[saillias]

No more sitting around and whining on the internet.

-I joined a support group in my city for people with social anxiety. I will try to attend their meetings.
-I will be going to my sister's bbq next Saturday/Sunday. I'm even going to bring my swim shorts to go in the hot tub.
-I'm going to the counseling center tomorrow (first day back at university) to discuss my anxiety with a professional.
-I'm going to the campus pub and getting a beer.
-I'm going to stay on campus more to study and socialize. I won't just power walk from class back to the transit station and come home.

 

[layitontheline]

Those are really good goals. That's great you joined a support group, hope the meetings go all right. You should let us know how all these things go :] Good luck at school tomorrow!

 

[strawberryjulius]

Yeah, tell us how you go. Good luck!

 

[mkp1974]

Good luck to you . I have pretty much given up on all that stuff. I have made the decision that living with low anxiety in my comfort zone is a better life for me than dealing with the anxiety that comes with trying to live like other people. I know I will never like crap like going out to bars and parties. If I have something like that planned ahead of time, I worry and ruminate about it to the point that I am miserable. If I do it 100 times, and it gets easier even, I will never enjoy it. I just hope to add a few things to my life that give me pleasure. To hell with it.

 

[saillias]

Good luck to you . I have pretty much given up on all that stuff. I have made the decision that living with low anxiety in my comfort zone is a better life for me than dealing with the anxiety that comes with trying to live like other people. I know I will never like crap like going out to bars and parties. If I have something like that planned ahead of time, I worry and ruminate about it to the point that I am miserable. If I do it 100 times, and it gets easier even, I will never enjoy it. I just hope to add a few things to my life that give me pleasure. To hell with it.

I had that mentality too, for about 2 and a half years. I decided "I will never be with a women, ever." and "I'm perfectly fine having no friends."

I wouldn't classify this period of my life as 'bad'. It's been safe, comfortable, and uneventful.

However, it's been lonely, not very challenging, and hasn't allowed for much personal growth. On top of that, I still experienced plenty of anxiety, and had difficulty with normal social interactions when I had to, like at work, in class, with relatives, or even while shopping.

I can't avoid socialization. Well, I could, but that would require me to drop out of college, live in my parents house forever and be a waste of flesh. No thanks.

I can't avoid my natural human instinct to want to make friends, to be a social creature, to want to have women in my life, etc.

 

[saillias]

I'm back from my first day, here's what happened.

-I called the counseling center first and they got me an appointment on Thursday.
-I visited the study abroad center and got some info, I'm also going to a information session on Thursday.
-I went to my prof's office hours to discuss my anxiety problems. He gave me some reassurance that the presentations in the class wouldn't be so bad.
-After that, I went to the campus pub, alone, and got a couple beers and poutine. I felt like an idiot because I was probably the only person in the pub alone. Note to self: Going to pubs alone isn't fun.

 

[layitontheline]

Wow, you actually did everything you set out to do. I'm so used to making goals and never accomplishing them. That's awesome. Good luck with the appointment and information session.

 

[saillias]

Hey you live in Alberta! LETS BE REAL LIFE FRIENDS WHERE DO YOU LIVE o_o

I used to do that too. I don't know what happened that caused me to change. I think the main thing was acknowledging that my current life is unsatisfying and that not doing anything to move away from my comfort zone ****ing sucks. Whenever I wanted to skip a workout, or eat white rice instead of brown, or not go outside, I would remind myself that I needed to have discipline to get anywhere.

Here's a line from a video game (Rome: Total War) that I like to repeat to myself: "Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage."

Edit: Thanks for the link and advice Sebastian. I took a quick look at the site before I left, I'll look into it more now.

 

[saillias]

Sebastiaan: You and that site mention EFT. Could you tell me about it? What is it? How did it help you?

Updating this thread because today i went to the study abroad session and saw the counselor.

Counseling was very intense. She probed me and got everything. I've never told someone in real life about my social anxiety, especially all the intricate details of when it started, why, etc . It was very difficult to verbalize... I got emotional at times. That sucked. But she was so non-judgmental and extremely nice. The first 3 sessions are free as well.

Study abroad session was generic information session, I'm not sure I'm going to apply. They say that the best kind of students for studying abroad have good communication skills, strong sense of self, all that stuff that I don't have yet. And that stress and emotional problems often magnify while abroad. Seems like an extrovert's adventure.

 

[saillias]

This does not mean that you change your personality IF YOU DON'T WANT TO...

You just peel of the layers of social anxiety that are now covering up your true personality. You will be more of yourself. And you will love the person you are, you feel great.

You can however, use it to me more extraverted if you wish to be more extraverted.

