to be making an impact in this life and I want to be making an impact in the lives of others. I don't want to just wake up and live a life behind the scenes everyday. Also I just want more people who TRULY care about me in my life. Right now I'm just surrounded by acquaintances and well wishers. And I know I could get more meaningful people in my life if I tried... that's the irritating thing.

I know there is a different life out there for me. I have lived with no anxiety, no depression, and many friends before in my life. I honestly can attribute that time of my life to intense exercise every day... On Dr. Phil, there was a guest doctor on who said exercise was actually more effective in treating mental illness than therapy. I believe that couldn't be more true... I need to start exercising again.
 

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Why can't I just be normal? I'm sick of being ruled by socially anxious thoughts, and other things like OCD thoughts and eating disorders which nobody understands. That's my main thing. No one understands what I deal with... all the thoughts that go through my head.
I know nearly exactly where you're coming from. Trust me. Depressed for no reason and I feel SO guilty about it and that makes me feel sad. There are reasons but they're illogical. I'm stressed about thoughts and worry's about my eating disorder and you don't tell people so as not to freak them out so segragate yourself more.

One thing I think you should consider is that everyone has their own issues really and you don't know what's going on with everyone else around you just as they don't know what's going on in your head.

I hope you're ok though and I'm available to talk if you want someone to talk to.
 

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Thanks for the replies. I have mixed feelings about what some of you wrote. When I said no one understands me, I more specifically mean in my real life. At least I am not aware of anyone who would understand me. I'm sure I could potentially know someone with the same mental illnesses in me who just doesn't let others know, much like myself. But my combination of mental illnesses (not just social anxiety and depression), is very unique and challenging to deal with. I have some thoughts/thought patterns that I have never heard of people having before. Not saying I'm unique but it's just hard to find people to relate to (minus discussion boards such as this).

I guess it doesn't matter whether or not people would care if I died or not... actually it does. I want to be making an impact in this life and I want to be making an impact in the lives of others. I don't want to just wake up and live a life behind the scenes everyday. Also I just want more people who TRULY care about me in my life. Right now I'm just surrounded by acquaintances and well wishers. And I know I could get more meaningful people in my life if I tried... that's the irritating thing.

I know there is a different life out there for me. I have lived with no anxiety, no depression, and many friends before in my life. I honestly can attribute that time of my life to intense exercise every day... On Dr. Phil, there was a guest doctor on who said exercise was actually more effective in treating mental illness than therapy. I believe that couldn't be more true... I need to start exercising again.
I think it was a little irresponsible of Dr. Phil to make that claim (I'm not sure he can prove that). However, from my own experience, exercise is very helpful. I have found that the the more depressed I am, the more important it is that I fight (as incredibly difficult as it may be). One of the ways I fight depression is exercise. The more depressed I am, the more important it is I force myself to work out. It really does help, even though it is the last thing you probably want to do.

Sorry you are feeling down. Just know you are not alone.
 
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