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I'm having trouble identifying my problems.

2K views 37 replies 13 participants last post by  Marylandgreeneyes 
#1 ·
Does anyone else sometimes have trouble identifying what exactly are the problems that you face? I'm trying to improve at this, but I've sort of reached a standstill for the past month.

Whenever I have thoughts about seeing a psychologist, I am immediately reminded that I'm not sure what my problem(s) are these days. I do have a very small desire to look into seeing a psychologist, but I become mildly frustrated with my inability to identify the details of what my problems are. I basically feel like I couldn't answer the question, "What is troubling you?" It's frustrating because it's such a basic question, and yet I seem to only have anecdotes available to me rather than a cohesive, categorical reply.

All that I'm fairly confident about is that I'd like to meet another friend or two. That's kind of a big goal rather than an incremental step though.

Could a psychologist help someone who can't currently identify their specific problems identify those problems? When I do identify something specific in my life that I want to change, I feel like I have the advantage since I can make a "battle plan" of sorts for addressing the known issue. I've conquored general fears of driving in unfamiliar areas, going into a variety of public situations, acting despite anxieties in work situations, asking questions when I am not clear on something, etc. I get excited when I identify a specific fear, because I have a methodology that works for me in overcoming such fears.

Now it seems almost as though my troubles have evolved, such that they wear a cloak of invisibility. I know something is amiss, but I can't see the "enemy" any longer. It's analogous to the switch from traditional warfare to guerilla warfare. I don't face any particularly huge attacks or problems at any given time, but I'll be suddenly hit with tiny attacks that quickly fade before I can identify what the problem is. They are just like tiny hits of lingering negativity that aren't incredibly intense at any given moment, but annoying nevertheless. This is getting tricky, and over the past month, I'm not really progressing in identifying just what the hell is going on with this.

As I said, it's far more annoying than depressing. I'm not facing any sort of severe problems. I am just wondering if anyone has any ideas for improving my chances at identifying sources (thoughts/fears) of unpleasant feelings.

I found a psychologist who works only a few miles from where I live who uses this as her description (sounds promising):

My ideal clients are individuals who are not currently happy with their life situation, even though they may not say so. They know they can be happier and more content, if they only knew how. The ability to desire change is what makes clients ideal. I believe everyone has this ability. I enjoy working with clents of all ages, "helping them to help themselves" from a holistic perspective, and specialize in mood and anxiety disorders, as well ADHD diagnosis and treatment and some specific medical assessments.

My specialty areas evolved from extensive experience in private practice, educational settings, and community mental health.
She lists her strengths to revolve around anxiety/fears, depression, and relationship issues. Her approach is CBT, eclectic, and holistic.

Price isn't listed, but she accepts my insurance plan.
 
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#4 ·
Unidentified said:
Adam, I think you know the answer to this one yourself.
I do? :con

I think I might be a perfectionist and that this isn't worth the effort and monetary cost. Perhaps I could better handle some of these unknown problems, but the extent of improvement probably won't justify the cost. That's what I'm thinking at this moment.
 
#6 ·
shyvr6 said:
ardrum said:
Whenever I have thoughts about seeing a psychologist, I am immediately reminded that I'm not sure what my problem(s) are these days.
That's what a psychologist is for. She'll ask you questions and figure out what it is affecting you.
So they are generally pretty effective at figuring this out? I'd hope so, and it seems like most would be good at this. I feel like I'd be interpreted as being "resistant" to questions when in reality I'm just sincerely having trouble trying to identify what is specifically bothering me besides some occasional, mild loneliness and numbness. Plus, I would need to conquor some major hurdles in "opening up" to some stranger... it feels nearly involuntary to give simplistic answers to questions... like I'd give off the wrong impression.

I did email a CB therapist who isn't ridiculously expensive (for my budget). We'll see what the response is...
 
#7 ·
Well if they're good at their job, then yeah they would figure it out. Just from you not being able to open up would be a sign from the start that you have anxiety issues. Also, if a specific question comes up and you don't really know, then just be honest and say you don't really know the answer.
 
#8 ·
shyvr6 said:
ardrum said:
Whenever I have thoughts about seeing a psychologist, I am immediately reminded that I'm not sure what my problem(s) are these days.
That's what a psychologist is for. She'll ask you questions and figure out what it is affecting you.
DITTO!! The Dr knows what to ask you to help you pinpoint things ...also there are resourses where you answer questions on-line, you can print this out and then take it to the DR and ask them to read it. My therapist thanked me for doing that. Come on, just go see the Doc!! :idea :yes ??
 