I'm responding to all of your post but quoting this part in particular,

You bet I want to change my personality. I want to break down everything I know about myself and restart. My values, my beliefs, my perception of the world. So, sounds like a study abroad program is definitely for me. I want to become a changed person.

I;m at home today because of a nasty cold, so I'm going to look at all your EFT stuff in more detail.

 

[jellybelly]

Great thread. Interesting links, Sabastiaan and well done Saillias on achieving your goals! And I'm really glad your counselling has started off well.

 

[saillias]

I signed up and downloaded your videos / PDFs yesterday.

I just thought I'd bring something to your attention. Once you click on the link that is sent via e-mail and are sent to the page with the download links, if you close that window it doesn't allow you to return to that page unless you subscribe again with a different e-mail address.

I only downloaded the first video and exited the browser, so when I wanted to watch the 2nd video I had to sign up again with a different email to watch the other video.

 

[Happ2beme]

No more sitting around and whining on the internet.

Good for you! :clap

 

[saillias]

Well, I pretty much finished my list by going to my sister's BBQ and going in *gasp* the hot tub... With girls there!

I was worried the whole time about what people think of me. I'm trying hard to stop. I had plenty to drink and even did the EFT tapping in the washroom. I guess I loosened up, don't know if it was the EFT or the copious amounts of alcohol. I guess I'll find out tomorrow (or later today I guess) if all those people think I'm a CREEAPY WERIDO FREAK or a cool guy.

 

[layitontheline]

That's great. I'm really impressed. I should make a list for myself, only it would be more along the lines of... get the courage to pick up the phone and make a phone call. Those girls should feel lucky

 

[saillias]

Text from sister today:

Lol that's good! You're not nautious? Everyone thought you were hilarious last night, you should party with us more.

Now that I actually got social approval my first instinct was to believe my sister's friends lied to her because I'm her brother. With some time to think and recap, I feel like I embarrassed myself, and that I did exactly what I want so hard to avoid, which is being perceived as "creepy."

Whatever, my goal is to stop being reactive to what others think of me. Pretty soon my sister is going to upload all the pics from the night to facebook. As part of my "stop being reactive to what others think" goal, I'm not going to untag a single one, even if the pictures are extremely embarrassing.

Also, a guy at work who also goes to my college invited me to join his intramural ball hockey team. It meets all the criteria I require to play a sport: a) The games aren't too often, b) the league isn't super serious or competitive, and c) the sport is known as "hockey". It's like karma is rewarding me for going out?

 

[saillias]

New goals for the week.

-Sign up for ball hockey... oh wait I already did, a guy from work invited me to his team. Games are Tuesday/Wednesday. I'm going to have to bring my hockey stick to class on Tuesdays. That will help my anxiety in that class a bit. Potential conversation starter.
-Join a club. It's club week and their booths are all over the main student center. I walked around and looked yesterday but I chickened out because it was extremely busy.
-Contribute to my group discussion in my long class tonight. Answer prof questions during lecture.

 

[Delicate]

Wow I'm really impressed. Good for you.

Whatever, my goal is to stop being reactive to what others think of me. Pretty soon my sister is going to upload all the pics from the night to facebook. As part of my "stop being reactive to what others think" goal, I'm not going to untag a single one, even if the pictures are extremely embarrassing.

That's a good goal.

 

[layitontheline]

Did you speak up in your class tonight? Are there any clubs that caught your eye? Yay for being part of the hockey ball thing. Or ball hockey. I bet that will help with anxiety a lot.

 

[saillias]

Thanks for the continued support everyone. It motivate me to continue updating.

I did EFT before I left for class. It definitely helped with my general anxiety.

No, I didn't say anything, unfortunately. The long transit ride there and the 2 hours of lecture + group meeting before the actual class discussion sapped my energy. I'll need an energy drink or coffee next time. I met with my group for the first time though, and the 2 that actually showed up to class were nice, so that's good.

No club scouting because of my schedule today (I only go to class at 4). Tbh most of the clubs that I've seen in the past are very uh... well, there's Pro-life club, ISRAEL IS APARTHEID Club, lots of stuff for raging hippies and the religious crowd, lots of ethnic oriented clubs, etc. The history club has never set up a booth in the past 2 years, and they don't even have a website, but maybe they got off their *** this time.

Edit: I just went to the clubs listing page and surprise the troglodytes at history still don't have a website... hurf durf. There are a lot of new clubs on the list though. One of my more long-term goals is to learn how to dance, and there's 3 dance clubs, so maybe I'll join one. I'll try to talk to them at their booth tomorrow, and if not, definitely Friday.

I got an e-mail from the counselling office saying I can schedule an appointment again. I'm excited to see what they can do for me.