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fangirl cat lady
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49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is basically gonna be a long and pointless rant which makes no sense, don't feel obliged to read it haha. But if you do I'd love it if you commented or something :)
Basically, my dad is different to other people's dads. About a third of the time, he's really happy and fun to be around, and everything's great. He makes me laugh ans laughs at my jokes, and I love hanging out with him. But the rest of the time, he literally doesn't speak. And when he does it's only in answer to a question and ge tries to block conversation. Everything everyone does annoys him, and he just looks so hurt it kills me. He has no friends and whenever anyone comes round ge either leaves the house or totally ignores them. He never does anything mean or unkind, he's just so locked up in himself.
And the thing that scares me: I feel I'm getting more locked up inside myself and more hidden and I never talk when people come round anymore. I used to be almost the opposite to my dad but we're getting more and more similar and I am so, so scared of becoming like that. My mum cries all the time cos he appears not to care about her and I just never, ever want to do that to someone. But I'm spending more and more time alone and I'm talking less than I used to and I can just feel myself becoming like him. And I don't know what to do.
 

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fangirl cat lady
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49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Someone comment? Sorry this is kinda stressing me out :(
 

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I have the same problem. In my case I think it has more to do with genetics than anything else, rather than something I learned from him. You could try being around your mom and hanging out with friends more. I'm not saying ignore your dad or anything, but maybe being around different personalities more you won't find yourself becoming your dad so much, but maybe you will end up becoming yourself.
 

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fangirl cat lady
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49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I have the same problem. In my case I think it has more to do with genetics than anything else, rather than something I learned from him. You could try being around your mom and hanging out with friends more. I'm not saying ignore your dad or anything, but maybe being around different personalities more you won't find yourself becoming your dad so much, but maybe you will end up becoming yourself.
Thank you for replying! Really appreciate it :) that's a good idea. I'm trying to do that and I hope it's working.
Good luck with your problem ♡♡
 

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Waitin' On A Sunny Day
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1,487 Posts
Hey,

Not sure I can totally empathize - my father's certainly no saint either, but he's on a different spectrum of that sort of ethical deviation - but I can understand that that's a frightening prospect. It's never a happy feeling when you see that the future can hold bad things as well as good things, and figuring out how you'll make the most of tomorrow and every tomorrow after that can be a daunting proposition. With your dad around to remind you constantly of what's biting at your thoughts, I bet that can't be easy.

However, you don't have to end up like him, even if you're not 180 degrees differently.

I'll relate a personal anecdote as an example. My father's got plenty of negative traits, and when I was younger, I wanted to be nothing like him. Completely opposite, okay. Sounded good. I got older, realized I had some things in common, and started to regret that. Over time, however, I figured out that it didn't have to be bad. Even if I had some things in common, I didn't have to become him. Being 90 degrees away from someone you don't want to turn out like makes you your own person.

Always had some good advice in trying to hang out with your mother more. If she's already feeling bad as well, at least the two of you sharing your feelings (not an easy thing to do, I understand - true honesty's tough when facing a tall hill) can help cement a bond between the two of you. Who knows, it might even build more than you feared you'd be at risk of losing.

If you can spend time with friends as well - especially close friends who you can confide in - that's all the better. Getting your feelings out will help you confront them and face them head on, rather than dwelling about them.
 

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fangirl cat lady
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49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hey,

Not sure I can totally empathize - my father's certainly no saint either, but he's on a different spectrum of that sort of ethical deviation - but I can understand that that's a frightening prospect. It's never a happy feeling when you see that the future can hold bad things as well as good things, and figuring out how you'll make the most of tomorrow and every tomorrow after that can be a daunting proposition. With your dad around to remind you constantly of what's biting at your thoughts, I bet that can't be easy.

However, you don't have to end up like him, even if you're not 180 degrees differently.

I'll relate a personal anecdote as an example. My father's got plenty of negative traits, and when I was younger, I wanted to be nothing like him. Completely opposite, okay. Sounded good. I got older, realized I had some things in common, and started to regret that. Over time, however, I figured out that it didn't have to be bad. Even if I had some things in common, I didn't have to become him. Being 90 degrees away from someone you don't want to turn out like makes you your own person.

Always had some good advice in trying to hang out with your mother more. If she's already feeling bad as well, at least the two of you sharing your feelings (not an easy thing to do, I understand - true honesty's tough when facing a tall hill) can help cement a bond between the two of you. Who knows, it might even build more than you feared you'd be at risk of losing.

If you can spend time with friends as well - especially close friends who you can confide in - that's all the better. Getting your feelings out will help you confront them and face them head on, rather than dwelling about them.
That was so insanely helpful thank you. You totally get what I'm saying, thanks <3
 

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Man I have almost the same situation as you. My dad tends to be very selfish, has no friends, and keeps to himself. My dad also seems to lack any sort of empathy that lies outside his own reasoning. There really isn't any way of arguing with since it always ends up "my way or the highway". Plus my dad always interrupts others and myself when we're talking, showing absolute disrespect for others opinions. But we do manage to joke together fairly well. Sucks but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there.

As the others have said, you can grow apart into your own person. I personally believe it's a mix of nature/nurture. Nurture especially since bad habits tend to spread to others over long periods of time. Spend more time with others you can chat it up with. It helps to vent as well. Whenever I vent I tend to forget and kind of let go what has been bothering me and it feels like I'm moving on. :) Granted things come back at times but then I can indulge in some form of release. Another thing I noticed is the more chatty I am with those close to me, I tend to gravitate being chattier with those who aren't. Not by a whole lot but a little bit at a time.
 

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fangirl cat lady
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49 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Man I have almost the same situation as you. My dad tends to be very selfish, has no friends, and keeps to himself. My dad also seems to lack any sort of empathy that lies outside his own reasoning. There really isn't any way of arguing with since it always ends up "my way or the highway". Plus my dad always interrupts others and myself when we're talking, showing absolute disrespect for others opinions. But we do manage to joke together fairly well. Sucks but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there.

As the others have said, you can grow apart into your own person. I personally believe it's a mix of nature/nurture. Nurture especially since bad habits tend to spread to others over long periods of time. Spend more time with others you can chat it up with. It helps to vent as well. Whenever I vent I tend to forget and kind of let go what has been bothering me and it feels like I'm moving on. :) Granted things come back at times but then I can indulge in some form of release. Another thing I noticed is the more chatty I am with those close to me, I tend to gravitate being chattier with those who aren't. Not by a whole lot but a little bit at a time.
Woah our situations are like exactly the same. That helps. Good to know there's other people out there who feel the same <3 hang in there!
 

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happy i dodged a bullet
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5,347 Posts
Yep my dad's some what like that but worse. He's lazy and mooches of my mom, been outta work almost a yr ...even when he worked he kept his money. He,s the first to make a list when my mom goes to the store as well as eat.

He doesn't have many friends..he also has a slightly paranoid habit of peeking out the peep hole when pll pass by our door..and He seldom cleans.

As much as I want to be mad at my dad... i feel pity for him.
Sa, and panic is hell ,sometimes getting through the day is a challenge. ,so i hve no idea what he must deal with.

But it hurts me,bc i feel im necoming like him.my anxiety and panic make it hard for me to hold a job and go to school..i just feel horrinle for my mom.. thats she has to care for two big babnies..sigh.

Well my brother manged to break the cycle, he hs two jobs but he never loans my mom money.,so..,fail smh

I feel like a pile most days : /
 
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