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Hi. I have been checking this site out for a while now after realizing that my depression stems from social anxiety. I feel that my life is so far removed from the life I wished for myself and it isn't something that I seem to be able to easily rectify. I know that the main factor in this is that I have very low self esteem and tend to be very reclusive. In part I am comfortable with being a recluse, because I can avoid painful experiences and embarrassment, but on the other hand I hate it. I envy those who can easily interact with others and can confidently get on with their life and their dreams without the paralyzing self-conciousness that I seem to have.

I can present a confident facade and be very smiley and friendly saying "Hi", but then when it comes to a conversation, I seem to be very much stuck after a few minutes. Often I avoid people because of this or don't answer the phone, even though I know it's a friend phoning. I also have a blushing problem, so I will often avoid situations because I know I will blush and look ridiculous.

I feel terrible too because often people will attempt to befriend me and invite me out or over to their house for a coffee. I may be ok the first time but I never reciprocate the invitation because I believe that they will find me boring or that they won't want too and will feel obligated, or that I won't be able to maintain a conversation, or they will think my house is a mess, my coffee is no good etc. If I'm at their house, then I can leave when things start feeling too awkward, but if they are at my home I worry they won't leave before it gets too uncomfortable for me. Eventually the invitations die out and I am sure they must think I am such a snob or really rude, or that I have serious mental issues. It is awful.

Recently I went back to study and I have now graduated, but the social anxiety has cut my new career path off because I just can't cope with conversing with my lecturers like a normal adult and when I had to give a lecture to a class I was tutoring for, not only did I spend the months prior in a state of anxiety, but on the day I vomitted before-hand and then ended the lecture twenty minutes early because I just needed it to be over. So that was the end of my intended future as a lecturer! The worst thing is that family members just don't understand. They keep on about the great opportunity I have for a great job and keep pressuring me to keep it up, they see me as lazy and a quitter and this is not the case.

I hope that I can find some people who understand the pain that this condition causes. Thanks for reading.
 

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:(:(

Your story and experiences are so similar to mine. I have jsut graduated and the idea of returning to do my masters has me in tears. People think i'm a snob because i avoid social gatherings and when im out i'm not fully there, i find myself thinking about the future alot and asking myself would it be fair for me to bring children into this world, as their futures will be tarnished because of my insecurities. I have been bullied at home all my life, nothing will ever be good enough and for now i'm stuck at home because i don't have a job. what do i do???Have you visited your doctor in relation to this??i hope things get betterx
 

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Often I avoid people because of this or don't answer the phone, even though I know it's a friend phoning.
if they are at my home I worry they won't leave before it gets too uncomfortable for me. Eventually the invitations die out and I am sure they must think I am such a snob or really rude, or that I have serious mental issues. It is awful.
:ditto .... welcome to the forums!!! and glad to see anotha Nz'er :D
 

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Hey Vitruvia welcome. :)

Welcome also furl6bury. :duck
 

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I feel terrible too because often people will attempt to befriend me and invite me out or over to their house for a coffee. I may be ok the first time but I never reciprocate the invitation because I believe that they will find me boring or that they won't want too and will feel obligated, or that I won't be able to maintain a conversation
me too, but I can't even accept the first invitation. I just say, "I'm busy", even though I'm not, because I'm scared of all those things.
But my personality is such that they think I'm just a snob, or don't want to be their friend, or that I just hate everybody. I'm not openly shy, in fact in non-social situations I can seem quite talkative and lively. I just avoid everything and can't initiate or maintain social conversations.
 

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Welcome, Vitruvia! :)
 

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:wel
 
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