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Just reading a few threads here, I can relate to alot of things people are saying. Firstly my family think me been constantly moody and not talkative for the past 3-4 years will somehow just blow over and I'll snap out of it.

Six months ago I went to the doctors where I broke down in front of them. I've been bottling everything for so long that I just couldn't explain in words what was wrong, I just let my tears do the talking. I won't talk to people unless I have to. I find it exhausting to make conversation now. I don't enjoy any small talk whatsoever and I've cut most of my friends off for the smallest of reasons. I hate talking on phones and whenever I get calls, I rarely answer and press the silence button.

A doctor prescribed me with citalopram for depression and anxiety. My parents hate meds because they made my uncle who has suffered from nerves and depression worse off than he was before. This was years ago though and the drugs used back then were alot different. I try to convince myself I can overcome the anxiety with mind over matter, but so far nothing has changed. I didn't take the anti depressants that were prescribed, as I had read that they can make you a little numb emotionally. I doubt it would make me any worse as I'm pretty much numb to alot of things already now.

I got made redundant about a year ago, and all my redundancy money was nearly all but dried up. Everybody was saying get a job and I was trying. I was holding out for a driving courier job, so social contact would be at a minimum. Nothing came along and so I had to stick to the work field that I was technically good at. This would involve more telephone talk and social interacting which I find harder and harder to do, especially in a totally new enviroment.

With the help of my dads friend I ended up getting a new job in a very large busy office. I've had to fight mind games with myself to progress. Everyday I walk into the office, I'm on edge with my heart beating twice the speed as it should and my tense body walking past aisles of people to get to my seat at the very end of the room. I hate talking on phones and I can embarassingly blush at the very least of things.

Everyday I have to go through this. I just want a job where I can feel relaxed and at ease. I am facing my fears, facing new people everyday. You would think I would adjust to this, but I don't.

I think I do need some sort of anti anxiety pill, but feel I will have been defeated mentally. I'm not the best of writers but I hope some of you understand where I'm coming from. Any advice would be great thanks.
 

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I understand exactly what you're describing. I face this everyday. I'm in highschool, which is just boring for anyone who enjoys being social. For me, it's not boring, it's nerve-wracking. I walk down the halls and if I see someone I am semi-acquainted with, I don't want to look them in the eye and wave, so I look up, down, into a classroom on the side of me...anywhere but at them. Even if it's someone I've known since middle school, I don't want to wave or smile at them. Also, since I am in highschool, it's harder to be antisocial because everyone talks about their social lives and their crazy weekends, and I'm fine listening to them, even though I'm a little jealous. It's when they ask, "What did you do this weekend?" that I just want to crumble on the spot. I desperately want to be social. I don't like it when my brothers' girlfriends come over and ask me, "Hey, why don't you ever do anything with your friends on the weekends?" because the truth is, I don't know how to explain myself. And it's really frustrating & embarassing. I try explaining it to my mother, but she says it all about my attitude. I know that this is not the case because I try to be as lively as I possibly can be, but the most that I can do is a funny, dry, sarcastic remark or a smile...I can't even manage a full-hearted laugh.
 

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i always think to myself that i need something to motivate me to get rid of my S/A. an example would be one of my close family members dying, or me getting a ton of money. but then i think why does it have to be something big, why not now, right now, why not as i type this i just realize that i have to get rid of this stupid **** and just FOCUS!
 

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i feel the same way, im a highschooler... im about to graduate in two weeks and feel that i have thrown my entire highschool experience down the tubes. im jealous of all the kids that say that one party was amazing or that was so much fun, but not me. i just shy away from any conversation afraid that im being boreing and it doesnt help when i know i am being boring because i try to get in and out of the conversation as soon as i can. i feel i dont have anything to say worth saying. so why burdon people with me, instead just stay away and let everyone else have fun. i have had a best friend since third grade and now im avoid talking to him cause i dont know what to say, i hate it i just wanna break down
 

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the reason why ur not conquering it by exposing youself because you have to change the way your mind thinks stop the negative cycle of thinking and realize no one sees you as negative as you see yourself thats what i realized and now my sa is going away i used to expose myself to it everday and it was always the same until i changed my thinking with cbt and truly examining the difference between the feelings of being confident and being negative its weird it feels like your brain changes over in a different way of seeing things in a more postive and confident way
 

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I think you should take the Citalopram. I was untreated for 13 years and it made my anxiety much worse. I assure this is not something that you will get over without medication or therapy.

I personally take Citalopram and it is the only SSRI that has worked and I have tried many.

SSRI's a perfectly safe and have no abuse potential. The withdrawal from long term use isnt even considered true withdrawal by most of the medical community. They call it discontinuation syndrome. The side effects can be bothersome at times but if your anxiety is bad enough then the side effects will be worth it.

SSRI's also dont really numb your emotions in my experience. I have been experiencing a full range of normal emotions since taking Celexa and my main emotion used to be fear and depression all of the time.
 
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