#9 ·
Lyndia said:
shyvr6 said:
ardrum said:
Whenever I have thoughts about seeing a psychologist, I am immediately reminded that I'm not sure what my problem(s) are these days.
That's what a psychologist is for. She'll ask you questions and figure out what it is affecting you.
DITTO!! The Dr knows what to ask you to help you pinpoint things ...also there are resourses where you answer questions on-line, you can print this out and then take it to the DR and ask them to read it. My therapist thanked me for doing that. Come on, just go see the Doc!! :idea :yes ??
I want to see her response to my email before I make any decisions.
 
#10 ·
A useful cartoon for you. Print out and use a pen to fill the thought bubble with why the stick figure looks confusedly unhappy. Freeform it and see what plops out. A Burns technique for free-form anxiety / depression. Not a relief provider - just used to uncover whats bugging you, though once you know it might be relieving I guess.

[attachment=0:s2uxftul]feelings.JPG[/attachment:s2uxftul]
 

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#11 ·
Right now he's saying, "I wonder what I'll have for dinner" as well as "I'm really bored."
 
#12 ·
The temptation to joke WAS rather overwhelming wasn't it ... lol. Maybe give it a try later or when you're feeling peed off and just vent the vagueness into the bubble. Always worked for me.
 
#13 ·
Yeah, I'm back to feeling blah/bored more than anything now. Mood is generally fine.

I swear my brain acts like a natural mood stabilizer. If I feel any sort of emotions, they tend to numb down within a short period of time. Works for ups as well as downs. Like a natural insurance policy.
 
#14 ·
"The turbulent twenties"

The "better, bigger, more" decade.

Perhaps? :con
 
#15 ·
ardrum said:
Unidentified said:
Adam, I think you know the answer to this one yourself.
I do? :con

I think I might be a perfectionist and that this isn't worth the effort and monetary cost. Perhaps I could better handle some of these unknown problems, but the extent of improvement probably won't justify the cost. That's what I'm thinking at this moment.
Ehm, sorry. I attributed you some of my own attributes, as it were...

Anyway, seeing as I, myself, am prone to often seek confirmation even when I'm 90% sure I'm right. I figured the only reason you could really be asking after having gone through all this trouble finding this psychologist, was that you already knew you wanted to go see her. That's why I said that you probably already know the answer, and managed to sound like a schmuck at the same time. :)

Anyway, my honest opinion is that it is generally a good idea to try this one out. If you have the courage to take that step, but then again that is just because I assume you're somewhat like me for being on these forums. :p
 
#16 ·
yeah_yeah_yeah said:
"The turbulent twenties"

The "better, bigger, more" decade.

Perhaps? :con
Hmm... I'm not really sure what that means in the context of my life. :stu
 
#17 ·
A common sensation in the twenties of feeling there should be more - more achievement, more happiness, more things etc etc ... leads to a kind of floating anxiety that you can't quite put your finger on.
 
#18 ·
If you can't identify the source of anxiety, that one isn't worth keeping. Let it slide through. iT's probably not worth the worry. ;)
 
#20 ·
yeah_yeah_yeah said:
A common sensation in the twenties of feeling there should be more - more achievement, more happiness, more things etc etc ... leads to a kind of floating anxiety that you can't quite put your finger on.
Well, I seem to prefer simple things really. I'm seemingly very different from my peers in that I don't watch TV (no cable hookup), don't like romantic relationships or sex, don't desire excessive achievement (my friends think I'm nuts for doing what I do when I could be doing x, y, and z which is supposedly so much better).

I'm perfectly fine with only a few friends. The problem is that I'm seemingly having friends move away or drift away faster than I can make them. Now that's probably a common feature in your 20s. But other than that, I don't know if this is an age-related thing. It's just difficult to relate to people in a more than "distant acquaintance" manner. I unfortunately find that most people I encounter kind of bore me or seem incompatible.
 
#21 ·
Oooo

Now I think we might be getting somewhere. I have been reading lots of positive psychology books lately - a lot about kindness, love, understanding others and especially honesty.

A lack of close relationships is enough to make you a bit blue, but as you have SOME relationships youve sort of got that sense of hope that it might work out this time. I would experiment with Brutal Honesty (Copyright Ross Yeah 2007). Honesty to all, including self, about all emotions, and feeling and expressing them entirely. Revealing things about you to others, and letting them in. Seeking them out. Doing things for them. Noting their good qualities (you already do this :) ).

A lack of closeness usually comes from a lack of honesty, which is kind of a habit, or a leftover of past anxiety and depression. It just sort of becomes a 'what you do'. Thats the prob you see - you can overcome anxiety, but what next? You need to know what you want to fulfill your emotional needs. You need to do things differently to open up those relationships. Is there anyone you want to be closer to? Think how you might do that. Randomly ask them for a coffee and a chat, with no other purpose than that. Reveal the real Adam and be proud of whatever you are. I have been trumpeting my geekiness lately - something I was always ashamed of - and people really seem to like it. Its what makes me 'me' and its a nice feeling. People rock :)

Is it possible that in some ways you might be TOO positive? That maybe people do not get close because they feel there's part of you you hold back? I'm only guessing but if you are ALWAYS 100% cheery with folks they might be less inclined to feel they really know you than if you express your negative emotions too. I was reading a book about the Dalai Lama, and he said of a Chinese Minister "He was very charming and polite. Almost TOO polite - to the extent that you werent quite sure if you could trust him". That passage rather struck me. As you said that you used to REALLY hurt and cry a lot, it makes sense that you may have stuffed them away somewhere.

