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I'm Scott! Sooo here is my situation I guess.

706 Views 8 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  millenniumman75
I'm Scott! I'm new obviously, and I've self-diagnosed myself with Social Anxiety disorder. I'm pretty sure I'm right though. Heres a little bit about my situation just to get it all out I guess.

- I'm 23 years old.
- I've never in my life answered a phone call from an unknown number and get worried when I have to answer the phone to talk with even my best friends.
- When I have to call someone on the phone, it haunts me for hours and even days and sometimes I write down what I'm going to say even for a simple conversation.
- Going outside to check the mail is a process because I get anxious thinking about who I might see and what I would have to say to them.
- I haven't approached a girl I didn't know since my freshman year of college (who became my gf, she was also my neighbor in the dorms though).
- I haven't had a sexual relationship in about 6 months because the fear about everything that happens between the "sexual" aspect outweighs my desire.
- Instead of answering the door when someone rings my doorbell, I usually hide and pretend i'm not there.
- When driving, I get self conscious on the highway when my car passes another because I always feel like someone is judging me from the car next to me.
- When walking down the street I am always conscious of others, worrying if they are judging me, if I look okay, etc.
- I work at home, and truthfully I wouldn't have to come in contact with someone for days given what I do, and usually only see other people aside from my close friends, on weekends when I'm going out to bars with those friends.
- When I'm at the bars, I don't talk to anyone else beside my friends, it's nerve wrecking enough to get me to go to a "new place" out of my comfort zone.
- I'm just basically afraid to go anywhere people are or talking to other people.

Some additional information (hopefully not sounding full of myself, but this is how it was).

Growing up I was really popular. I was a great athlete, won best looking at my school, good grades, basically just the kind of school where if you were an athlete everyone loved you. Regardless of that, I was shy as hell but I couldn't let other see that, so I adopted an ******* attitude. It got me through school and I was one of the more social kids, I had tons of parties and talked a lot, but it wasn't me, it was a mask. I never developed the necessary social skills to hold my own, I never developed true confidence in myself, It was all just a cocky front to ease my insecurities. If a convo was going bad, I would just become really cocky and arrogant and pompous to avoid looking like I was scared because better to be an ******* then weak and afraid. In a way, it was my safety blanket. Everyone says I'm really good looking and should be so grateful but I can't help but feel insecure and uncertain with my looks. To the point where I have to feel like I look "perfect" in order to go out anywhere, and even then I worry. After highschool all that "small town popularity" stuff disappeared, no one knew my background and no one cared, so I had to learn to drop the attitude and develop my own inner confidence. It's been a struggle and I've been trying to do that over the years but I find myself going back to the *******/pompous attitude when I'm in situations where I'm uncomfortable and need to gain control. It's not me, I wish I didn't have to do it, but It just happens so I can get through whatever it is I'm doing. I don't like being pompous and I don't like being afraid, so I avoid situations I'm uncomfortable with at all costs, which seems to be just about everything.
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Hey there Scott! Aw I felt so bad reading your information as if I should reach out and give you a hug. I hope this site helps you out! Everyone here is so nice and willing to give support so I hope you enjoy your stay! :D
Hey Scott, welcome to :sas
HELLO seasea111,

Welcome :wel to the SAS :sas forum !
Welcome Scott! The folks here are incredibly kind and helpful. I've been on the site two months.
Wow! Kind of an inspirational story in a way. I mean, you recognize your *******ness and feel it is not who you are. I think that's more than a lot of *******s can say for themselves. Therefore, you are a good person. That's awesome.

I guess in a sense I can relate with the masking thing. I personally am a very conventional person, I will go tanning when I can, don't leave the house without makeup, take forever doing my hair, will talk about whatever anyone else around me is talking about even if I feel it's not the way I truly feel about the topic. I don't express my true thoughts (and when I try it comes out all wrong anyway). I'd rather stay quiet than expose my true self though, for some reason.

I think we all have our various coping strategies. I know I take on an imitative quality to blend in with my surroundings. But I think everyone has their own way. I guess we always have to be in a battle with ourselves though when dealing with our outter and inner selves.

Anyway, welcome to SAS. I hope you make some discoveries here. I think any kind of self questioning always leads to growth.

Personally, I wonder if you're really as much an ******* as you say you are. Because I know how we can all analyze ourselves in the most negative way!
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Nice to have you aboard, Seasea111.
I am on the other side of that spectrum. That's how I got my SA :(.
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