[pokeherpro]

...but I love it. Does that make me crazy? I think I just don't like people. That's it. Right now, it's Friday night, I'm alone, as usual, and I'm high as ****. I'm pretty damn happy. But I feel weird about that. Why should I? My being alone isn't so bad, but it makes it impossible to work. I need a job to fit in with society, but I can't because I don't like people. I don't mind them, I just don't like interacting with them for 8-10 hours a day, 5 days a week. I'm a nervous wreck when I'm around people.

 

[NYR22]

As long as you're happy and comfortable with yourself being alone, that's all that matters. Right? So many people feel they need to associate themselves with tons of people in order to be content and happy, but, doesn't true happiness really come from within? I like to say I'm alone, but, not lonely.

 

[pokeherpro]

I just don't think it's normal to want to run and hide every time you have to be around certain people. I like my family, and my few friends. That's it. I just feel bad because I can't work. I want to, but I can't. I think I'm just a weird dude lol.

 

[pokeherpro]

I'm basically living on probation. If a mental instution was prison, I'd be under house arrest. The government gives me money because they know I'm so messed up I can barely leave my room. That's sad.

 

[NYR22]

Hmmmm.........What kind of work are you looking for? Usually, when I start a new job, I'm nervous for the first couple of weeks, then I start to settle down. You don't feel the nervousness will mitigate after working for a few weeks?

 

[pokeherpro]

I haven't even been able to go for a job interview. Right now, I'm studying to take my GED test in a few months. But I'm not sure what I'm doing after that. I can not see myself working. I can't even see myself going to a job interview. lol

 

[NYR22]

Are you taking any medications? Therapy? You need to force yourself to get out of the house. Little by little. Go for a walk down the street.

 

[pokeherpro]

But what if I don't want to? lol. I love being alone. I am decent at poker so I'm playing that now, while I study to take the GED. I'm not counting on it, but I'm taking a shot at it. If that doesn't work, I dunno. Disability forever likely.

 

[shyvr6]

But what if I don't want to? lol

You'll never get anything done if you keep thinking like that.

 

[pokeherpro]

You'll never get anything done if you keep thinking like that.

Yep, I know. Positive thoughts become positive experiences right? I just like being alone because it's the only time I feel like I'm safe. My adreneline is on high non-stop when I'm around people I don't know well. And by know well, I mean people I know extremely well. I've tried medication before, a few different ones and I'm not interested in trying other ones. If I wasn't this anxious, I'd want to be a computer technician. I might get the certificate for that, just to have it in case I ever do feel differently. But I couldn't do the things a computer technician would probably have to do. I'm never going to feel normal without a job, and I don't see it happening. Even if I thought I could handle a part time job, it'd still have an interview and it'd have to be more than $950 a month because that's my expenses right now. And that's even less than what I was paying before I moved in with my sister.
I just dont wanna hate myself anymore for wanting to be alone all the time. I feel like such a waste, like I'm less of a person than the next guy/girl.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I just wanted to get this out.

 

[miminka]

Meh, I made myself believe that I'm happy being alone and now I can't think of life any other way.

 

[pokeherpro]

Meh, I made myself believe that I'm happy being alone and now I can't think of life any other way.

Sameeee. I can't imagine socializing 40-50 hours a week. Right now, I socialize 2 or 3 hours a week lol. Before that, it was maybe an hour, depending on if my "friends" needed a place to crash. If they did, maybe I hung out with people for 6 or 7 hours and that was more than enough, plus it was in the comfort of my own home. Being around co-workers for 50 hours every week, in a place that I couldn't easily escape from if/when I started to panic...no thanks! God I hope this feeling changes, I want to fit in, at least be normal enough to work.

 

[HustleRose]

I just don't think it's normal to want to run and hide every time you have to be around certain people. I like my family, and my few friends. That's it. I just feel bad because I can't work. I want to, but I can't. I think I'm just a weird dude lol.

Could it be that you're just happy because you feel safe and comfortable when alone?

 

[bobthebuilder]

Im kinda like you, i enjoy my alone time and not really a fan of people, but not the extent that i rarely come intact with anyone. Id rather be out doing something 5/6 days a week with one day all to myself. Unfortunately its the opposite. After so much time alone, i think im happier that way----then life kicks me in the *** by showing me a glimpse of what my life could be like. Being alone sucks.

As for a job, try for a factory job. Thats what ive been doing for the last 2.5yrs, and i dont think i could find a better entry level job----im alone in my own area, only required to see 2 ppl(shift before and after me) and its loud so not much interaction with other ppl that require more than a yes/no answer. My job also does not rely on anyone else, so no confrontations are really possible and i have the freedom to do things the way i want (as long as i make the numbers and dont break anything, my managers could care less about what i do or how i do it).

 

[milo001]

i like being alone as well.i feel very uncomfortable being with peoples and i love being in my room alone if i'm don't have class.i don't really like hanging out with peoples.

 

[bob_sleigh]

you don't have to socialise to work - there are tons of jobs out there where you are just staring at a computer screen keeping a low profile or you work alone. okay you may feel safe but with risk comes experiences, you have to ask yourself what kind of life you want to live.

maybe try get into CBT? theres a lot of good reading material that could get you started, might i suggest the following:

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler
CBT for Dummies
The Little Book of Confidence
www.selftherapy.org - articles at bottom of page
www.succeedsocially.com

hope this helps :yes

 

[copper]

I have to be pretty much on my own on the weekend in order to recharge my batteries. I work in the social service field so I am forced to be very social all week. I am emotionally exhausted by the weekend.