I'm Scott! I'm new obviously, and I've self-diagnosed myself with Social Anxiety disorder. I'm pretty sure I'm right though. Heres a little bit about my situation just to get it all out I guess.
- I'm 23 years old.
- I've never in my life answered a phone call from an unknown number and get worried when I have to answer the phone to talk with even my best friends.
- When I have to call someone on the phone, it haunts me for hours and even days and sometimes I write down what I'm going to say even for a simple conversation.
- Going outside to check the mail is a process because I get anxious thinking about who I might see and what I would have to say to them.
- I haven't approached a girl I didn't know since my freshman year of college (who became my gf, she was also my neighbor in the dorms though).
- I haven't had a sexual relationship in about 6 months because the fear about everything that happens between the "sexual" aspect outweighs my desire.
- Instead of answering the door when someone rings my doorbell, I usually hide and pretend i'm not there.
- When driving, I get self conscious on the highway when my car passes another because I always feel like someone is judging me from the car next to me.
- When walking down the street I am always conscious of others, worrying if they are judging me, if I look okay, etc.
- I work at home, and truthfully I wouldn't have to come in contact with someone for days given what I do, and usually only see other people aside from my close friends, on weekends when I'm going out to bars with those friends.
- When I'm at the bars, I don't talk to anyone else beside my friends, it's nerve wrecking enough to get me to go to a "new place" out of my comfort zone.
- I'm just basically afraid to go anywhere people are or talking to other people.
Some additional information (hopefully not sounding full of myself, but this is how it was).
Growing up I was really popular. I was a great athlete, won best looking at my school, good grades, basically just the kind of school where if you were an athlete everyone loved you. Regardless of that, I was shy as hell but I couldn't let other see that, so I adopted an ******* attitude. It got me through school and I was one of the more social kids, I had tons of parties and talked a lot, but it wasn't me, it was a mask. I never developed the necessary social skills to hold my own, I never developed true confidence in myself, It was all just a cocky front to ease my insecurities. If a convo was going bad, I would just become really cocky and arrogant and pompous to avoid looking like I was scared because better to be an ******* then weak and afraid. In a way, it was my safety blanket. Everyone says I'm really good looking and should be so grateful but I can't help but feel insecure and uncertain with my looks. To the point where I have to feel like I look "perfect" in order to go out anywhere, and even then I worry. After highschool all that "small town popularity" stuff disappeared, no one knew my background and no one cared, so I had to learn to drop the attitude and develop my own inner confidence. It's been a struggle and I've been trying to do that over the years but I find myself going back to the *******/pompous attitude when I'm in situations where I'm uncomfortable and need to gain control. It's not me, I wish I didn't have to do it, but It just happens so I can get through whatever it is I'm doing. I don't like being pompous and I don't like being afraid, so I avoid situations I'm uncomfortable with at all costs, which seems to be just about everything.