Anyway I have waffled and I always feel guilty when I try to advise you - your psych knowledge is formidable and your experience (especially shame attacking) comprehensive. I just think the real world needs to see more of the fluffy Ardrum that we get to see here :hug

Ross
 
#22 ·
Maybe you are looking for a fulfillment in Life or a larger purpose of some sort now that you have neutralized your SA to a large extent. This maybe causing those fleeting moments of anxiety - that you must be doing something else or what you're doing is not fulfilling enough. This is just a guess since I don't know you. Good Luck finding the right psych. :)
 
#23 ·
:yes

If you're for sure about this celibacy thing, you'd make an awesome priest. I'd come to your church for sure!
 
#24 ·
yeah_yeah_yeah said:
:yes

If you're for sure about this celibacy thing, you'd make an awesome priest. I'd come to your church for sure!
Can I just fake the religious beliefs part and stick to the ritual? :lol

I'm guessing I'd have to be more than a celibate virgin to be adequately qualified. :lol

yeah_yeah_yeah said:
Thats the prob you see - you can overcome anxiety, but what next? You need to know what you want to fulfill your emotional needs.
You know, this statement right here might be really significant.

I've overcome a lot of anxiety in regards to many seemingly basic tasks that are conducted in social settings. Maybe it isn't a 100% elimination of anxiety, but it's pretty damn high such that I am confident enough to do a lot of things without any significant troubles. That success has been rewarding, but it doesn't answer the question of what I do in a world in which I have no anxiety.

I mean, let's say that I theoretically had a total victory. 100% free of social anxiety problems. OK, so I'm no longer anxious doing a, b, c, d, e, f, etc. So now that I can do all these things, what do I do? That's a question I've always had a hard time answering. I don't seem to have any comprehensive long-term goals. I'm very rooted in the present moment and immediate future. I'm not sure how to incrementally approach this question in a productive manner, so I just stick to the simple fleeting pleasures of daily life.

smiles said:
Maybe you are looking for a fulfillment in Life or a larger purpose of some sort now that you have neutralized your SA to a large extent. This maybe causing those fleeting moments of anxiety - that you must be doing something else or what you're doing is not fulfilling enough. This is just a guess since I don't know you. Good Luck finding the right psych.
This seems to be similar to the above statement Ross made.

It is a bit troubling if my mind has truly suppressed things that make other people happy because I won't even know that something is supposed to be a positive experience. It's like I'm divorced from a lot of things that most people take for granted or something. The emotional connection to things I do is largely absent, and I haven't really been approaching my improvement in a comprehensive enough manner.
 
#25 ·
The Cupcake Space Avengers (Copyright MseryChic Industries 2008) have heard your cries and come to the rescue!

[attachment=0:1xm4y6ya]cupcheer.JPG[/attachment:1xm4y6ya]
 

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#26 ·
I've got a possible form of therapy for you, Adam!!! :yes

Some things I know about you:-

- you're something of an enigma (but that's part of why you're fascinating)
- you're very logical and rational
- you seem to have a degree of mental strength (for example, the lucid dreaming you sometimes do on purpose, which not everyone can do)
- your weakness I'd say is maybe being a bit divorced from emotions

In any case, my suggestion is to try "Art Therapy". A councelor I saw got me to draw my feelings in a kind of 'mandala'. Sometimes I expressed my dreams, but it was always very much a kind of 'free association'.

Art is very therapeutic. In fact it is very similar to meditation. It's an intuitive thing and it's an opening up to the unknown.

They say that: 'The soul understands what the mind cannot conceive"
And that, in order to find God (or inner peace, if you prefer this term) that you must be out of your mind. Also, passion is said to be the way.

You seem to be looking for an answer in words or in a concept to describe your current state; and yet at the same time you express a sort of dissatisfaction at a "lack of anxiety".

...My guess is that maybe what you're looking for is a way free of concepts or of any other kind of explaining of your life -of your emotions really.

Emotions don't necessarily need any kind of explaining or even any sorting out. They (we) do benefit from expressing them and/or bringing them into awareness.

So I figure that possibly a strategy like this is what you need.

So I recommend doing something expressive and creative. And that you express your emotions with abandon. -Let them just take you where they want to take you. And that you can get the "answer" you're looking for this way (or, perhaps rather, something like this is the answer it self).

That's my guess, anyhow.
 
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